30 February, 0152: Very often in our rich history, have we discovered inventions and invented discoveries so intriguing that it has changed the whole history ever since, which if you think carefully, has in fact, changed the future of thence, as history could not be changed, unless you have a time machine or get hold of a few tachyons. But what happened last week will surely be remembered by the posterity as the marvel of the millenia.
Right when we were starting to state than polythene will be the reason of extinction of human beings, some wise man from somewhere, did something so amazing that it is not yet entirely known what exactly he did, but sources say that he has devised a new type of material called Polythick, which as it sounds is a partial homophonic antonym of Polythene. Let us educate ourselves with the amazing properties of this ‘all new material’:
It is not non-biodegradable like polythene, neither is it biodegradable. It is instead, Hyperbiodegradable, which means it degrades as soon as you synthesize it and degrades everything else around it, be it metals or wood simultaneously. It is believed to be THE thing that will help us out with waste management.
It is ductile, malleable, sonorous with high tensile strength and at the same time it is brittle, prone to corrosion, biosynthetic and responsive to touch.
It can change colour depending upon the political situation. Presently it is red in US and Orange in India, though reverse is also not impossible.
It has anti-gravity properties, book made up of this can be difficult to put down.
It can suddenly vanish and then reappear at a different place, in fact, Joking Growling has confirmed that this was used by Death to make the younger brothers’ invisibility cloak.
Its cost can vary humongously, one second it could be a dollar for a ton, the next minute it might be Graham’s Number of Pounds for a microgram.
It can be used to make bullets as well as clothes, but you should consider the 5th point above before buying such a dress.
30 February, 0125:How much can a dollar fetch? Whatever the answer is, just know in the back of your mind that CHOCOLATE fetches more! One box of Ferrero Rocher can give you an Aston Martin. One Cadbury Gem is enough for a World Trip. No Currency Conversions, No Debts and No Inflation. This is the magic ofCHOCONOMICS.
Adam Smith was found crying in his paradise apartment, last Monday when all the countries of the world including Antarctica, officially adopted Chocolate as their Currency. Although the news itself is enough to get you hungry, we have Chocomulated a few Reasons on Why you should Eat, Make and NOT SHARE Chocolate:
With a currency as valuable as Chocolate, no one will be poor as long as they own even a cube of chocolate.
Hunger would cease to be a problem as Currency itself would be edible.
You can generate Money at home with homemade chocolate coins like :
This also means that illegal Chocomoney dealers could trespass Metal Detectors in Airports with Chocolate in their stomach (provided they don’t digest it).
Instead of purses we will carry refrigerators for the best quality preservation of chocolates.
Like Gold, 24 Carat Chocolates will be preservative free, but for all practical purposes a minimum of Preservative might be added to make it a 22 Carat Chocolate.
Eradication of Insects and pests will be of utmost necessity as they will affect currency severely if they eat up even a milligram. But Scientists have already invented chocolates which when eaten by insects converts their faeces into chocolate chips.
Very soon IMF will be replaced by ICF (International Chocolate Fund) and banks will start issuing Chocoloans.
Dentists will experience a boom in the number of patients.
Reported by, Sarbottama Chocolatobarty
Credited with discovery of chocolate 500 years ago while playing chess in Antarctica.
Responsible for Willy Wonka’s decaying teeth
Has private connections with oompha loomphas
Net Worth : 30 Ferrero Rocher boxes, 50 Bourneville bars and 70 Toblerones
30 February, 0112: Let’s clarify the heading first:-
A National Daily: Let’s just tell you that the Newspaper Head Office is at South Pole. And you can read the newspaper anytime for free by CLICKING HERE.
A Football team: The football team we are talking about is REVOLUTION. They make awesome skill videos and are growing in popularity at the speed of light.
The capitalization of REVOLUTION in revolutionizes: In case you still didn’t understand why, you were not paying attention and hence you should consider re-reading the article from beginning.
How did they Revolutionize MATH and SCIENCE? Well this is the real question and we will explain in some detail.
