Poem: Slow Down, Champ!

24 April 2018

Walking for long is difficult,
You might get a cramp,
I can’t follow if you walk so fast,
Please do Slow Down, Champ!

You will win a walking race,
I predict it and put a stamp,
But don’t go too fast on this old road,
It’s dark and there’s no lamp!

Wait now, please don’t take that turn,
For there is an army camp,
You might disturb resting soldiers,
If you don’t stop your tramp!

I think I have torn my shoe,
Hence I can’t ascend the ramp,
A stitch in time could save me nine,
I’ll have a quick revamp.

Take a deep breath and smell the air,
Due to rain it smells so damp,
Now stop breathing you’ll lungs will burst,
You naughty playful scamp.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

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Diabetic Man sues Sugar Cubes

14 March 2018

An year in Jail would be minimum. Also, there is a fine fine of Ten Thousand Dollars to be paid. While, half a million dollar of compensation was paid to the Sugar Cube.

Yep, the tables have turned. The reason the diabetic man had sued the sugar cube has backfired. And the man is in trouble.

His fasting blood glucose was 1000 mg/dl and his post prandial was 2000 mg/dl. Theoretically, he should have been dead. But practically, he was suing the sugar.

His claim was simple. Sugar is silent killer and its cube is no different. Hence, it must pay all the hospital bills needed to keep him fit. With this logic, he sued it.

But, an investigation was made as soon as the claim was made. And LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) was found in the sugarcube . The cube was found in a jar. The jar was found in his home. He was, therefore, arrested for taking hallucinogens.

He blamed some drug dealer named Maganlal Meghraj for supplying him these cubes. Yep, THESE CUBES. Police raided his house to justify the use of the plural. After 10 minutes, they discovered the other 4999 LSD cubes hidden safely in his home.

He was prosecuted. His punishment is described in the first paragraph…

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

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These Mutant Mosquitoes can Open your Windows and Fly in

30 February, 0160: Earlier, closing the windows would have kept the mosquitoes out. But nowadays, you need to lock them up meticulously, to ensure the hindrance to the energetic entrance of the mighty mosquitoes into your room. And, believe me, it sucks, literally. And all this has happened because of a crazy gang of scientist who somehow locked themselves inside a lab and to get the hell out of there, they invented, rather mutated, mosquitoes and enabled them to open the gates. Those gates, which had locked them inside the engulfing premises of the laboratory were actually secured by a combination lock. The scientist tried their level best, but performed beyond their level worst in opening the combination lock and ended up feeling stranded in their own comfort zone.

Hence, they brought out GASERs, Gamma-ray-Amplification-by-Stimulated-Emission-of-Radiation and randomly shot gamma ray bursts in arbitrary direction. One such ray hit a mosquito which has hanging out inside the lab with its friends. It immediately underwent Neo-darwinian saltatory mutation resulting in supreme computational and combinatorial abilities of its brain. Although, the effect was not observable immediately, within a few moments the scientist found the area vector of the opening of their wide open mouths antiparallel to the area vector of the door (when the door frame is observed counterclockwise). In other words, the locked door, was so no more! They could finally leave their labs!

Meanwhile, the mosquito which had opened the door, flew out into wilderness. There it mated successfully with what turned out to be, an obscenely offensive number of mates. Within weeks, millions of mutated mosquitoes were flying around the world. Since, the mutation turned out to be autosomal dominant, every mosquito in the family line could successfully flaunt their mathematical skills.

Millions of houses, across the world, which had windows and doors closed for mosquitoes, began to be broken into by them. The intelligent ones, who had secured the doors and windows using a combination lock, were wiser neither. But only legends, locked their windows and doors with conventional locks. Only these people were the ones, who remained untouched and unsucked upon by the mosquitoes.

That’s why we advise you, do not just close the windows, LOCK THEM (WITH CONVENTIONAL LOCKS).

