Walking in Rain is Easy


Almost as a daunting venture, I have successfully failed to comply with the title of the book in the first chapter itself. Instead of a ‘thought experiment in lonely solitude’, I did a ‘physical experiment with a friend of mine’ to investigate the above mentioned hypothesis. I have jeopardized the life of my friend and have been sued by his parents for ‘an academic attempt to end an innocent life’, but despite the odds have found a profound answer to the question of “Whether is it easy to walk in rain?” The short answer is Boolean and is ‘NO’. The long answer is what the remaining of the chapter is about.
You see, I had already warned my friend that the experiment we are about to perform is dangerous, well I don’t remember whether I had exactly used the word ‘dangerous’, I may have used Interesting, but either way I wished to convey the same meaning. I am saying this to ensure that you too should not sue me for endangering my friend’s life. So the plan was to wait for the rain and when it does come, to walk in it. It did come, quite suddenly, exactly when I was about to go to college. So I had to cancel college. Also I had to kidnap my friend temporarily to make sure that he too misses college. After punching me twice symbolically for compelling him to miss college, and hugging me twice soulfully for compelling him to miss college, he gave in to the testing of the hypothesis.
So we chose a submerged plot of land, and while the heaven was pouring uncontrollably, we decided to walk on it. I sent my friend first, and my friend went first, quite proudly. I was beginning to write off the observation as ‘walking in rain is easy’, until my eyes caught onto a peculiar pattern. For every step that he took, my friend was diminishing in size! I initially blamed it on the visual perspective, knowing that things when faraway look smaller, but then I realized that the entire body of my friend was not diminishing in size uniformly. Though his height was reducing, his oversized head was still the same size! In fact, his hands, which were raised high up in the air, were being waved frantically which resonated alarmingly well with the “HELP ME!” shouts whose source, as one might unmistakably say, was his wide open mouth! It took me a few seconds to understand that my friend was gradually drowning. It took me a few more minutes to recollect that my friend had dropped out of the swimming course. And about ten minutes of careful observation and decision-making later, I really felt the need to go and help him. By then, only his longest hair protruded the water surface, which is odd considering the effects of surface tension of water-keratin interface. I being a master swimmer and winner of local swimming competitions, ran as fast as I could, with determination and dedication, in the opposite direction! It was really torturous and remorseful for me to observe my friend drown. In fact, the fear was so overwhelming that it washed away every single bit of helpfulness that had penetrated my mind.
That day, after dusk, I visited the same place again. The rain had stopped and the water had receded from the surroundings, but not from the spot, my friend had drowned. It was then, almost as a lightning, it struck me that the spot we had chosen to test a hypothesis on walking, was in fact the center of a small lake, or may be a periphery of a large lake, it depends on your perspective! People say, lightning doesn’t strike twice. Well it struck me! A hand possessing a familiar grip suddenly crushed my right shoulder. I turned around and faced a ghost. My friend, or his ghost, was staring me right into my eyeballs! But he looked older, way older. Then lightning struck for the third time and I realized it was his father! Who was angrier than when I had broken the windshield of their new sedan with a deuce ball. What happened next, I will prefer not to share, because I had once taken a vow that I will never let curse words contaminate my literary works. In short, I was taken to police station for an attempt to murder, unless my friend spoke up for me and said that it was he who had deliberately walked into the lake and that I was seemingly innocent. Though, he added the police can penalize me for compelling him to miss the day’s college and hence, miss out a lecture on topic of narcotic drugs, which he believed, was essential to his academic development. The police in turn, turned red with anger and sued my friend’s father for falsely seeing me with attempted murder, and gifted me with a big box of chocolates for being the victim of an attempted conspiracy! But who saved my friend after he drowned, is a mystery to me till date.
To conclude, the only thing I learnt is that you should never walk in the rain, even if it camouflages your tears. Hence, by the law of induction, we can prove that, walking in rain is NOT EASY!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

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BookWorms are Evolving into KindleWorms


30 February, 0156: Natural Selection as predicted by naturally selected Charles Darwin, grandfather of Charles Darwin, is indeed driving the caravan of evolution. With this discovery of evolution of bookworms, anthropologists have been mesmerised by this anthropogenic natural selection in which kindles have replaced books on our laps, followed by kindle worms evolving from bookworms, unfortunately, on our laps too! Today let us explore this marvellous change giving rise to the first ever Electronic Food Chain!

