The Door that Knocked Itself


Moving into a new house can be a little tricky sometimes. You have a ton of compromises to make. From adapting to the new environment, to familiarizing yourself with the neighbourhood, it can often take a toll on your daily life experience, especially so, if the door that your house has likes to knock itself.

Mornings are usually less disastrous. You wake up humming a song which is stuck in your head since the last week, but you still can’t identify it beyond doubts. You come alarmingly close to recognising the song, and, there is a knock on the door. You rush frantically towards the door because you were expecting the Amazon delivery. With a smile on your face, and anticipation in your mind, you open the door only to find out that your garden looks greener than usual, probably pertaining to the fact that it had rained yesterday. But there is no one at the door! At least no one who is not invisible. You start questioning the existence of Harry’s invisibility cloak, while scanning the surroundings with darting eyes. For a second, you are convinced that you did indeed hear a door-knock but the next moment you are back to the kitchen merrily humming the same old song.

Few minutes later, another knock draws your attention. This time you are sure you have heard it. You take long steps to the door, take a deep breath, and open the door. But, NOPE. There is no one! You smell a mystery, actually you smell the essence of wet soil, but you pretend that it is a mystery. You walk out of the house and being a careful person as you are you close the door behind you, right when you hear another knock. The smell, which while sniffing earlier seemed to be of mystery, now was of downright suspense. You walk up to the door so slowly, that a time-lapse video would have looked normal. You bang open the door, or at least you plan to, but you don’t because you are struck metaphorically by lighting and literally by a thought, which is whether the knock came from inside? For if the answer to the aforementioned question is yes, then it will explain every strange phenomena you have been experiencing since the morning. You realise that the reason you have not been able to locate the knocker of the door is because you have been searching in the wrong place altogether! The one who knocked was not physically placed outside your door, but was rather sharing the comfort of your own home! Now you carefully open the door and hold it still at a forty five degree angle with the usual open or usual close position and start surveying both the outside and the inside.

You hear the door knock again. Now you are convinced that the natural and normal knocking of the door is undeniably supernatural and paranormal.

No one is inside, no one is outside, yet the door got knocked. You hear another knock and you plan to knock down the door! A kick and a punch later you stand victorious, in your doorway with no doors to make it one. Almost as a miracle, a garbage truck was passing by, you hail to the driver, ask him to stop the truck, then you throw the door onto the truck and as the truck sails away, rather rolls away, or even better, gets driven away, you start missing the self-knocking door for the first time which you yourself had knocked down. You return back into the house, with emotions of nostalgia and reminiscence flooding your mind, because you have just realised that you start to value something, only when it’s gone. Missing your door you spend the rest of the day trying to push the image of the gaping doorway away from your mind.

That night a thief breaks into your home, rather walks into your home and steals away every valuables of yours.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

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‘Man-Eating Tiger’ EATS ‘Man Eating Tiger’ for Eating ‘Man-Eating-Tiger-Eating Man’


30 February, 0137: Honestly, we have no idea, who ate whom!

Zoologist Mrs Terribly Horrific and Botanist Mr Horribly Terrific were wandering in the forests of Sunderban, where they observed food chain at its most complicated. An omnivore and a Carnivore along with their fellow specimens from that specific species were specifically specifying which specification of their prey was the tastiest. It turned out that the red color of the ground which they previously perceived to be due to indomitable fan following of Manchester United in the Sunderbans was actually due to the blood that was shed during the historic Eating episode.

‘Man-Eating Tiger’ who eats ‘Man Eating Tiger’ for Eating ‘Man-Eating-Tiger-Eating Man’

They instantly started filming the video to Upload it on Social Media and get a few likes instead of helping out the unlucky man who was eating another tiger in turn. After completion of the filming and eating, the Zoo-Bot Duo went back to their camp and immediately returned to Germany to share their experience and upload the video using Neighbor’s fast WiFi. However before sharing publicly they decided to show the video to an English Professor of English, as they needed help in the nomenclature of the incident.

When we interviewed the Professor later he said, “What I saw was a tiger who ate a man, who liked eating tigers which liked eating men who liked eating man-eating tigers which liked eating men! I instantly asked them to name the video as “‘Man-Eating Tiger’ EATS ‘Man Eating Tiger’ for Eating ‘Man-Eating-Tiger-Eating Man’ for Eating ‘Man-Eating-Tiger-Eating-Man Eating Tiger’ for Eating ‘Man-Eating-Tiger-Eating Man’ eating Tiger”, but it seemed like a few Social Media won’t accept such a title and hence I shortened it to, “‘Man-Eating Tiger’ EATS ‘Man Eating Tiger’ for Eating ‘Man-Eating-Tiger-Eating Man'” “.

Later on when interviewed the Zoologist and Botanist they sadly declared that due to memory shortage they had to delete the video, but will surely encourage everyone to visit Sunderbans, or even live there, unless and until he himself becomes the Man who eats’Man-Eating Tiger’ Eating ‘Man Eating Tiger’ for Eating ‘Man-Eating-Tiger-Eating Man’.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website

English Movie Channels to Forecast Indian Soaps before they are Broadcasted


30 February, 0125: After a recent development in particle physics, all the English Channels like Scar Movies, Movies WowBurner Woes, Sunny Pics, etc. have made an astonishing announcement. They have promised to the viewers in every Indian household that using the concept of the string theory they will predict sequences of events which are most likely to repeat. Knowing that plots of Indian soaps are probably not an exception to  that notion and in fact, are probably the most appreciable examples of the fact, they have ventured upon a new technology to predict the future.

For example, if a specific episode was scheduled on 31st August in the Soap broadcaster channel, it will be forecasted on 32nd July on an English Movie Channel. After a long research involving the PISA (Psycho Indian Soap Analyzers) and the PIZZA (Probably International: Zzz Zzz (sleeping) Association) the producers of the movie channels have summarized the following facts:

  • Almost every Soap has a similar plot, with occasionally different character names and different actors; sometimes different actors play the same role in the same episode of the same serial, usually because everyone is accustomed to witness the changing faces of typical soap-y characters.
  • The Background music is usually borrowed from the latest hit Bollywood Movie.
  • The older the character, the crueler SHE becomes and quieter HE becomes.
  • Action scenes if to be shot, involves 3 faulty editings, 4 jumps, 5 punches and an infinite amount of camera shaking.
  • The worst insult possible is a SLAP from the most loved person.
  • The Editors are expert in Pressing CTRL+X and CTRL+V.
  • A connection of Indian Soaps to Dante Alighieri’s  Epic Poem The Divine Comedy has been established, because the number 3 is emphasised in both the cases. In Indian Soaps, every action takes place thrice, with different angles of camera, (un)pleasant background music and plethora of camera filters.

If all the data about 2 consecutive episodes are fed into a supercomputer like TRANSLTR, then within seconds the computer predicts the possible storyline for the episodes to be broadcasted in next one month.

Although the details about how String theory is useful is still a mystery, it is advisable to every soap lover that they should switch on to their English Movies Channel, and enjoy the INDIAN SOAP MARATHON from Morning 5 AM to Night 10 PM witnessing all the episode forecasts. 

Reporter: Monideepa Majumdar*

  • Star Correspondent of Leading Daily Newspaper of India
  • Understood difference between TV Soaps and Cleansing Soaps  since infancy
  • Does every action thrice with background music
  • Net Worth: Incalculable but Famous for moneylending to Bill Windows (developer of Gates OS), thrice.

*Edited by:

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website