Ace your Interview in 5 Easy Steps


8 February 2018

We all have given at least one interview in our life, even if you haven’t, just pretend for the moment that you have! Although with the rise of entrepreneurship, the tradition of giving self interviews, that is when both the interviewer and interviewee is the same person, is becoming increasingly popular, acing an interview still remains as an essential skill for any person, whether dead or alive.

These 5 steps have proved to be the most successful in messing up the aced interview, I mean, acing up the messed interview!

  • Start by defining a random term. Even before you are asked your name, start speaking, as this establishes your dominance in the room. Defining a random term, we suggest the word ‘Abominable’, also adds an epithet to your resumé. And try to give the exact dictionary definition.
  • Arrive in an Ambulance. This will surely earn you the sympathy of the company, you are giving the interview for.
  • Add ‘Doesn’t it’, ‘Isn’t it’ and ‘Shouldn’t it’ after every sentence. For example, if you are asked your name, reply with, “My name is Chandler Bing, isn’t it?”
  • Ask more questions than answering the questions. The previous point can help you out with this. But, to make the most of the situation and make your effort count, you should start asking existential questions, for example, “Do you think this interview is also taking place in a parallel universe? If so, then are our seats interchanged?
  • If you can’t convince, confuse them and if you can’t do that either and get caught doing so, then run for your life. We won’t elaborate but just ensure that you know that, being convincingly confusing and never confusingly convincing, is the shortest path to success.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

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Adenine refuses to bond with Thymine after DNA riots


30 February, 0115: The entire world stood on one leg and had their eyes fixed on the ongoing debate between the Nitrogen bases that was being broadcasted on every television channel including the ones belonging to the music and kids genre. Not just human beings but also every other living being including all plants, fungi and protists and their uncle monerans with their maternal grandfather DNA viruses watched in an unsettling silence as the moderator of the debate, Mr. Sugar Phosphate did his moderation to keep the debate going with ever intensifying twists in the plot. Both Adenine and Thymine often changed their sides periodically going for and against the motion supported by the purines and pyrimidines alternatively.

dna

The RNA viruses like Influenza virus, HIV virus and others were meanwhile enjoying a cup of tea as Uracil was in pretty good terms with Adenine and Cytosine and Guanine were mild in their protest and agreed upon their mutual 3 Hydrogen bonds. However it was Adenine and Thymine who had been constantly arguing and threatening the other that if their demands were not met then they might completely stop forming nucleotides let alone form the polymer DNA! The DNA world was seethed with turmoil as mRNAs and the tRNAs synthesized proteins in the Pituitary to form the Thyroid Stimulating Hormone which compelled Thyroid gland to produce Thyroxine which worsened the debate by raising the basal metabolic rate high enough to cause denaturation of the Cell proteins in which the debate was taking place.

Ultimately, as Methionine reported, Adenine and Thymine may continue with their 2 Hydrogen bonds for the next 1 Billion years provided they were gifted with 1 ATP and 2 NADH2 molecules for every base pair formation. This could mean that all the living beings would have to increase their nutritional uptake and all the DNA molecules would lose some of their stability.

In a post-debate interview, Cysteine and Tyrosine said, “We would have no problem with translation, but it is the transcription and DNA replication that would be costlier from now on!”

At the end after a lot of interviews, Haemoglobin ultimately revealed the fact that Adenine and Thymine started bickering after they disagreed upon which was the Master gland Pituitary or Hypothalamus!!!

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Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Pun Wit MeMe