SARCASM is the Latest Sport


30 February, 0129: Professor Snape has already declared that in the upcoming Triwizard tournament, the contestants will have to contest in a sarcasm competition to win this years bumper prize of uPhone 7, which is so costly that even wizards can’t afford it and have to win tournaments to get hold of one!

Not just in the world of Wizards, but even muggles have announced that from 2020 Sarcasm will be played off as a sport in the Olympics. In case, this new game intrigues you, know that you are in the right place, just continue to read the article:

  • This game has humble beginnings, in the households of poor farmers tormented by landlords.
  • This game got popularised with the help of some terrible governments and their horrified public.
  • Only people with IQ higher than 150 are allowed to play this game.
  • It is almost like a rap battle, only that you will not have to rap and it is not a battle!
  • To win this game, the players must insult each other using just words which are SFW enough to be heard by a 1 second old infant but intelligent enough to not be understood by the man with IQ of 149.99! (That was not the factorial sign!) (Neither was this!) (Or this.)
  • If you use even a single a pun in the competition you will be disqualified. Be strictly sarcastic.


The SAD (Sarcasm Authority Department) has already published reports proving that this game can help one deal with the situations of contemporary times #Like_A_Boss ! Also this game could be more effective in controlling seemingly uncharacteristically non-hyper verbal natures of some politicians on ascending the throne and quite characteristically hyperverbal buccal cavities of celebrities and TV stars and normalize the bureaucratic capitalism of unequal distribution of speech!

Reported by, Ankit JHaHaHaHa*

Profile:

  • known galaxy wide for his Punny Sarcasms.
  • Owns a motorcycle, which has a steering wheel.
  • He is immuned to every disease. Mosquito suffers from Dengue after biting him.
  • Spends 25 hours in Gym per Day!

*Edited by,

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website

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Suicide bomber sentenced to life imprisonment posthumously after he commits suicide before detonating the bomb


 

30 February,0057: Hollywood movies have always fascinated us with sudden twists of plot and hyper intelligent terrorists fabricating extremely complicated plans. One such strangely knitted plan and the even more weird action taken by the government unfolded down here in the icy continent of Antarctica. Penguin Bear, the world famous terrorist decided to take the last venture of his life and devastate the Antarctic Continent. As the reports suggest, Mr Penguin tied 86 kg of hyper explosive radioactive hazardous material with his body and jumped from the top of the South Pole tower (896m). However he landed on a trampoline and the sudden bounce resulted in an internal haemorrhage and he died. But the bomb wasn’t detonated and he flew high up in the sky, where he struck with an artificial satellite and the bomb blasted resulting in meteor shower all over the South pole. On landing on the ground at seventeen different places his body was assembled and presented in court for trial. The judge punished him with life imprisonment.
The true mystery is that the following questions have remain unanswered:-
1) If he had already died how could he be penalised with life imprisonment?
2) If he is indeed given life imprisonment, then it would mean that he has to be brought back to life, which is an extreme risk. That way shouldn’t the judiciary be doing more harm than benefit?
3) If his bombs didn’t detonate on Earth, and casualties are zero is he a bomber?
4) If he died before the detonation but his voluntary act didn’t detonate the bomb, is he a suicide bomber?
5) How could anyone receive a life imprisonment sentence posthumously?

This questions might be answered never,
but we are one terrorist less on this Earth forever!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com