50 Grades of ‘A’


When the classes of the new session started, the Principal had specifically notified the class teachers, that this year, there would be no foolish pen wavings and silly gossips in the class. As such, she did not expect a lot of the students to appreciate the subtle science and exact art of education. But for those who possess, the predisposition, the teachers must know how to bewitch their personality and ensnare their minds. For example, the chemistry teacher must teach the students how to bottle nitric acid, brew standard solutions and even put a stopper at the end of a burette. But then again, maybe some of the students come to the school with abilities, so formidable that they don’t pay attention in the class! “Mr. Cutter, our new English teacher!” observes the principal, “Tell me, Mr. Cutter what do we get when we add a subject to a predicate?” she adds. “A sentence, Ma’am”, pipes out Mr. Cutter. “Incorrect! We get a clause, which if we do in winter, is called Santa clause! Pity! Clearly, three master’s degrees in English isn’t everything, is it Mr. Cutter?” The entire room of well qualified teachers stood motionless in pin drop silence. “I want 50 students from each class to get the Grade A”, commands the Principal. “But I have only 46 students in my class.”, reports Mrs. Crater, the math teacher. “Which part of 50 A Grades did you not understand, you old sack of numbers? Better start giving multiple grades to the same student, or else the school management might think that you are………..UP to something!” barked the principal. “Madam, what if we make easy question papers to ensure students get better marks? That way we wouldn’t have to work hard and neither the students will have to lose their sleep.” suggested Mr. Butter, the History Teacher. The Red Eyes of the Principal, reddened further with fury. “Tell me more Mr. BUTTER, are you incapable of restraining yourself, or do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all? The question papers will be harder than usual, so you better go to your allotted class and ask them to turn over to Page number three hundred and ninety four…!”
The teachers went sobbing to their classes, for they ‘knew not’ a method to improve the performance of their children. What they knew however, is that what they did not know will cost them their jobs! The students meanwhile, were busy in their world. Some were playing football with someone else’s tiffin box, some were holding the blades of the fans and hanging and as soon as someone was switching on the fan, they were being thrown away arbitrarily in the class. Few were doodling on the benches while others were throwing chalks on the pedestrians, form the window. As soon as the teacher entered, the students settled in their places quietly. Nope, just joking. They kept on minding their own businesses, until someone threw the chalk at the teacher and the teacher joined in to play with them. After about a few hours, the students realized that an adult was playing with them and the teacher recollected that he or she is an adult and hence should refrain himself/herself from destroying school property. Though they acted as if they really cared for the school, in reality they did not. Hence, instead of stopping the children, they brought new chalk boxes from the staff rom and motivated the students to go crazy! The students, once they had exhausted the valuable resource of chalks, started to throw hand grenades at each other, or at least they acted like they did. Now, the teachers left their classes and approached the principal. They reported that it was impossible to teach in a school, which is completely devoid of chalks.
The principal was surprised, because this morning itself she had seen eight new chalk boxes in the staff room. She smelled fish and alerted the police of a chalk burglary at the school. The police arrived few minutes later, minutes here being ‘police minutes’ which are equal to one normal human hour. They observed a mob of people looking skywards and cursing the one above for throwing chalks on their heads. The ones with the most glistening heads were the ones worst affected, because there was no hair to break the force of the precipitating chalks. The police immediately solved the mystery. They confidently went up to the principal and told her that all the chalks had been recovered. They also reported that someone from up above had thrown them down upon the pedestrians. After the police left, the principal called up the entire school in the assembly area and said that if they wish to see the sun rise again, then they must collect all the chalks they had thrown and submit them to her before the sun sets. The students looked at each other and then at their teachers and smiled an evil smile.
Right when the sun was a millimeter from setting, the school prefect went up to the principal’s room and requested her to come down to the assembly area and accept an apology from all the students. The principal, being selfsupremacist and fit, jumped two stairs at a time and found herself surrounded by a tier of students and teachers blended together in unity.
Then, it happened.
Before the principal could dodge, every student and every teacher bombarded her with chalk pieces. When they were almost done with throwing, the sports teacher arrived panting, holding up fresh chalk supplies from the school management. Hence, the bombardment continued. It went on for a few more hours, as every time they were exhausting the chalks, someone or the other was returning with fresh supplies. When the throwing mania ended, the principal was lying motionless under a heap of chalks. The students and the teachers dispersed.
Ever since the next day, the teachers were never forced to yield A grades from their classes and the students were never forced to obtain the A grade in their exams.
The reason for this however, was that, right from the next day the school management had introduced the A+ grade!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

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How Cockroaches exploit WiFi?


30 February,0105: Is your data running out faster than your usage rate? Are cockroaches annoying you by getting smarter? Both these questions are basically the same question in disguise.

“If the answer is YES to both these and if it means what I think it means then you are in trouble, Big trouble and if your data is running our as I speak, then I am not taking any chances, you are doing just what the cockroaches ordered.”

-said by President of the Internet Mr Sam Wan, after asking the two questions in a press conference.

Cockroaches are using up your mobile data or your WiFi data in an ingenious way. We have no idea how(mechanism) they are doing it, but we do know HOW(procedure)?!

  1. Using Social Media like Facebook and Google+, they are creating fake accounts and deliberately sharing content stating that Cockroaches are beneficial to human health.
  2. Using Amazon and other similar websites they are ordering millions of bottles of cockroach spray and and destroying them upon delivery.
  3. Using websites like Zomato they are finding restaurants in neighbourhood and are attacking the kitchen.Using TripAdvisor they are planning their trip to visit different locations.
  4. Using Twitter they are following which celebrity is susceptible to cockroach fear and are blackmailing them to speak for the cockroaches.
  5. Using Stackexchange and other Q/A based websites like Quora and Yahoo answers they are giving a cockroachish touch to every question and doubts. These actions are playing an important role for inducing Cockroach Obsessive Behaviour(COB) in children.
  6. Using Wikipedia and StumbleUpon they are Stumbling upon different webpages which are improving their knowledge. They are also taking online courses from Coursera and edX and attending Tedx lessons.
  7. Using YouTube they are sharing Cockroach-phillic videos.
  8. Using Wix, Tumblr, Weebly they are creating websites and buying domains to make cockroachy websites.
  9. Using Google Drive and other  cloud storage websites they are uploading cockroach eggs for later download and 3D printing in other PCs.
  10. Using the medium of malware, worms, viruses, trojans they are spreading the cockroach culture all over the world.
  11. They are also signing petitions, forming intra and inter specific, generic, family, order,class,phylum and kingdom groups to enforce Cockroach rule all over the world.

PUT SIMPLY THE COCKROACH APOCALYPSE IS INEVITABLE.

FOR ANY MORE QUERIES, visit THIS WEBPAGE.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.wix.com/punwitmeme