Hospitals will use Mosquitoes to Collect BLOOD

30 February, 0143: We are all afraid of syringes and needles and injections, and even more scared of modernised draculas i.e. doctors, who draw blood in syringes! But all this is about to come to an end. Mosquitoes are set to replace the injections at your clinic.

Mosquitoes in Action

Recently we came to know that Blood-Tasting Draculas are safer than Blood-Testing Clinics but now we all have been surprised by the latest development in the science of pathology. It states that natural ectoparasites like mosquitoes can, in fact, more efficiently draw blood from humans. In a study named, “Proboscis or Syringe” it was found out that most people around the world voted the mosquito method of blood collection to be less scarier.

Genetic Engineers are in a mission to make the Mosquitoes sign a deal that they would no longer inject germs into human beings and would instead receive a monthly payment of 10% of the blood drawn. MAD (Mosquito Agency of Delhi) have already agreed to the deal and have promised that they would start their new job from the next month.

So from May, if you ever visit a clinic for blood sampling, a doctor would no longer pierce you with a killer syringe but would rather deploy an army of mosquitoes!

How it will look?

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website and Our Not So Simple Yet Elegant Website

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Adenine refuses to bond with Thymine after DNA riots

30 February, 0115: The entire world stood on one leg and had their eyes fixed on the ongoing debate between the Nitrogen bases that was being broadcasted on every television channel including the ones belonging to the music and kids genre. Not just human beings but also every other living being including all plants, fungi and protists and their uncle monerans with their maternal grandfather DNA viruses watched in an unsettling silence as the moderator of the debate, Mr. Sugar Phosphate did his moderation to keep the debate going with ever intensifying twists in the plot. Both Adenine and Thymine often changed their sides periodically going for and against the motion supported by the purines and pyrimidines alternatively.

dna

The RNA viruses like Influenza virus, HIV virus and others were meanwhile enjoying a cup of tea as Uracil was in pretty good terms with Adenine and Cytosine and Guanine were mild in their protest and agreed upon their mutual 3 Hydrogen bonds. However it was Adenine and Thymine who had been constantly arguing and threatening the other that if their demands were not met then they might completely stop forming nucleotides let alone form the polymer DNA! The DNA world was seethed with turmoil as mRNAs and the tRNAs synthesized proteins in the Pituitary to form the Thyroid Stimulating Hormone which compelled Thyroid gland to produce Thyroxine which worsened the debate by raising the basal metabolic rate high enough to cause denaturation of the Cell proteins in which the debate was taking place.

Ultimately, as Methionine reported, Adenine and Thymine may continue with their 2 Hydrogen bonds for the next 1 Billion years provided they were gifted with 1 ATP and 2 NADH2 molecules for every base pair formation. This could mean that all the living beings would have to increase their nutritional uptake and all the DNA molecules would lose some of their stability.

In a post-debate interview, Cysteine and Tyrosine said, “We would have no problem with translation, but it is the transcription and DNA replication that would be costlier from now on!”

At the end after a lot of interviews, Haemoglobin ultimately revealed the fact that Adenine and Thymine started bickering after they disagreed upon which was the Master gland Pituitary or Hypothalamus!!!

FOR ANY MORE QUERIES, visit THIS WEBSITE.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Pun Wit MeMe

Mango tree mysteriously bears bitter gourds after local people forcibly cut away some of its branches

30 February, 0065: Nature has been angered and here are the consequences. No more mango its just bitter gourd.

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What it was...:-)
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What it is and would be....:-(

Last day a group of people from a Sri Lankan village cut the branches of a mango tree which was known to bear the sweetest mango ever and donated them to a group of scientist who offered to manipulate its genes and create more mango trees like that with the payment of a nominal fee. The mango tree clearly declared that cutting branches wasn’t a deal, but people didn’t care. Today morning just as everyone went to the tree to pluck a few fruits, they were socked to see that all the yellow, red mangoes have been replaced with green pale bitter gourds.
This news teaches us that, Greed is the end of all good.😰😥😰:(😱😨

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com

Students revolt after Education Minister renames Biology Labs as Living rooms

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30 February, 0046: Anger is the leading cause of revolution and it was proved once again by the students of India. A few days ago when Education Minister Dr Solanum Nigrum passed a new bill the entire student population of India was infuriated with furious fury to have the new bill cancelled. “The new law is simply unbearable”, declared a student from Maharashtra. The bill was about a small change in the nomenclature of the biology lab as Living room. Ministers believed that this change has the potential to rebuild the perception of school by the students and to replace the heavy disciplinary atmosphere of the school with a more informal home-like environment. Living room would also be accurate in the literary sense as biology lab is all about life and is indeed a room. But students’ demands soared high. They declared that bio lab is not having a TV nor a WiFi nor are allowed to carry our mobiles and hence calling it the luxurious living room is quite undignified and simply an insult to the very foundations of the living room. Moreover biology lab has more preserved and dead stuff than things which are actually living. “Instead you should call our biology lecture room a bed room as almost everyone is asleep in there”, pointed out a student from Kolkata. Hence, the entire idea of renaming the lab was received with criticism and banners like “Living room Go Back”&”Bio Lab come back”. Reports suggest that very soon the education minister will address the students in a public meeting and resolve all the complaints and meet their demands.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com

China to follow Binomial Nomenclature for naming people

30 February,0020: It was since the industrial revolution that the human population boom has taken the human population itself by surprise. One of the strangest consequences of this alarming increase in population was seen in the world’s most populous country China. With more than 1.357839372676 billion people the day-to-day administration had suffered from a huge problem to keep track of all the people and the taxes they pay. That’s why, world famous Chinese Doctor King Kong (now known as, Mesoanterionasonigro periepidermoraymondum called so for having a black spot on the nose and his habit of wearing Raymond around his epidermis) said to us in a press conference,”We will have a scientific name for each human being and each should have a unique set of taxa for specifically defining that human being. We have decided to divide the population into two hi-fila based on their feeding habits as you can see here(while pointing to a slide, see top image) which will in turn be divided into several classes and henceforth we will follow the same taxonomic categories as in modern taxonomy system.” A human taxonomy committee has been set up to prepare the ICHN(International Code for Human Nomenclature). With this strange announcement Dr. King Kong has been hailed as the Father of Human. Although this can simplify human nomenclature sociologists have started to argue that it may reinforce discrimination.