🙂

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Editor-in-chief

Antarctica Daily

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Blood-Tasting Dracula safer than Blood-Testing Clinic

30 February, 0139: Footballers are known for scoring own goals. Cricketers are known for getting dismissed by hit wickets. Now Blood Sampling Clinics will be known for calling it a day for the Blood Sampling Clinics!

In a strange study conducted last month, which Doctors from Dutch Institute of Emergency (DIE) had published publicly on the internet, we have gathered that Draculas are more helpful than scary.

According to the study, an average sterilised syringe can still introduce about a million harmful germs into our bloodstream. However, if the syringe is replaced by a blood sucking Dracula, then the number of germ intrusions decrease exponentially from millions to negative billions, i.e. instead of getting in the germs go out of our body. Not only do we succeed in providing our blood for sampling, we also purify our bloodstreams.

Moreover Draculas can instantly detect a plethora of diseases and vital signs just by tasting the blood within seconds.

After discussing the inferences of the study, doctors from all the nations have concluded that from today, all the Blood sampling clinics will shut down and instead Dracula calling Units will be set up in every locality.

CALL A DRACULA NOW

We hope that humans and Draculas will function symbiotically and make our world a better place to live in.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website

Extreme Hypertension and Fever can convert your body into a DIAMOND MINE

30 February,0090: Maladies and diseases are draining the wealth of human beings faster than, what would have been, if we would have placed a black hole inside our pockets. But as Medical Researches have researched out, Diseases can also make you a billionaire. All you need is a Hypertension and Pyrexia.

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How skulls will appear Very Soon….

Hypertension is the medical condition when our Blood Pressure increases uncontrollably causing harm to the arteries and the Heart itself, which ostentatiously pumps more and more blood out to prove its Dominance over bodily functions. Pyrexia is just the fancy name for fever, which you can use once in a while to exhibit your fluency in medical terminology.

According to chemists and geologists, diamonds are formed when Carbon molecules are trapped under huge pressure and extremely elevated temperature. Human beings are made of organic molecules which all contain Carbon. Now, if we succeed only in increasing the pressure and temperature we would all be successful in converting ourselves into diamond mines!

Not only will this prove to be a perfect source of income but also it can make us optimistic about life and make our world a better place to live in.

In case the above mentioned discovery does not help you out in earning money, You can check out some Free ways to make Money .

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
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Mango tree mysteriously bears bitter gourds after local people forcibly cut away some of its branches

30 February, 0065: Nature has been angered and here are the consequences. No more mango its just bitter gourd.

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What it was...:-)
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What it is and would be....:-(

Last day a group of people from a Sri Lankan village cut the branches of a mango tree which was known to bear the sweetest mango ever and donated them to a group of scientist who offered to manipulate its genes and create more mango trees like that with the payment of a nominal fee. The mango tree clearly declared that cutting branches wasn’t a deal, but people didn’t care. Today morning just as everyone went to the tree to pluck a few fruits, they were socked to see that all the yellow, red mangoes have been replaced with green pale bitter gourds.
This news teaches us that, Greed is the end of all good.😰😥😰:(😱😨

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com

Hundreds of ACs reported dead as epidemic sweeps across Germ-many

30 February,0016: After the Ebola scare, its the brand new AC machine flu which is scaring the people worldwide. Although reported cases haven’t yet crossed the boundary of Germ-many, people from all the neighboring countries have already taken required precautions. According to the reports, the bacteria named ACtomycetes is responsible for the spread of the epidemic. It attacks the external unit directly and slowly corrodes the important metal parts. In the advanced stage the internal unit is affected and the bleeding of coolant fluids take place. As a result, the air conditioner suffers from anaemia and fever resulting in slower and hotter air circulation. Anti-ACdeteriorics like ACtomycin and AC-cyclin have been discovered which are believed to have immediate effect in healing the AC. As a precaution it is advised by WHAT(World’s Healthy Air-conditioner Treatment) head Mr. Hell in Killer to make the AC wear masks and to supply electricity on a balance diet. It is believed that modern medication will soon eradicate the problem. However, Hundreds of AC has been sold in the exchange offer and the Germ-man AC industry has suffered a huge loss.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily