Last and also the Least

30 February, 0168: Mathematician David Gravid Proglottid has made a weird prediction. He has successfully, predicted how long the last human on the Earth will be alive for. And to his surprise, even though that person would be the last on the planet, and is expected to live for not the least amount of time, according the popular proverb, the person will indeed be living for the least amount of time!

He has been unsuccessful in predicting when such a time would come, or whether such a time would ever come or not? But he has been triumphant in calculating that the the last person would live for minus three years. This means that the person would die three years before he or she would really be born.

That has again sparked off controversies concerning whether or not the person will be considered as the last to live, if he dies even before he is born. To this, the mathematician and doomsday calculator Dr Doctor has defended David Gravid Proglottid by stating that, “We do not know that it is a he or a she. Hence even if he dies before he is born, she might not.” Although this has proved that Doctor himself has not understood the calculation properly, this has also instilled in the minds of fear about the destiny of their planet Earth.

Bottomline is however, that the last person will indeed live for the least amount of time.

Antarctica Daily

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Advertisements

WannaTry Virus plagues the World

30 February, 0167: So, tell me, do you WannaTry? This is the question that has preceded the worst form of disaster in the World for the last few weeks. Irrespective of whether the answer to the above mentioned question was yes or no, the victims had to try what was in their destiny. In the rest of the article, we will define the kind of things the people had to try.

Just like the WannaCry virus, this virus also spreads via networks. But unlike its predecessor, it spreads via real life human networks. This was first started off as a prank by a college student in West Virginia. When he and his friends were enjoying food in a Cafe, he suddenly screamed out ‘WannaTry?’ and dumped two litres of Coke inside the Coffee cup of his friend. She instantly revolted but instead of picking up a fight, she too shouted, ‘WannaTry?’ and dumped five chicken wings in the hottest sauce on the table and then into his milk shake. This trend spread off like Wildfire.

Now everybody in the world is suddenly shouting ‘WannaTry?’ and are dumping a food item into another in a combination, such that any sane person would never have the two of them together.

“The logic behind the prank is that, by asking ‘WannaTry?’ the prankster is actually asking the victim whether he or she wants to try something new!”, is what that Youngster from Virginia told us when we did this WannaTry prank to his entire family.

Nowadays, this prank has become so popular, that it was termed as a virus, for no known reasons.

Antarctica Daily

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

To Walk or To Talk?

30 February, 0166: The world is divided. No one knows the correct answer. Whether should we walk, or talk? Or both? Or none?

Some say, walk before you talk, others say talk before you walk. Some might say walk while you talk while others might say talk while you walk. Even though the last two opinions mean the same thing, the two group of people would still not agree with each other.

This has been a problem on the roads and traffic police has been particularly irritated because of this new dilemma. As a result, many have quoted Robert Lee Frost and have said that when taking a less chosen path, that is the road not taken, we should always walk and while going in the same path, aka the road always taken, we should talk, as loudly and judgementally as we can.

An international Committee for Walk or Talk has been formed with professional walkers and talkers from across the world. They have chosen a walkie talkie as their symbol! All of them are conducting experiments all the time, such as stability and safety of different permutation and combination of different styles of walking and talking. A popular consensus is yet to be reached in this matter.

Antarctica Daily

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

4 comes after 6

30 February, 0165: One, Two, Three, Five, Six, Four, Seven, Eight,….. This is how you should be counting the numbers from now on. MAD (Mathematical Academy of Directors) have confirmed that this way of counting numbers in not only helpful but is also important.

How it is important, is not yet known, but a few facts about its importance can be appreciated very easily. For example, this way we get to count the numbers five and six first. This is very important, for the objects or items in a spreadsheet with serial number five or six as they get dealt with first before four is being dealt with.

This has however, raised several concerns in the mathematical community. Number Seven has clearly stated that it is not friends with the number four and if it is compelled to be a neighbor for the rest of humanity then it will deliberately change its square to 64 and its cube to 512, both of which are private property of eight. In return Eight has claimed that it might leave the entire number system if its irritatingly lucky neighbor seven, encroaches its higher powers.

Because of all these issues the maths world has been getting filled with dirty politics since the last week. As of now, 4 still comes after 3, but very soon, it might come after 6!

Antarctica Daily

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

 

Amidst Pyramids in a Jeep from Egypt (Part 2)

This is a serial. Everyday a new part will be published. This is the second part.

Continued from here.

The main reason I could not believe what I saw, is because, I did not see quite a lot. All that I saw was a flash of light. A bang on the head. And then darkness.

