30 February,0015: When the adjectives like heart throbbing and nail biting fall short, during the narration of an incident, you can bet that it’s another fiction story from one of the greatest authors of all time. However, HE proved us all wrong yesterday. HE who should not be named (he is not Voldemort, he just requested us not to disclose his name) had recently returned from a seven year trip from the Pacific Ocean and as you have already guessed, he had a bag of stories with him. The stories he shared with us had left all of us speechless, but our fingers weren’t numb, so here we publish the most interesting part of his strange experience…
The following extract is presented exactly the way HE narrated the story.
“It was daylight but the sun wasn’t visible. The gentle waves were rocking the boat through a dangerous storm. I was alone in the boat. The sunlight blinded my eyes but I was already blinded by the dust in the wind. My boat was almost sinking at times, and I needed to dive into the water to keep the boat afloat. I had no food, other than the cold beef steaks and some pie and some chops and some chips and some… well the list is never ending. I had no water to drink other than the sea water. But still I drank water from the mineral water bottles. After travelling in that lonely boat for six days and three nights, I and my companion reached the shore. My companion who was also alone in my boat helped me jump into the water and swim to the shore. We almost drowned in the one metre deep water while swimming. Then, after reaching the land I built a sand castle. We decided to live in it for a few days. But the weather changed and it changed bad. The moon was scorching, the sun was freezing. I and my pet dog who accompanied me were wandering in search of food. When I posted my selfie with the status searching food on a social networking site with my smartphone the entire world commented wishing me long life. I and my pet walked through the sands of sahara in which we had built the sand castle. We found no burger shop to satisfy our thirst nor a single cold drink shop to quench our hunger. We were heartbroken. So I ordered a pepperoni pizza with my phone. We ate it. But mother nature was antagonised by human sin and she took revenge. The next morning there were Earthquakes, Volcanoes, Tornadoes, Cyclones and every thing else you had ever read in a geography book. We feared the doomsday might be near. So I downloaded the movie 2012 and watched it on my Crackbook Air. The desert we were in suddenly smelled like its on fire and we were right. Forest fires swept across the desert. I and my pet cat ran for our lives and ultimately reached your newspaper office where I just shared the story of my Life against Death.”
PS. The inconsistency in the plot of the story is not our fault, for complements or complaints please contact HIM.