Little Drops of Liquor, Make a Mighty Liver

4 May 2018

We all drink. Let it be water, liquor or elixir. Water dilutes fluids and concentrates concentration. Elixir is useful for clash of clans armies. Liquor results in a mighty liver.

A mighty liver is pronounced with might and some accompanied fright. For a mighty liver is one that is suffering from cirrhosis. Drinking alcohol can worsen your health and reduce your wealth. Hence if you ever get an advice, not to drink alcohol, you should try to be wise and carefully make your call. Because drinking it always, makes you addicted, scientific research says, giving it up leaves your emotions conflicted.

Remember, a big liver is a big responsibility. Do you really want to take that? Choose wisely, live well.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

 

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Mosquito Magnets replace Repellents

23 April 2018

Mosquitoes and our toes are still a better love story than, never mind. Everytime you look down, provided you are standing upright, you will find a mosquito on your foot. They are always present. Even when we repel them, they come back. Hence, astronomers have finally come up with a new solution. They have created a mosquito magnet! Why the astronomers got involved in such an endeavour is unknown, but what we do know is that this Mosquito Magnet is basically a Mosquito Repellant which, like others, is so bad at its job, that it attracts other mosquitoes to enjoy the cozy interiors of your room. In fact, the actual plan is to attract every single mosquito in the locality, lock them in your room and get the hell out of there to enjoy the mosquito free neighborhood. This way you will not only get to interact with nature, but also will be able to do so without a single blood suck from a mosquito.

This new news encourages us to embrace our failures and convert them into successes!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

How to cook in your Stomach?

22 April 2018

We are busy. We are so busy that it is now easy to forget to eat and end up with a zero figure. A man named Aman from India, once spent 6 months without eating because he was too busy completing his assignments for the semester. To avoid such disasters, scientists have listed out methods that can be used to cook the food spontaneously in our stomach when we eat it. The steps to do it are as follows: (Be careful, you should not attempt to do any of these if you are a human being. These methods have been tested on Aliens and only the beta versions are available for humans which might have bugs.)

  • If you like cakes and pastries then install a software called CookAnywhere in your spinal cord. This will help you to transfer the food you eat to an oven server, cook it and return back the cooked food for you to digest.
  • Eating the ingredients separately is another way to reduce time consumption for food consumption. Throw in all the ingredients into your mouth as all of them are destined to enter and exit the same pathway and their order, as a nihilist might agree, is unimportant.
  • Use the vibration mode of your smartphones. After eating the raw ingredients, use the mobile phones to vibrate your abdomen and as a result, cook the food using the energy from the vibration.
  • Eat a few teeth to chew better in your stomach. You can digest improperly cooked items easily if you do this.
  • Build a modular kitchen in your stomach. That way you can hire a chef who will prepare awesome food right in your stomach. Allow the air from the chimney to exit through your nasopharynx, so as to enjoy the smell while the food gets cooked.

As we have said before, all these methods are still accompanied with a serious life risk for the owner of the stomach. Please do not act on impulse and adopt the aforementioned strategies without discussing the outcomes with a doctor.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Staring into Ovens can grill your Head

16 April 2018

We can stare at other people and end up being called a freak. We can stare at the greenery of forests and trees and end up being called a nature lover. We can do the same to ovens, but we better not, for if we do, it might grill our head.

A young woman named, well, she told us not to disclose it before embarking upon her skyward journey, had just placed her cake inside the oven, to bake it and then eat it. But she was so hungry that she could not resist herself from staring deep into the oven.  How gracefully, did the cake batter containing container swirl and twirl and whirl inside the oven. How awesome was the emerging aroma. How magnificent was the golden tinge. How ignorant had she been. How could she not realise that her head was getting grilled. How horrible was her last few hours in the ICU. The answers to these questions, we may never know. But what we do know is that we should never stare into ovens. For ovens are one evil of a creation, by a devil named man, who for his selfish needs, found out ways to grill food and bake cakes, by methods which even the shadiest of the criminals fear to pronounce, by means which makes the nature blush with blood of fury, for reasons of the mere fulfilment of appetite, which when at the stake, he is ready to take lives and return in its place, sucked upon seeds and chewed upon bones. Hunger has compelled man to be hungry, It is the hunger that is taking the lives now. The ball is in our court now, for its plural has  been kicked by the ovens. We are helpless. We are afraid. How will we, innocent children of God, save us from this new endeavour of death to add us to his collection?

