30 February, 0065: Nature has been angered and here are the consequences. No more mango its just bitter gourd.
Last day a group of people from a Sri Lankan village cut the branches of a mango tree which was known to bear the sweetest mango ever and donated them to a group of scientist who offered to manipulate its genes and create more mango trees like that with the payment of a nominal fee. The mango tree clearly declared that cutting branches wasn’t a deal, but people didn’t care. Today morning just as everyone went to the tree to pluck a few fruits, they were socked to see that all the yellow, red mangoes have been replaced with green pale bitter gourds.
This news teaches us that, Greed is the end of all good.😰😥😰:(😱😨
30 February, 0060: “Hygiene is my gene!”, although grammatically incorrect, this tagline served to be the fingerprint identification of Antarctica’s Health Minister Mr. Slow White. Last Friday, after going home from the Antarctic Parliament Mr. White decided to sleep a peaceful sleep and dream a beautiful dream and hence brushed his teeth with a slight hurry. However, it was while this brushing of teeth that he suddenly realized that his tooth brush was on the shelf. It was a normal sight during the normal course of the day, but the paradox was that if he located his toothbrush 10 meters away on the shelf while brushing his teeth then how is he brushing his teeth? It suddenly dawned upon him that both the statements of the paradox was true as he was indeed brushing his teeth and his toothbrush was indeed on the shelf. In other simple words, he was brushing his teeth with someone else’s toothbrush. This infuriated him and broke him down then it agonized him along with terrifying him with a ghastly scare which when compared to his incomparable perfectionist-ism about hygiene created a deadly feeling of terror and insecurity causing palpitation accompanied with torrential downpour of sweat. He was immediately rushed to the hospital only to be reported dead officially. Doctors did the postmortem and declared the reason of the death to be heart attack due to over reaction due to breaching of personal core values which when translated to the words of common man stands for – death due to sudden unhygienic action of brushing teeth by someone else’s brush, by a human who is obsessed with personal hygiene.
30 February,0015:When the adjectives like heart throbbing and nail biting fall short, during the narration of an incident, you can bet that it’s another fiction story from one of the greatest authors of all time. However, HE proved us all wrong yesterday. HE who should not be named (he is not Voldemort, he just requested us not to disclose his name) had recently returned from a seven year trip from the Pacific Ocean and as you have already guessed, he had a bag of stories with him. The stories he shared with us had left all of us speechless, but our fingers weren’t numb, so here we publish the most interesting part of his strange experience…
The following extract is presented exactly the way HE narrated the story.
“It was daylight but the sun wasn’t visible. The gentle waves were rocking the boat through a dangerous storm. I was alone in the boat. The sunlight blinded my eyes but I was already blinded by the dust in the wind. My boat was almost sinking at times, and I needed to dive into the water to keep the boat afloat. I had no food, other than the cold beef steaks and some pie and some chops and some chips and some… well the list is never ending. I had no water to drink other than the sea water. But still I drank water from the mineral water bottles. After travelling in that lonely boat for six days and three nights, I and my companion reached the shore. My companion who was also alone in my boat helped me jump into the water and swim to the shore. We almost drowned in the one metre deep water while swimming. Then, after reaching the land I built a sand castle. We decided to live in it for a few days. But the weather changed and it changed bad. The moon was scorching, the sun was freezing. I and my pet dog who accompanied me were wandering in search of food. When I posted my selfie with the status searching food on a social networking site with my smartphone the entire world commented wishing me long life. I and my pet walked through the sands of sahara in which we had built the sand castle. We found no burger shop to satisfy our thirst nor a single cold drink shop to quench our hunger. We were heartbroken. So I ordered a pepperoni pizza with my phone. We ate it. But mother nature was antagonised by human sin and she took revenge. The next morning there were Earthquakes, Volcanoes, Tornadoes, Cyclones and every thing else you had ever read in a geography book. We feared the doomsday might be near. So I downloaded the movie 2012 and watched it on my Crackbook Air. The desert we were in suddenly smelled like its on fire and we were right. Forest fires swept across the desert. I and my pet cat ran for our lives and ultimately reached your newspaper office where I just shared the story of my Life against Death.”
PS. The inconsistency in the plot of the story is not our fault, for complements or complaints please contact HIM.