Catinho starts Yoga Classes

16 January 2018

After a brilliant free kick, a footballer might ask for a pay raise, but instead, Catinho asked for an empty garage. On asked why, he responded, “Meow meow meooow Mewmew meowww“, which translates to “I wanna start a yoga class!”

We sent few of our reporters to learn yoga from the feline, and when they came back, they were so flexible, that Antarctic Government used them as rubber bands to hold together the Antarctic Dollars, they were so strong, that Antarctic Space Society (ASS) used them as the new space ship exterior and they were so calm and stress free that they did not even swear a single curse while they were made to do the aforementioned things!

As a result, trillions of people from our galaxy started taking yoga lessons from Catinho, and our estimates suggest that by the end of this solar year, every human being, animal, plant, bacteria, virus, alien and martian will be at their pinnacle of fitness!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Come back tomorrow for another Humorous Post!
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Voldemort lures Joker to the Dark Side

9 January 2018

Harry Potter is alive. Batman is also alive. Both Joker and Voldemort have failed.

But Joker had already told batman, “I don’t wanna kill you! What would i do without you?…” and being a man of principles as he is, he is now appreciating the heavy weight of his statement. Neither can he defame batman, because batman always finds newer ways to defame himself worse than Joker can ever do, nor can he kill him now! That’s why with the littlest of the motivations he did not hesitate to join Voldemort’s Dark army of Death Eaters and instead kill Harry Potter and let Voldemort deal with Batman.

But after moving over to the ‘Dark Side United‘ with a hefty winter transfer fee paid to his ex-team, which is a team simply made up to drain Voldemort of resources and hence lower his ego, he found that Batman and Harry Potter had already teamed up and allured Voldemort himself, towards their team!

Hence next Wednesday, in an El Classico, The Dark Side United will face the GotWarts HogHam United in their first ever encounter! Rumors say that, Wonder Woman will be the referee!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

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A National Daily, A Football team REVOLUTIONizes Maths and Science

30 February, 0112: Let’s clarify the heading first:-

  1. A National Daily: Let’s just tell you that the Newspaper Head Office is at South Pole. And you can read the newspaper anytime for free by CLICKING HERE.
  2. A Football team: The football team we are talking about is REVOLUTION. They make awesome skill videos and are growing in popularity at the speed of light.
  3. The capitalization of REVOLUTION in revolutionizes: In case you still didn’t understand why, you were not paying attention and hence you should consider re-reading the article from beginning.
  4. How did they Revolutionize MATH and SCIENCE? Well this is the real question and we will explain in some detail.

It all started when Antarctica Daily and REVOLUTION agreed on a collaboration and created a puzzle to celebrate an important milestone for the popular football team. A science agency whose name cannot be disclosed then and then borrowed the idea and requested us to modify the puzzle to something of which the following picture is an example:

ULTIMATE

To understand what it means, you need intermediate arithmetic skills and also a scientific temperament along with a much needed SENSE OF HUMOUR, which is a prerequisite for Antarctica Daily readers. We are extremely happy to have helped the football team and also the potentially anonymous Science Agency and will look to collaborate with other people in future.

Our sister concern Pun Wit MeMe will put this image up on their wall as well. In case you like it you can legally download it from there.

IF YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT THE IMAGE MEANS, LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS.

FOR ANY MORE QUERIES, visit THIS WEBSITE.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Pun Wit MeMe

Ronaldo requested to star in FINAL DESTINATION after his ‘Winning Penalty’ Vision

30 February,0107: Real Madrid are unstoppable. They have won 11 Champions League finals and surely deserve the title of ‘The Best in Europe.’ They have defeated Atletico Madrid 3 times in a row in consecutive seasons and proven to be too good for their city rivals.

In the final match, both teams played exceptionally well. Especially the passing of balls, both among the same team players and in between the different teams have been exceptional. Atletico Forward Antoine Griezmann missed an unfortunate penalty but the young Carrasco managed to level with Ramos’ goal in the second half. But the match was so entertaining that the players themselves refused to end it and played till the last millisecond of 120 minutes of extra time.

In the penalties however, Pressure took the better of Juanfran and he missed a penalty. Then Ronaldo stepped up and this is where the story begins. He scored a beautiful goal and Real Madrid won the cup.

But the underlying mystery remained hidden until the post-match interview. Ronaldo, said that he had a vision of scoring the winning penalty and told his manager Zidan that he will take the last penalty.