Please Share This. This might save lives! Human lives!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Top 10 Weirdest Diseases a Blogger might Suffer from

15 April 2018

Today is a sad day for the bloggers community. Scientists from around the globe have confirmed the possibility of suffering from each of the following diseases, provided you blog regularly! Vloggers however, are not to be included, since, they have classified under different taxon by the Committee of Underemployed Rational Scientists and Entrepreneurs (CURSE). The 10 weird diseases are as follows:

  1. Neobloggism: The irresistible urge to start a new blog despite having a successful blog at present.
  2. Hypofollowiphobia: The fear of having less number of followers on your blog.
  3. Bulla Shittus: The tendency to write useless made up stuff in your blog, only for the purpose of flaunting your literary skills.
  4. Neglecta Syndrome: The unconquerable craving to neglect your daily life and blog when you are not blogging and to dream of living your life, when you finally start blogging.
  5. Blogger’s Tetrad: The hysteric will to promote about your blog on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Whatsapp.
  6. Congenital Tagisia: The loss of decision-making capabilities while choosing the tags for your latest blog post.
  7. Acute Publishit Disorder: The unavoidable voices inside your head that ask you to revise your post once more before publishing it.
  8. Hypercustomania: The maniac customizations of your blog theme, without which your blog would have looked just fine.
  9. WordPressbiopia: The bias towards publishing on WordPress rather than other blogging websites like Blogger.
  10. Pseudoantarcticitis: The inability to decide whether to believe the articles published on Antarctica Daily or not.

Please Share This. It might save a life!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Apple Fanboy in coma after using Android

12 April 2018

Shock can come in many ways. It can come in an unknown way, in a scary way, in a well documented way, but the worst shock usually comes in a shocking way. It is this kind of shock that can send you into a coma and shock your family members and send them into a coma which can shock theirs and the chain reaction continues. Luckily, in our topic of discussion, only one boy had ended up in coma. That boy was a fanboy. An Apple fanboy.

We cannot blame him. He was innocent. He had never seen a home screen distinguished from the app screen. He had never imagined that he could selectively add shortcuts to his home screen and change layouts and add widgets and customize them to an extent that calling him the King of the world will probably not be an overstatement. He knew not, what custom launchers could do. He had never seen a store so full of apps and prices so cheap, all with its reviews and ratings. He had never seen so big a screen. He had never let Google Assistant do so many of his tasks which Siri would have professionally messed up. He was in a dilemma. Whether to give up his status of being an Apple fanboy or go back to his iPhone X.

With hormones raging, he finally made the decision. He belonged to the ecosystem of Google. It was in his veins. It was his destiny. With fear and anticipation, he finally dumped his iPhone X and moved on with his life.

But life is not easy. He could not AirDrop anymore. He missed the control center. He missed Siri’s voice, not that it was very different from Google’s, but still. He started to panic. Soon, he took his first dose of a prescription drug. That was the point of no return. One day, he was found collapsed on his arm-chair with the Android device beeping out notifications loudly in his breast pocket. Ever since he has been in the ICU and has been only responding to Siri’s voice.

With the example of this story, we want to highlight the fact that no matter whether you use Android devices or Apple’s latest phone, you are lucky. For there exists weird people in this world, who take their smartphones so seriously that they never hesitate to mess up with their life due to trivial reasons. Also, we want to boldly state that Android and iOS are both good, but none of them would ever beat the swag of the invincible old Nokia 3310.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

A Technical Thursday post

Blood Floods Clown Town

11 April 2018

A massacre took place. A man with a machine gun, killed a hundred innocent inhabitants of clown town with a knife. Why he did not use the machine gun is not not known, however. As a result, blood flooded the streets of clown town, which is located to the North of Frown Town.

After killing those people, the killer found out that those were not people in the first place. They were instead watermelons disguised as people. Instantly, he came up with the idea of running an errand and earning some money. He sold those cut pieces of watermelon for five bucks and earned quite a fortune.

He used this money to hire investigators so as to find out if blood was not shed, what exactly did flood the town. To this the investigators turned red and blushed before admitting that it was  out of their ability to solve such a mystery.

Hence, the killer hired Sherlock Holmes. Holmes arrived and within a second said, “It’s elementary my dear Watson”, which is weird because Watson was nowhere near, and then swiftly pointed to the sunglass the killer was wearing, which allowed only red colour to pass through.

The killer instantly understood the mystery behind the red colour, but he still did not know what the fluid was which appeared red. But before he could ask that, he sneezed and the machine gun fired twenty round of bullets into his own abdomen and he instantly flooded the street himself. This time, the flood was red even without the sunglass.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

A Weird Wednesday Post