:-( Astronauts land $50 Billion Rocket on WRONG Planet


30 February, 0146: Shocking! They had to land it on Mars, they instead landed it on Earth! Then they discovered life on the planet they themselves belong to, then by considering it to be Martian Life they conducted an international press conference, produced a documentary, collected samples essential to support *Martian* life and ULTIMATELY, found out that they had mistakenly landed on Earth. Then they went undercover and refused to answer any more interviews.

But, in this massive stage called world, which our painted civilisation have successfully exploited for the last 10 thousand years, the reporters of Antarctica Daily are always viewed with much more respect than other news sources, for we always report the Genuine news. And this time too, the rule did not endure an exception.

We did not know how to find the astronauts, but we found them, and we took an interview. The astronauts were relieved to find out that it was our reporters who had tracked them down and after a brief request, released an one-liner statement, from their constipated mouths!

We just asked them, “WHY?” and they said:

We recently learnt that, Mars was Blue, so we landed the rocket on a blue planet, it turned out to be Earth 😦

We just let them know that mars WAS blue but is no more blue as Casey Neistat started Vlogging again!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website and Our Not So Simple Yet Elegant Website

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How Cockroaches exploit WiFi?


30 February,0105: Is your data running out faster than your usage rate? Are cockroaches annoying you by getting smarter? Both these questions are basically the same question in disguise.

“If the answer is YES to both these and if it means what I think it means then you are in trouble, Big trouble and if your data is running our as I speak, then I am not taking any chances, you are doing just what the cockroaches ordered.”

-said by President of the Internet Mr Sam Wan, after asking the two questions in a press conference.

Cockroaches are using up your mobile data or your WiFi data in an ingenious way. We have no idea how(mechanism) they are doing it, but we do know HOW(procedure)?!

  1. Using Social Media like Facebook and Google+, they are creating fake accounts and deliberately sharing content stating that Cockroaches are beneficial to human health.
  2. Using Amazon and other similar websites they are ordering millions of bottles of cockroach spray and and destroying them upon delivery.
  3. Using websites like Zomato they are finding restaurants in neighbourhood and are attacking the kitchen.Using TripAdvisor they are planning their trip to visit different locations.
  4. Using Twitter they are following which celebrity is susceptible to cockroach fear and are blackmailing them to speak for the cockroaches.
  5. Using Stackexchange and other Q/A based websites like Quora and Yahoo answers they are giving a cockroachish touch to every question and doubts. These actions are playing an important role for inducing Cockroach Obsessive Behaviour(COB) in children.
  6. Using Wikipedia and StumbleUpon they are Stumbling upon different webpages which are improving their knowledge. They are also taking online courses from Coursera and edX and attending Tedx lessons.
  7. Using YouTube they are sharing Cockroach-phillic videos.
  8. Using Wix, Tumblr, Weebly they are creating websites and buying domains to make cockroachy websites.
  9. Using Google Drive and other  cloud storage websites they are uploading cockroach eggs for later download and 3D printing in other PCs.
  10. Using the medium of malware, worms, viruses, trojans they are spreading the cockroach culture all over the world.
  11. They are also signing petitions, forming intra and inter specific, generic, family, order,class,phylum and kingdom groups to enforce Cockroach rule all over the world.

PUT SIMPLY THE COCKROACH APOCALYPSE IS INEVITABLE.

FOR ANY MORE QUERIES, visit THIS WEBPAGE.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.wix.com/punwitmeme

T-Rex’s HEART found to be BEATING 100M years after FOSSILIZATION


30 February,0101: A whole lot of speculation is already there surrounding the life of the Great Dinosaur Tyrannosaurus Rex. But it was beyond the imagination of even the fiction writers and prolific film directors that one day its heartbeat will be calculated.”We were and in fact still are in pretty much of a shock. Just like everyone we too associate the fact that the heart is beating with the fact that the animal is still alive. Although not much of flesh is left in the degraded fossil of the dino, a beating heart is enough to scare us of a resurrection.”  said Australian Botanist Dr. Kang Roo.

