18 February 2018
18 02 2018
Today’s date is a numerical palindrome. Had every digit in Roman Numerals been a symmetric figure, the left half would have been a mirror image of the right.
Talking about Mirrors, let us teach you how to walk through a mirror and meet your mirror self in the mirror world. It might seem difficult and impossible, or even unpossible if your grammar is bad, at first. However, after banging your head a few times against the mirror you might end up accomplishing it.
Your aim is to end up in mirror world. You can do that by jumping into the mirror, which is difficult, breaking the mirror, which is not recommended, albiet easier or you can climb above the mirror and jump on the other side.
If the mirror is attached to a wall, walk around the wall. If the region on the other side of the wall is your neighbour’s room then do knock before walking in.
After you have done that, remove the obstacle separating you from your initial position. That could be the mirror itself or the wall.
Now enjoy the view, remember, this is the same view your mirror self would have seen had it been standing, where you are now.
If you now hold another mirror in front of your face, you can see the angry faces of your neighbours waiting to kill you for demolishing the wall. If you want to escape, then run. If you don’t however, what’ll happen next will ensure you can relax in the bed for next 6 months, if not, then forever and if not not your bed, then surely in your grave, provided your neighbours don’t demolish that as a revenge!
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1 February 2018
Books are instruments that record, analyse, summarise, organise, debate and explain information; that are illustrated, non-illustrated, hardbound, paperback, jacketed, non-jacketed; with foreword, introduction, table of contents, index; that are indented for the enlightenment, understanding, enrichment, enhancement and education of the human brain through sensory route of vision. Sometimes Touch. And also Smell.*
To write a good book is a herculean task. But to write a book which is good is so easy that even an infant does it without a single noise. But writing a good book which is good, is what we will discuss today as it is neither difficult nor easy!
You can Read this Book from Amazon (click here), to readily appreciate the existence of good books which are good.
Now I will outline the points you need to keep in mind if you want to write a good book!
- Write with a legible handwriting: If you want your book to be handwritten then do not be a doctor while you write it. If you want it to be printed, however, we advice you to write like a doctor with Parkinson’s disease on a mechanical bull during an Earthquake and let your publisher deal with the nuisance.
- Choose a questionable topic: For Example, ‘This book is invisible‘, ‘You are illiterate’ and ‘I know what you will do next summer’. A book like that will immediately make the reader curious and the person will buy the book ASAP.
- Print in Mirror Image: Be the daVinci of twenty first century by printing in mirror image. Let the readers use a mirror to read every single word and then suddenly revrse the text again and savour the confusion among readers when they battle with the mirror image of the mirror image and enjoy the way they’ll use two mirrors to read the normal text.
- Assume that the reader knows everything: Since the reader knows everything, print an empty book and sell it as a notebook! Also claim that you have actually printed in permanently invisible ink!
- Insert hyperlinks in the Printed Version: Printing Click here, here and there, frequently and linking them to your other books gives the reader a feel of the modern internet while relishing the ancient practice of reading books.
- Spray Deo on your books: Many People buy books only to smell them, so give them something to talk about!
P.S. *This definition of book was given by Ranchhordas Shyamaldas Chhanchad aka Phungsuk Wangdu.
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- If you follow our twitter handler, sadness will unfollow you
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Taking a selfie is an art, as much, eating a pastry is dieting. Both way, you look fat, or at least, fatter than you think you should legitimately look. But in the second case, you don’t look ugly!
So here are ways in which you can take a better selfie:
- Rather than spending money on a complete-face-reconstruction-plastic-surgery, try to visit exotic locations. The figuratively breathtaking scenary in the background will compensate for the literally breathtaking face in the foreground.
- Try to apply filters, however, though they may boost your confidence for the photoshoot, they unfortunately do not work in real life!
- Try to crop your face out of the picture.
- Doodle on your face, so as to hide the skin.
- Break the front camera, so that you can take pictures only with your rear camera which has better resolution, not that it will help though.
- Try wearing make up, and if you are already wearing it, you should try removing it ASAP (Because, ‘why bear the weight of an unfruitful solution?’).
- Try to smile, without showing your teeth and what you had last night.
- Throw away the phone and blame it for making you look ugly.
- Wear a batman mask in all your selfies. The MASK, is an even better choice.
- Appreciate the fact, that looks don’t determine the quality of your character. What a perfectly clicked & beautiful selfie can do, a suddenly clicked & ugly selfie can do too, for they are both totally useless. Instead, turn your eyes towards the scenary in the background instead of showing it your back. (OPTIONAL: Now ask your friend to click a picture. This will look comparatively better than the selfie!)
Travelling in time was considered to be impossible, until world famous scientist Dr Meryl Lee proved to the world that it is not only possible but is also insanely easy.
Here is the summary of the simple technique:
- First set up a clock outside a room
- Note the time before going into the room
- Darken the room by switching off lights
- Close your eyes
- Take a magnet in your right hand
- Take a solenoid in your left hand
- Raise the arms in the air
- Shake vigorously
- Continue for 15 minutes
- Now throw away both the solenoid and magnet
- Run out of the room at a speed faster than 15kmph
- Open your eyes and note the time in the clock
- Compare the present time with the initial time (when you had walked in)
- If you had followed the steps correctly, you should be more than 15 minutes into future
- Before doing the experiment, realise that you cannot go back once you have travelled into future and hence, you might end up wasting 15 minutes of your life or atleast 2 minutes for reading this post.
30 February, 0147: Saving electricity is fundamental to ensure the sustained weight of your purse. So here is our earnest attempt to elongate the shelf life of your notes and bills. Follow what follows and your Net Worth will be appreciably given an unavoidable stimulus to increase the number of lagging zeroes behind the figure.
- Sleep in Fridge: Buying an AC is OK. Buying a fridge is OK. Paying the electricity bills for both SIMULTANEOUSLY is surely not OK. So for the sake of your status you can buy both, but for the sake of your bankruptcy status you should use either. Though placing the food items in an AC room is tempting, sleeping in a fridge is, by far, ADVENTUROUS.
- Convert your FAN into Generator: Simple. Your fan is run by a motor which is run by electricity. Use its mechanical rotational energy to turn an axle of a generator and feedback the electricity produced to the fan itself. Too bad, you cannot run the fan by the electricity it generates (blame the Second law of Thermodynamics for that) but you can surely cut down on the electricity consumption.
- Don’t Watch TV: Just don’t. Please.
- Steal the Sun: And you will have enough electricity for the next 5 Billion years. Just buy enough solar panels that will surround the entire solar surface area, or else you might just get a tan without even going to the beach.
- Attach a steam turbine proximal to Gluteus Maximus: Given the fact that children read our newspaper, we won’t elaborate on this one.
- Use your Anger: If you are angry on your boss or government, just use the amount of heat produced in the swearings and cursings in heating your food. Also anger is contagious, so stay ready with a bowl of food, for the first domino to topple. Make electrifying comments and use it to charge your mobile phone.
- Read Antarctica Daily: This way you’ll be able to read the post you are already reading and learn methods to save electricity.
- Buy Torpedos: These are chondrichthyes fishes which generate electricity and then you figure out a way to charge your laptop with these things.
- Work longer in your office: That way you will use less domestic electricity and pay less demanding bills.
- Migrate to a town with no electricity: This is clearly the best trick. Your electricity bill will plummet down to zero instantaneously!
These were voted to be the best methods by the scientists all over the Universe.
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