10 Reasons why there are no Reasons

27 April 2018
There are simply no reasons. Here are ten reasons why:

  • First one is obvious: Because there are no reasons.
  • Secondly, there isn’t a question that begins with why, so there are no answers that provide a reason.
  • Neither is there any reason why we should reason out the existence of a reason.
  • It is illegal to ask why!
  • This season, reasons are tried for treason.
  • One possible reason could be the fact that reasons are nonexistent because they don’t exist.
  • The reason of not having any reason could itself be a reason.
  • The last few points, this one and the next few are reasons why these are not the reasons.
  • Reasons are not required to exist if none has risen for them.
  • Because the topic says so.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

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Poem: Ten Men Refrain to Train Brain

26 April 2018

We all have a brain,
It is our domain,
To maintain,
And sustain,
The habit of asking Intelligent Question,
Right when,
There is a hurricane,
In the Mountain,
Or a lion’s den,
On a flat plane,
And right then,
We drink champagne,
With cocaine,
To cure the pain,
Of migraine,
To have the discomfort wane,
And let euphoria reign,
Be insane,
So we can feign,
A blood stain,
Off a burst vein,
As we entertain,
With no complain,
Till it can pertain,
To our campaign,
Of being humane,
But not mundane,
Or profane,
As we obtain,
The keys to untie a chain,
That’ll help us explain,
The need to retain,
What still remain,
Before we get slain,
But then again,
There are men,
Counting ’em you get ten,
Who refrain,
To train,
Their brain!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Poem: Slow Down, Champ!

24 April 2018

Walking for long is difficult,
You might get a cramp,
I can’t follow if you walk so fast,
Please do Slow Down, Champ!

You will win a walking race,
I predict it and put a stamp,
But don’t go too fast on this old road,
It’s dark and there’s no lamp!

Wait now, please don’t take that turn,
For there is an army camp,
You might disturb resting soldiers,
If you don’t stop your tramp!

I think I have torn my shoe,
Hence I can’t ascend the ramp,
A stitch in time could save me nine,
I’ll have a quick revamp.

Take a deep breath and smell the air,
Due to rain it smells so damp,
Now stop breathing you’ll lungs will burst,
You naughty playful scamp.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Why I never order Fresh Chicken?

7 April 2018

I was hungry as f…, never mind, I’ll change the sentence, I was as hungry as a ‘fearful tiger’, when I finally found out the restaurant, which from its looks from the outside, and the smells from the inside, qualified as an eatable restaurant as far as my index of eatability was concerned, although, the looks of the inside and the smell of the outside, did indeed try its level best, to disqualify this specific food birthplace and deathplace, unless we are talking about home deliveries, off my standard list of appreciable restaurant which I have recently talked about, and had left me, for at least a few precious seconds, second guessing, whether to enter into this heavenly hell, or not? But ultimately, I had said yes. To myself. And I placed myself at a table for five only to be politely guided by the manager to a lonely table of two. Soon, I placed an order. A long time afterwards, I was still waiting for my fresh chicken kebabs to arrive. In those moments of relentless appetite and objectionable thoughts, when a neighboring table got served, I was forced into debating whether it was the chicken that was fresh or the kebabs made from it were, only to keep my mind off the chicken kebab. Soon, my deepest desires erupted and I called up a random guy who was serving random food on randomly selected tables. Upon enquiry, he disclosed that the chicken stock was over, hence the chef was attempting to acquire chickens now, which, according to him was resulting in the delay. Acquiring chickens seemed to be a state of the art technology to me. I continued my silent ponderings. Soon, I suffered another outburst. This time, the manager told me that not just this restaurant but also the entire neighbourhood is chickenless. I objected. He overruled. I gave up, and started to daydream again. Soon, the chef himself arrived. I raised my fork high up and threatened him to give me a chicken, for if he did not, I shall plant this weapon of mine carpus in the tender bosom of his, letting blood flow uninterrupted unless every single drop of blood was lost, bottled and sold as red wine. He mournfully told me that the eggs too were over. I didn’t care. I ordered chicken, I wanted chicken. He explained that since the chickens were nearly extinct from the neighborhood, the only hope to eat chicken was by growing one out of an egg. Not that I hated the plan, but in my busy life, time was a big factor. But, as he said, the eggs were over. That’s where the fish comes in, said he. I asked him to explain. He said that fishes or the pisces eventually gave rise to amphibia, which evolved into reptilia and ultimately aves. So, if he waited long enough, he might evolve a chicken out for me. I was impressed. But he didn’t deserve admiration. He said, the fish stock too, was over. I was angry now. I demanded a solution. He smiled imperceptibly and pointed towards a prawn. I felt dead. He explained, yet again, those crustaceans which are mandibulates and hence arthropods, can give rise to molluscs, then to echinodermata, but that won’t help so we will wait for hemichordates to evolve and then via protochordates like urochordates and cephalochordates, we would arrive at craniates like cyclostomes and eventually develop pisces from where obtaining a Gallus gallus domesticus would be child’s play. I wasn’t listening as I threatened that if the restaurant did not serve me within five minutes, I would perform retrogressive evolution upon the chef and convert him back to a reptile and ultimately to a chicken via some pterodactyl like intermediate. This worked. They brought me chicken kebabs within one minute. I asked, whether evolution had sped up? To this they negated and replied that this was just a chicken kebab. To eat a fresh chicken kebab, as I had ordered, waiting for fresh chicken is mandatory and as I gathered from their explanation, a fresh chicken is one, which has recently evolved into a chicken and its last ancestor was one from another species.