On careful calculation the heart beat turned out to be about ’26i’ per minute, where i is the imaginary number. Mathematician Jerome Boka was the first one to theoretically predict on pen and paper the probable heartbeat and then measured it using a headphone (as a replacement for stethoscope). Although there has been no confirmation about the matter from the experts in medicine and anthropology, the mathematicians and, due to an unknown reason, Botanists seemed to have uncovered a tantalising potential hidden in the recently discovered fact.

As the theory goes the t-rex’s heartbeat is not exactly what we mean when we talk of a heartbeat. It was observed to be a simple harmonic motion of the degraded heart muscle tissue which was oscillating at a plane perpendicular to the median sagittal plane. Instead of using vector notation, in a moment of brilliance the Mathematician modelled the heart beat using complex numbers and found its time period to be another complex numbers which in turn yielded the heartbeat of 26i per minute.

Several questions have already arisen like,

  1. How can a degraded muscle tissue in a fossil represent a heart?
  2. If the heart is beating is the t-rex dead?
  3. What does the fox say? (fox=anthropologist)

and most importantly,

4. What EXACTLY was a mathematician doing with T-Rex Fossil???

IF YOU CAN ANSWER ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, PLEASE DO IT HERE.

Spark Crackerberg introduces Likes for Likes on Fleshbook


30 February, 0081: From now on none of your likes will remain unseen as Spark Crackerberg, CEO ( Chief Environmental Officer) Fleshbook had introduced the concept of liking the likes!

big-facebook-like2

Now you can like a post and your post can be liked back by the poster, or an impostor or whoever turns out to be liking the fact that your liking the fact that  the poster had shared! In turn You can like back the like of the like for your like.

In a press conference on Free Acidics the Flesh Book owner and creator shared the fact that, Now the likes could be liked and in turn could be liked back, it can continue for ever, provided the people keep on liking each other.

Footballers have especially been thrilled by the new change in their new social media platform.

On asking Why? (Actually, Why the Hell? was asked) Cracker told that it will bring people closer and help us build a better world together with ever diminishing disliking and ignorance.

Mango tree mysteriously bears bitter gourds after local people forcibly cut away some of its branches


30 February, 0065: Nature has been angered and here are the consequences. No more mango its just bitter gourd.

image

What it was...:-)

image

What it is and would be....:-(

Last day a group of people from a Sri Lankan village cut the branches of a mango tree which was known to bear the sweetest mango ever and donated them to a group of scientist who offered to manipulate its genes and create more mango trees like that with the payment of a nominal fee. The mango tree clearly declared that cutting branches wasn’t a deal, but people didn’t care. Today morning just as everyone went to the tree to pluck a few fruits, they were socked to see that all the yellow, red mangoes have been replaced with green pale bitter gourds.
This news teaches us that, Greed is the end of all good.😰😥😰:(😱😨

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com

M&M travels Back in Time


30 February, 0008:“… You’re stuck in a time warp from two thousand four though…” were the lines sung by him in his famous song Rap Dog. Who knew he would practically perform those lines in real life? Last Sunday he was invited for a rap battle in Miami, which was the venue (and don’t ask the time ’cause that’s what no one is sure ’bout) where world famous rapper M&M travelled in time. It left everyone speechless as he rapped in supersonic speed and ultimately in super-electromagnetic-radiation-ic speed. First the verses he was singing begun to reverse, which everyone thought was a part of the song, but soon after he himself begun retreating and travelling back in time and he ultimately disappeared. Scientist Michio Cuckoo clocked that his lips were moving at a speed of 299792459 km/s which is 1kmps faster than that of light. Not only has he dumbed everyone, he also proved the theory of relativity and quantum mechanics  to be wrong as he was supposed to have imaginary mass at that time. World famous scientist Albert Finestein’s greatest theory was slammed to the ground and along with it, this also glorified the reincarnation of Newtonian mechanics and Laplacian idea of determinism. People worldwide will always look back towards this event as one of the best unification of the scientific and musical world. After almost five minutes M&M was seen back on stage but he was surely 10 years younger!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay