To ensure proper bowel movement in antigravity environment astronauts should consume magnetic food and have their toilet seat magnetised , says CONCERN


30 February, 0051: Health is wealth. But astronauts have their health (and their nation’s wealth) tested to the limit when they exit Earth’s atmosphere and enter into the heavens. The anti gravity environment affects their circulatory, sensory, muscular and most importantly, digestive system. With no pull of gravity egestion becomes a herculean task and posterior sphincter of the gut is fatigued much easily without much of a mentionable and satisfactory result. Newtons laws of motion no longer determine the frequency, rate, velocity, trajectory and time of the event of egestion which leads to extreme confusion and an increased amount of undigested fibres towards the aboral end of the gut leading to an unwanted weight gain. To avoid such unmentionable problems physicians of CONCERN(Constructive Operation on Cultural Educational Research and Nurture) have advised the physicists of CONCERN to ensure that the astronauts should take in more amount of magnetic food and have their washroom magnetised for proper bowel movement. As the gravitational force is too weak to help out the constipated astronauts, electromagnetic force which is 10^37 times stronger than gravity is believed to turn out to be helpful for proper waste management inside the human organism and effectively reduce sitting time from over an hour to just over a minute. CONCERN has indeed solved a deep and plaguing concern of the space-goers. They have decided to name this ground breaking movement, ‘Motional Emotion’ and have declared that the tagline would be, “All’s well if it exits well’.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Antarctica Daily

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