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These worms called KindleWorms are known to reside inside tablets and kindles, the costlier the better. From Amazon to Kindles to iPad Pro they are omnipresent! They enter the device through the headphone jacks or charging ports and cause havoc inside the device. They first digest the processor, followed by lunching on the RAMs and eating up the internal storage! So if you find your tablet slowing down or signs of storage running out, you know who to blame. They attack the display at last and when they do this is how it looks:

Click Here to Find Out

We will like to thank those people from ‘Staggering Beauty’ who have been successful in capturing one of such worms and uploading it onto the web! Hope you will enjoy playing with the worm!!!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

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Doctor breaks all 206 bones of patient while sneezing during surgery


30 February, 0153: “Who can say for sure? Perhaps a frontal lobotomy would be the answer!”, said the doctor,before adding, “If science can operate on this distorted brain and put it into good use, Society would reap a great benefit!” Although, the doc said all this with an air of confidence, one hour later he tragically confirmed to the world that it was himself and not the patient who had the distorted brain!

Sneezing is good. It helps us get rid of intruders in our nasal cavity. In fact, sneezing has been regarded as a heroic act by several ancient civilizations. Often, we have observed, great empires being thrown over and newer empires being established only because the latter sneezed with more perfection! From establishing domination to ensuring victories in battles, a mighty sneeze is indeed what brave human beings look forward to!

But who knew that such a noble task such as sneezing could break hearts of so many people and what’s worse, break so many bones, in fact all, of one person. It was three days before the day after tomorrow, that is, yesterday that the doctor was attempting to attempt a frontal lobotomy, which is a pretty illegal surgery nowadays, on a 123.456 years old, rather young, as he likes to call himself, man, who had apparently been suffering from tweet syndrome, in which, one person can not refrain himself from tweeting meaningless tweets, often incomplete with invented words, especially at the middle of the night!

More Halloween Clip Art Illustrations at http://www.ClipartOf.com

Ssup Bro! How’s life?

The surgery began pretty well, with the doc making ostentatious hand movements which dazzled the innocent interns who were either presently absent or absent-mindedly present there. Unnoticed by everybody, a vicious mosquito was advancing towards the engulfing premises of the doctor’s nasal cavity. With one last flutter of wing, the mosquito successfully succeeded in succeeding to succeed to enter where many mosquitoes have only dreamed of entering. But the utterly sensitive nose of the doctor, in a moment of haste, sprang to life and what followed is probably the pinnacle of human endeavour towards modernisation. He sneezed! Not just a sneeze but a Sneeze, a big fat mighty SNEEZE!

We are unsure of what happened next, as no soul still confined within their bodies, retained their consciousness during such a cataclysmic event. What we do know, is that the patient with tweeter syndrome has fractured all 206 of his bones including the malleus, incus and stapes of both the ears!

A surgery that could have lasted only a few hours, gave birth to a situation in which the patient required at least a year worth of surgery. Our feelings and thoughts are with him tonight. 😦

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

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Polythick will replace Polythene


30 February, 0152: Very often in our rich history, have we discovered inventions and invented discoveries so intriguing that it has changed the whole history ever since, which if you think carefully, has in fact, changed the future of thence, as history could not be changed, unless you have a time machine or get hold of a few tachyons. But what happened last week  will surely be remembered by the posterity as the marvel of the millenia.

Right when we were starting to state than polythene will be the reason of extinction of human beings, some wise man from somewhere, did something so amazing that it is not yet entirely known what exactly he did, but sources say that he has devised a new type of material called Polythick, which as it sounds is a partial homophonic antonym of Polythene. Let us educate ourselves with the amazing properties of this ‘all new material’:

  1. It is not non-biodegradable like polythene, neither is it biodegradable. It is instead, Hyperbiodegradable, which means it degrades as soon as you synthesize it and degrades everything else around it, be it metals or wood simultaneously. It is believed to be THE thing that will help us out with waste  management.
  2. It is ductile, malleable, sonorous with high tensile strength and at the same time it is brittle, prone to corrosion, biosynthetic and responsive to touch.
  3. It can change colour depending upon the political situation. Presently it is red in US and Orange in India, though reverse is also not impossible.
  4. It has anti-gravity properties,  book made up of this can be difficult to put down.
  5. It can suddenly vanish and then reappear at a different place, in fact, Joking Growling has confirmed that this was used by Death to make the younger brothers’ invisibility cloak.
  6. Its cost can vary humongously, one second it could be a dollar for a ton, the next minute it might be Graham’s Number of Pounds for a microgram.
  7. It can be used to make bullets as well as clothes, but you should consider the 5th point above before buying such a dress.
  8. It is synthesized by adding the costliest water to a specific nutritious drink. (click to know which!)
  9. It does not catch fire when  placed in fire, but catches fire when drenched in water, and similarly, and also ironically, it is heavier than iron and lighter than feather.
  10. It even has artificial intelligence!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

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Mango tree mysteriously bears bitter gourds after local people forcibly cut away some of its branches


30 February, 0065: Nature has been angered and here are the consequences. No more mango its just bitter gourd.

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What it was...:-)

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What it is and would be....:-(

Last day a group of people from a Sri Lankan village cut the branches of a mango tree which was known to bear the sweetest mango ever and donated them to a group of scientist who offered to manipulate its genes and create more mango trees like that with the payment of a nominal fee. The mango tree clearly declared that cutting branches wasn’t a deal, but people didn’t care. Today morning just as everyone went to the tree to pluck a few fruits, they were socked to see that all the yellow, red mangoes have been replaced with green pale bitter gourds.
This news teaches us that, Greed is the end of all good.😰😥😰:(😱😨

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com

History forgets to repeat itself after Chemistry solves the mystery


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30 February, 0050: Detective stories have been an integral part of human literature and the intelligence and wit embedded into it have drawn the least enthusiasts to stick to the pages of the book and have converted them into book worms. Although in the usual literary style a detective always solves the mystery at the end with dramatic unfolding of secrets, world famous Antarctic Author Fan Frown publishes his new Thriller in which the detective himself is the criminal, witness, victim and the suspect! But the true mystery gets uncovered by a Chemistry teacher who in no way is identical to the characters one usually finds in the detective stories! The story is about the murder of an unknown person by an unknown murderer in an unknown method at an unknown place and with an unknown reason on an unknown date. The detective who is an 86 year old Spanish citizen suddenly at the middle of the night visits an unknown police station for reporting about an unknown crime and files an FIR that a person who is unknown to be unknown had died an unknown number of days ago. As the story progresses an unknown Chemistry teacher is introduced who while giving a chemistry lecture shouts out,”Helium-IodineSulphur-ThoriumAstatine-BariumDueterium-PhosphorusErbiumSulphurOxygenNitrogen!” (Which translates to, ‘He is the bad person’) In this way he points towards him (we don’t know which he refers to whom) and he cries that he is innocent and he gets caught by him and he tries to run but he suddenly calls the police and he gets arrested. (Because of overuse of pronouns our literary experts have failed to decipher the meaning of the previous scene) At the end the detective himself gets caught after he declares that he is the criminal and gives crucial arguments supporting that he is indeed guilty and we come to know that the person who was murdered was the detective himself by the murderer who was himself! In this way history could not repeat itself as for the first time a detective story ends detective less and on a scary note but chemistry triumphs as the chemistry teacher receives the Antarctica Bravery Award for his awesome skill of talking in chemical names of elements and for solving the mystery in an unknown way!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com