Film-makers were waiting for this opportunity (as they told us, but how did THEY have been waiting? Did they too get a vision?). As soon as the match ended they  started running after the Ronaldo who is probably, the best footballer in the world. But Ronaldo directly denied the request.

After the denial, the film-makers have been reportedly been chasing the Defender who had played in that final, and had mesmerised the world with his innovative ACTING.

Manager sacks Club Owner and sells them in Transfer Window

30 February, 0106: An unlikely happening happened last month while the Transfer Window was open for Mancheater United. The club manager or the head coach, Jose More-Eno (who always sufers from digestive problems) was angered by the refusal to spend funds for the welfare of the team by the club owner, the Glacier family and as a result the “Raid Evil” Manager sacked the Owners instead of the other way around. In terms of a layman, More-Eno sacked his Boss.

Manchester_United_FC_crest.svg.png
The Worst Logo of the Universe winner (3 times)

Players have displayed mixed emotions. Striker When Ruining broke down crying where as youngster Antonic Marshmallow declared that it was the most brave act he has ever seen in his long life of 20 years. Another youngster Mount Rushmore said that when he grows up, his aim would be to be a substitute player and then sack the owner, which would be the bravest act possible, according to him. Meanwhile midfielder Bustation Liontiger tattooed his eyelids, with the name of their ex-owner. Another Midfielder, Join Mota did 8 back flips and sent a friend request to Shellsea boss Greek AbramoRich on Fleshbook in an attempt to return to his old club, picturing his future. Most Notably Goal Keeper, Dravid de Goa said, “The future of our team is now independent of the past” which raised several  question involving Grandfather’s paradox, Entropy, already overthrown Laplacian determinism and Thermodynamic arrow of time.

As a replacement the Manager has been spotted talking to Bill Windows(who is famous for developing the OS Gates) about taking over the ownership of the club. One can tell that a never desiccating fund was the motive behind the rendezvous.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Editor-in-chief

Antarctica Daily

 

Indian footballer suffers SUN stroke at NIGHT

30 February,0087: Nature shows no mercy. Every second, the sword of death lies hanging above our head tied with a fragile string, waiting to be cut by our misdeeds and thereafter, end our lives. Nature has become so relentless, that nowadays people are suffering from Sun strokes even at night.

The Lunatic touch to Cosmic Madness

Whether it was a lunatic lunar trick or a social solar message, no one could decipher, but we were surely sure that mother nature was angry with us. From environment friendly speeches at LOSScars to green movements in Greenland, our humane humanity has tried to glorify nature and reward the ever-rewarding gifts with rewarding rewards. But our gifts have fallen short of the return-gifts which we have stolen from nature’s home. We have become greedy instead of green.

As experts have analysed the case, they have denied to deny the growing suspicion on moon to have deliberately given a solar lunar stroke to the innocent footballer (who has done nothing but break a few legs(which didn’t belong to him) and fracture a few ankles(which were not his either) in his short life of 31 years 13 months 36 days 76 hours 23 minutes and π seconds and also 9.83787987287398127897318978932787327897328971389701897813871901982 milliseconds.) and has thereby, devised a powerful method to attain attention in the present era of ignorance.

We believe, in future, no other human beings, chickens, aliens or cats should suffer the same fate and should live their life to its fullest.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
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Lionel Messi hires Mathematician to keep track of his Trophy Cabinet

30 February 0082: Winning a Ballon D’Or is tough, winning it five times is tougher, keeping track of how many you won is simple very difficult or rather herculean.

image

Lionel Messi, arguably the best footballer in the world,  appointed a Cambridge Mathematics Lecturer to keep track of how many trophies he had won. In an interview Messi said,”I used my memory before, but it proved to be fruitless, I started using graph sheets, then spreadsheets but my trophy cabinet expanded faster than the Universe expanded. So I appointed Sir Prof Dr Factorial to keep a track of my trophies.”
Sir Prof Dr Factorial has already drawn following inferences to Messi’s crisis of goal crisis:-
1) Messi’s trophy winning function wrt time is a fifth order polynomial.
2) If Messi’s keeps on playing for 8 years, 352days and 21 hours 37 minutes 17.976 seconds he will own more trophies than humans on Earth.
3) Very soon he will own more gold that the entire human population combined in the form of trophies and medals.
4) Lastly, a little philosophically he added that if a poor boy can shock the world like Messi did, anything is possible. He even added mathematical evidences to his last statement, by stating that the probability of success if  Messi is your idol is about 0.9798899937375256… or almost 1! or 1 !

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com