Ever since, I have never ordered fresh chicken.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

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Pizza from Giza

5 April 2018

And the flight landed now,
All passengers said wow,
As they felt the cool breeze,
Before tumbling upon cheese.
Cheese was spread upon the bread,
That connected like a thread,
The flavours all savoury,
Relieving everyone’s worry.
Took a bite before they stepped,
In their mind an image shaped,
Of a topping cooked golden,
On the cheese that was molten.
Soon they knew who was boss,
When they smelled the spicy sauce,
All other tastes subsided,
And memories were made.
This is why we all travel,
From lands of snow to that of gravel,
Just to eat the native food,
Which is always best and not just good.
But suddenly one guy screamed,
Their euphoria dimmed,
They realised that a cheese pizza,
Was the best in the town of Giza.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

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Top 10 Highest Paying Jobs

4 April 2018

We will count down from the bottom to the top of the list as we go from top to the bottom of the page.

We have ranked the jobs on the basis of, how much time it takes for a person of that job to earn a Billion Dollars, which BTW, is less than the pocket money of every Antarctic College Kid.

10. Dreamer Blogger: (10 months) A blogger is someone who blogs. A dreamer is someone who dreams. A dreamer blogger is some freak, who blogs not about his dreams, but while he dreams!

9. Google Searcher: (9 months 14 days) A google searcher searches about Google on Google from different browsers and countries and documents whether any other search result surpasses Google’s rank in the Google search list.

8. Turnover [pronounced as Turn-offer]: (7 Months) We often forget to turn off several things like the lights and fans of our living room when we go out. It is the job of turnovers to sneak into your house with minimal interference and turn off those things. They are also known for closing the tabs of adult websites from our browsers, when we are far away but children are near.

7. New Yorker: (4 months) The job is self descriptive. Live in New York and earn.

6. Hermione Granger: (6 weeks) Wizards and Witches often do the Wingardium Leviosa spell incorrectly. It is the task of Grangers to say, “It’s not LeviOsa, it’s LevioSA!”

5. Screw Driver: (10 days) Billions and Trillions of screws are made everyday. But they should be shipped to the assembly line for their usage. The Screw Drivers drive the screws to their destination. They earn 0.001 dollars for each screw and hence they accumulate a Billion dollars for every Trillion screws. But they are still unhappy, as they are waiting for the first line of this paragraph to read, “Billions of Trillions of…”.

4. Temperature [also called Temperator]: (3 days) Their job is to check the Global warming and convince people of climate change. It is clearly one of the most strenuous jobs in the list.

3. Counter: (43 hours) Their job is to count numbers from their birth to their death, to check whether they can count till infinity. They are earning some serious money despite failing to reach infinity in every lifetime. They get 500 dollars for every thousand numbers. So, in 43 hours they count upto about 2 Million and earn a Billion bucks or a Million Grands.

2. Blushing Flusher: (5 minutes to 2 hours) Weirdest job on the list. Their objective is to defecate in every public washroom only for the purpose of flushing and informing the government about the experience and whether it made them blush with embarrassment. They, BTW, have to spend a lot of money and time, which is again, money, after restaurant bills for continuous uninterrupted bowel movement.

1. Editor in Chief of Antarctica Daily: (1 second) Yep, I am rich. Technically. However, the sad part is that despite earning on paper, the important rectangular papers, also called notes or bills, are never really transferred to my bank account. And that really depresses me and makes me wanna do things I never ever would have otherwise dreamt of doing. Like trying out another job on this list. But, then again, I am the only Editor in Chief of Antarctica Daily and I am proud!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Editor in Chief

Antarctica Daily

(The Featured image is taken from HERE)

I Touched Something Weird

3 April 2018

I was sitting on the grass,
Till around me it was dark,
Suddenly my friend made a fuss,
Pointing at the park.
Not just my friend, dogs were too,
Fiercely started to bark,
And below the sky that was dark blue,
Clouds started to lurk.

At this moment I started to care,
For I thought it was a storm,
I had to run but my feet were bare,
Unlike the social norm.
I had left my shoes back at my room,
After smashing a red worm,
Making loudly a scary boom,
On the floor of our own dorm.

My friend came back fast along with me,
And right there on our wooden stool,
A whitish dense fluid it must be,
Was seen and looked like drool.
Looked dirty which as soon as I cleared,
Pasted fingers to my napkin’s wool,
I knew I had touched something weird,
That was a prank for April Fool.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Editor in Chief

Antarctica Daily