It is Raining Lava in Sahara

30 January 2018

We knew Sahara was hot. But we never even had thought that there will ever be a heated debate about Lava Rains in Sahara.

It is general knowledge that volcano spews out lava when it erupts, just like a pimple spews out pus when it erupts! But with no active volcano near the hot spot, no logic seemed to explain the origin of the lava! Initial guess was that, the reddish heavenly downpour was blood, although whose it was, had no apparent answer. But after those seemingly bloody droplets landed on the outstretched tongues of the scientists who were observing the phenomena, they realised that not even the blood of the evilest satan was so corrosive, so as to perforate their tongue, fall upon their feet, perforate their feet, fall on the sand, boil through the sand, emerge on the other side of the world, rise to a height, high enough to conserve momentum, fall back, boil through the earth, through the hole in their feet, up the front of their body, through the tongue-hole, which BTW is a slang in Antarctica, rise upto the heavenly source, start falling again and continue the cycle. Hence, it had to be LAVA.

They soon informed the world media about this and reporters flooded the place, and returned with eye-holes, head-holes, newer nose-holes and other apertures created by the trajectory of the lava. Some intelligent reporters, escaped this whole hole creation problem by letting the drop fall into their oral-hole and exit through their, well, you know, I guess we both know what I mean, while doing a few somersaults, so as to prevent the lava from creating gut-holes, other than the already existing ones, which technically, are not what we just called them.

In case, you had visited the place, then we would like to hear about your whole experience, down in the comments!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

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Flying without wings (in an Aeroplane)

Tom, Dick and Harry were flying in an Aeroplane. Then the wings fell off. Two minutes later the plane slammed onto the ground.
Flying without wings is impossible. Flying, without wings, in an Aeroplane is possible. Flying, without wings, in an Aeroplane without wings is again impossible. Hence, the plane had slammed onto the ground, exactly two minutes after the wings had fallen off. Now you will experience the last two minutes of the flight, in first person singular, as the narration of Tom, Dick and Harry, individually.
Tom: “I sat quietly by the window, doing nothing. I wanted to do something, but I could not. The vision, of mother Earth rising up towards our flight, was stupefying. It was so unnerving, that for the next one minute and fifty nine seconds, I could not fathom that it was our flight which was falling, and not the ground that was rising. In those long, painstaking, one hundred and nineteen seconds, I came up with multiple theories that will explain the levitation of the mother Earth. First, I assumed that I was witnessing the formation of a mountain. I knew, how the Himalayas rose out of the Tethys, so I could visualize the grounds rising. Also, I entertained the thought that my eyes were zooming in by a phenomenon, yet unknown to biologists. I soon got bored of my thoughts, as the will to jump off with a parachute consumed me. Hence, I tore away the life jacket which was supposed to be used for water landings and I ran ‘out’ of the cockpit to alert the cabin crew. Just as I got to my feet, one one nine seconds after the plane had started falling, I realized the plane had started falling one one nine seconds back. And then the plane slammed on to the ground. Oh! By the way, did I mention to you that I was the Captain of the Flight?”
Dick: “I am a Cabin Crew. I was waiting to be confirmed by the captain that the plane was falling, so that I could prepare the cabin for crash landing. But the captain never approached me. And I blissfully kept on believing that the plane was not falling, even though the blood curling shouts of the passengers indicated otherwise. In the last two minutes, I observed strange things, like the weighing machine showing reduced weight of whoever standing on it. The water and associated sewage was no more flowing down the emergency drain but rather floated uniformly in the engulfing premises of the lavatory, adding an essence of antigravity and an aroma of foul odors. Every single hair on every single head, stood high up appreciating the free fall of the aircraft. But, I corrected myself, the flight was not falling, because the captain had not said so. I kept on minding my own business, until I realized that I was seated high up in the sky, probably in heaven. I saw many passengers accompanying me. But I failed to locate the captain, Tom. He probably had continued the downward journey, arguably initiated by the flight, and by now, must have had joined the demon at the barbeque.”
Harry: “I swear the flight did not fall. In fact the flight was rising higher every moment. If you ask me, the flight should not have taken off that day. It was still under maintenance. The only reason that it did take off was that a bunch of foolish passengers had mistakenly boarded the flight, followed by a smaller bunch of foolish cabin crews and then a few foolish cockpit guys. The wings of the flight were still not fixed properly, so it is not surprising that those fell off in mid-air. The flight was cruising at thirty two thousand feet when the mishap happened. Luckily, I was not in the flight. I was the mechanic fixing the wings, I ‘was’ because I no more ‘am’, and I was still on the wings when the flight took off. I was unaware of that, as I was listening to music and continued disassembling the wings while the flight was in the air! When the wings were loosened enough, I fell with it, and while falling I saw the flight miraculously rise higher up in the air. By the time, the plane had crashed I was already in the immigration section of Heaven, wondering ‘How the Hell’ did I end up here?”
The interviews were taken by reporters from Antarctica Daily, post death at venues like hell and heaven!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Antarctica Daily


Building named Ψ collapses after Observation

30 February, 0142: 666 people were injured, 66 people were killed and 6 people were executed as 6 day old 666 m high building collapsed within 6.6 seconds in front of 66 Million people witnessing its inauguration. Police have blamed it totally onto the 6 Board members who were in charge of naming the building and executed them immediately, because what they had done, was apparently a Crime.

You can name your building Zeta and it will have a great potential. You may name it Gamma and it will radiate energy to the neighbourhood. You may also name it Epsilon as it is quite permissible. But, do, not, ever, name, it, PSI. Please! As it will collapse as soon as it is observed.


Wave function collapsing after Measurement i.e. Observation

In case, you still have no idea why, it is because Psi or Ψ is used to denote wave function in Physics. According to the rules of quantum mechanics, as soon as an electron or a similar particle is observed, its wave function collapses into one of its quantum states. Hence, if the building you were building is named Psi, it too collapses. And the result is that, multiple people die. MULTIPLE INNOCENT PEOPLE DIE. 😦

Last Monday, as soon as the new building was inaugurated, the restless crowd of 66 Million people, threw a heavy glance at the Building and observed it which immediately succumbed to the Copenhagen Interpretation and Collapsed!

May the souls of the departed, Rest in Peace.*

*And the Souls of the horrible building namers, who were executed, be given a exquisite super deluxe tour of Dante’s HELL.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Antarctica Daily
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