When my eyes opened again, I observed that I was in a dark place. The smell was mysterious and the sound was that of suspense. The background music, whose source I could not fathom, was that of Godfather. I would have made some attempts to find out more about my immediate surroundings, but the restraining ropes which tied my hand and feet, prevented me from doing so. After a few moments of unsuccessful wriggling, I finally hit a metal glass with my left hand, which when complied to the relentless pull of gravity, and descended merrily upon the ground, made a sound, which when heard in a noisy room might get classified as insanely loud, and when heard in a room as quiet as the one I was in, would have demanded a description inclusive of a few mighty words which begin with ‘f’.

I heard someone rush towards me, stop for a second, unlock a door, enter with a dash and switch on the lights. I ‘re-saw’ that figure. That bandaged face. That thin to bone body. That pizza slice in the hand. Wait! The mummy was eating Pizza? Since when did these well preserved corpses of great souls start adopting habits from the other side of the Mediterranean?

With dripping cheese, in no wrong sense, and satisfied bites throught the bandages, the shady figure approached me. I should have shouted in fear, but hunger beats all other emotion. I instead drooled. Figuring out my intentions, the mummy stuffed in the remaining slice in quite a haste, chewed it viciously for a few seconds, lifted the fallen glass with the right hand, filled it with water from a modern aquaguard located at the side of the room, drank it peacefully and then wiped its bandages with the metacarpals and began to untie the loops yet again.

I prepared myself for a blow at the back of my head. What I got instead was a shock. Not a figurative one, but a literal one. My foot must have hit some bare wire. Nevertheless, I kept staring at the unwinding drapes. But the more the mummy untied, the more there was to untie. Half an hour later, I realised that there was no head left and also that, the bandage constituted everything from the neck up!

Quite an anticlimax. I won’t deny, I had better hopes. When someone denies you a pizza, you no longer feel any sense of fear or sympathy to that person, even if the guy turned out to be headless.

After stretching its arms, the mummy held out a mirror, which probably materialised from thin air. And I saw myself. This time there was no flash of light or bang on head, neither was there any anticlimax or literal shock. Because this time, I was scared by the sight. And I promise, you too would have been, had you been on the other side of this narrative.

To be continued. Next part will be available here.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Amidst Pyramids in a Jeep from Egypt (Part 1)

This is a serial. Everyday a new part will be published. This is the first part.

I had fallen asleep as soon as our jeep had crossed the creaky bridge across a sneaky river. I learnt afterwards that the scenery hence was miraculous, but I would have even traded gold for the breathtaking dream that I had in my sleep. It was breathtaking to such an extent that, had I been a medical student in my dream, as I am in real life, I would have diagnosed the condition to be asphyxiating.

Initially, I didn’t realise that I was dreaming. It must have been due to the fact that although I had started dreaming, my eyes were still open. This is a weird thing of mine. I fall asleep, but I forget to close my eyes. I won’t deny, this has been very beneficial to me in my school days. In the boring lectures, while others were contemplating murders and wondering when the ceiling fan would fall off and if it does then who would die first, I was merrily sleeping with my eyes open, with enough vivacious spirit to have the teacher congratulate me later for being the most attentive in the class!

Okay, now back to the dream. I was dreaming about a mummy. Not a motherly mummy, but more of an egyptian mummy. I saw that, actually I dreamt it, but from now on the dream is my reality, so whenever I use a verb, you should know, that it was actually in my dream. I saw that the driver who was driving the car, seemed to be a little lean and thin. I surely appreciate the property of thinness, which is why I love the Apple products so much, but the driver was thin to the bone. Literally! I could see no flesh. I acted as if I found his humerus to be humorous, only to conceal my fear. But this attempt of mine failed miserably as soon as he turned towards me. I saw no face, for there was none. Instead, there was, the bandaged head of a mummy. A mummy scary enough to make you wanna hide into the lap of your mommy.

I was speechless. Not exactly speechless, but more of a sensible-speechless. Since I was uttering all these weird sounds broadcasting how scared I was. Now the mummy stopped the car. Unwrapped the bandages. Thus, Revealing the face.

I couldn’t believe what I saw.

To be continued. Next part will be available here.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Poem: Shortest route to Prison

Throw up everything you had,
On the person next to you,
Shout out three words which are bad,
And scratch a car that’s new.

Now bump into random people,
Push them hard down onto the ground,
Claim that you had just swallowed a big beetle,
And curse loudly if they frowned.

Then dive into a clean pool,
With all your dirty clothes on,
Swim and wash the mud and dog’s stool,
And leave wearing clothes in which you were born.

You can throw a party on the main road,
Blocking all the traffic,
To aggravate you can break a billboard,
And instead display anything that’s graphic.

If these ideas look good to you,
Click here without asking for reason,
For this poem and the link you just clicked,
Will be your shortest route to Prison!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay