My Shy Try to Fly Sky High

7 March 2018

I am a pilot. By I, I mean, the guy who narrated the story. I, by the way, am just the author of this story, in whose imagination, the narrator did narrate his narration. So, from now on, everytime I say I, I don’t mean I, but instead refer to him.

I was just promoted to the prestigious position of captain of a Boring 747. Previously, I was just a pilot in AirPus A380. The flight plan was to fly under the sea level, destroy a few submarine’s on the way, perform a landing in Mariana Trench along with the co-pilot who was French, in an attempt to drench the bench full of Passengers who were hanging out on the flight roof.

But I was a person of unimaginable courage. By which I mean that I could never ever imagine that there existed an emotion called courage. But that was the past. That was when I was alive. Now I am not, by the way!

At this point I, by this I, I mean I, the real I, the author I, was really scared. But soon I learned not to judge a person based on whether he was alive or dead! Okay, now back to the narrator I, again.

I was extremely afraid to disobey my boss’ orders. But my co-pilot said that we should, at least for once, perform a swooping dive, from the outermost layers of the atmosphere to the deepest depth of the planet.

I must agree, that I agreed to agree. I shyly climbed up higher and higher. I flew sky high and then began the drop. But unfortunately, our flight was on reverse gear and we flew further away from Earth. Ultimately, we landed on Mars. This made Melon Musk and Beff Bezos seriously upset.

Actually we had crash landed on Mars, which is why I am not alive anymore.

I, again the author I, have no idea why on Earth, I mean, on Mars, did he narrate this awkward story. If you read this entirely, then please comment an appreciable reason. I am totally clueless. SO AM I. Wait, are you still here? I AM EVERYWHERE! Oh My God…

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

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Aeroplane Flushes Kill more people than Crashes

30 February, 0135: Have you ever been to the restroom while flying? Yes of course. Did you walk out alive? Well, I did but on a stretcher after the emergency landing.

If you can relate the preceding text with your life and if you are still alive then you should probably thank the modern medicine. A study conducted last April found out that, Out of 35,000 who ‘walk’ into the plane restroom, only 3500 are lucky enough to walk out. About 10,000 are carried out and the remaining, their souls simply increase their altitude a bit further and reach their final destination.

In case, you still have no idea what we are talking about, well, it’s the restroom FLUSH. It has been metaphorically compared to mount Vesuvius by the great author Pliny. Meanwhile, Shakespeare and the contemporaries have kept themselves contented by regarding it as the Thunder. In fact, according to historians, it was believed by Great thinkers in Ancient Rome that the Thunder was nothing but a Flush from a plane restroom. Several instances from the stone age suggest that it was such noises from the plane restroom which has taught the early men the importance of Noise Cancelling Headphones. Anthropologists have blamed such flushes to be the reason for the Great Paleozoic Extinction and also the reason for the Dinosaur’s extinction.

Beware, FLUSHING KILLS.

Now let us ask an experienced Pilot about how he feels after flushing? He answers,” That is the scariest thing I ever did in my life. The sudden boom , which is indeed a sonic boom, gets echoed inside the cramping restroom and somehow manages to knock me out every single time. In fact that is why airplane companies have added this external restroom door opener, to forcibly open the restroom door even if it is locked from inside.” We won’t deny but we found the last statement, well, DISTURBING. So much that we immediately discontinued taking the interview.

But we hope, that mankind will overcome this problem. Just like they learnt to fly one day, they would, one day, learn to silence the Restroom Flush. With this beautiful thought in our mind, let us count till 12 and then we all will be silent.

PS: In case you have no idea why, check out on Pablo Neruda.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website