It all started when Antarctica Daily and REVOLUTION agreed on a collaboration and created a puzzle to celebrate an important milestone for the popular football team. A science agency whose name cannot be disclosed then and then borrowed the idea and requested us to modify the puzzle to something of which the following picture is an example:
To understand what it means, you need intermediate arithmetic skills and also a scientific temperament along with a much needed SENSE OF HUMOUR, which is a prerequisite for Antarctica Daily readers. We are extremely happy to have helped the football team and also the potentially anonymous Science Agency and will look to collaborate with other people in future.
Our sister concern Pun Wit MeMe will put this image up on their wall as well. In case you like it you can legally download it from there.
IF YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT THE IMAGE MEANS, LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS.
30 February, 0111: Changes and Chances have two things in common. Firstly, the spelling is almost similar, and secondly, no one can predict when they are coming.
Suddenly , it was published last week by the Watch Makers Society that from now on every watch would be made with the months replacing the hour markings. Therefore most of our watches would look like this:
This measure has been taken based on the hypothesis that we do not appreciate the presence of TIME any more. Hence, let time be a thing of past and date be our present.
Most MNCs’ have already agreed on using months to refer to times rather than hours and minutes. We are not exactly sure, how on Earth will this Change help someone but we are optimistic that with the passage of time we will appreciate the absence of time and have more time for completing our works.
30 February,0101: A whole lot of speculation is already there surrounding the life of the Great Dinosaur Tyrannosaurus Rex. But it was beyond the imagination of even the fiction writers and prolific film directors that one day its heartbeat will be calculated.”We were and in fact still are in pretty much of a shock. Just like everyone we too associate the fact that the heart is beating with the fact that the animal is still alive. Although not much of flesh is left in the degraded fossil of the dino, a beating heart is enough to scare us of a resurrection.” said Australian Botanist Dr. Kang Roo.
On careful calculation the heart beat turned out to be about ’26i’ per minute, where i is the imaginary number. Mathematician Jerome Boka was the first one to theoretically predict on pen and paper the probable heartbeat and then measured it using a headphone (as a replacement for stethoscope). Although there has been no confirmation about the matter from the experts in medicine and anthropology, the mathematicians and, due to an unknown reason, Botanists seemed to have uncovered a tantalising potential hidden in the recently discovered fact.
As the theory goes the t-rex’s heartbeat is not exactly what we mean when we talk of a heartbeat. It was observed to be a simple harmonic motion of the degraded heart muscle tissue which was oscillating at a plane perpendicular to the median sagittal plane. Instead of using vector notation, in a moment of brilliance the Mathematician modelled the heart beat using complex numbers and found its time period to be another complex numbers which in turn yielded the heartbeat of 26i per minute.
Several questions have already arisen like,
How can a degraded muscle tissue in a fossil represent a heart?
If the heart is beating is the t-rex dead?
What does the fox say? (fox=anthropologist)
and most importantly,
4. What EXACTLY was a mathematician doing with T-Rex Fossil???
IF YOU CAN ANSWER ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, PLEASE DO IT HERE.
30 February,0092: Students worldwide are extremely eMOTIONal due to the fact that 3 more laws of Motion are to be added to their syllabus along with 3 preexisting laws of motion by Newton. Meanwhile, teachers have concluded that motion laws would be the primary factor retarding the students’ progress.
Upon several heated press conferences, the Physicists let the cat out of the bag and we were enlightened with the 3 new laws of motion.
Assuming that our readers have a fine idea of the first 3 laws, we are directly publishing the 3 new laws publicly. 4th LAW: Hennessey Venom GT has the highest top speed in Asphalt 8. 5th LAW: The Fastest is not always the best, it is often the most furious. 6th LAW: The velocity of your car is inversely proportional to the no. of friends in your car and directly proportional to the square of the distance from your home when the direction is away from your home.
30 February, 0065: Nature has been angered and here are the consequences. No more mango its just bitter gourd.
Last day a group of people from a Sri Lankan village cut the branches of a mango tree which was known to bear the sweetest mango ever and donated them to a group of scientist who offered to manipulate its genes and create more mango trees like that with the payment of a nominal fee. The mango tree clearly declared that cutting branches wasn’t a deal, but people didn’t care. Today morning just as everyone went to the tree to pluck a few fruits, they were socked to see that all the yellow, red mangoes have been replaced with green pale bitter gourds.
This news teaches us that, Greed is the end of all good.😰😥😰:(😱😨