Hospitals will use Mosquitoes to Collect BLOOD


30 February, 0143: We are all afraid of syringes and needles and injections, and even more scared of modernised draculas i.e. doctors, who draw blood in syringes! But all this is about to come to an end. Mosquitoes are set to replace the injections at your clinic.

Mosquitoes in Action

Recently we came to know that Blood-Tasting Draculas are safer than Blood-Testing Clinics but now we all have been surprised by the latest development in the science of pathology. It states that natural ectoparasites like mosquitoes can, in fact, more efficiently draw blood from humans. In a study named, “Proboscis or Syringe” it was found out that most people around the world voted the mosquito method of blood collection to be less scarier.

Genetic Engineers are in a mission to make the Mosquitoes sign a deal that they would no longer inject germs into human beings and would instead receive a monthly payment of 10% of the blood drawn. MAD (Mosquito Agency of Delhi) have already agreed to the deal and have promised that they would start their new job from the next month.

So from May, if you ever visit a clinic for blood sampling, a doctor would no longer pierce you with a killer syringe but would rather deploy an army of mosquitoes!

How it will look?

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website and Our Not So Simple Yet Elegant Website

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Blood-Tasting Dracula safer than Blood-Testing Clinic


30 February, 0139: Footballers are known for scoring own goals. Cricketers are known for getting dismissed by hit wickets. Now Blood Sampling Clinics will be known for calling it a day for the Blood Sampling Clinics!

In a strange study conducted last month, which Doctors from Dutch Institute of Emergency (DIE) had published publicly on the internet, we have gathered that Draculas are more helpful than scary.

According to the study, an average sterilised syringe can still introduce about a million harmful germs into our bloodstream. However, if the syringe is replaced by a blood sucking Dracula, then the number of germ intrusions decrease exponentially from millions to negative billions, i.e. instead of getting in the germs go out of our body. Not only do we succeed in providing our blood for sampling, we also purify our bloodstreams.

Moreover Draculas can instantly detect a plethora of diseases and vital signs just by tasting the blood within seconds.

After discussing the inferences of the study, doctors from all the nations have concluded that from today, all the Blood sampling clinics will shut down and instead Dracula calling Units will be set up in every locality.

CALL A DRACULA NOW

We hope that humans and Draculas will function symbiotically and make our world a better place to live in.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website