Confirmed: “MONEY undergoes MITOSIS”

30 February, 0136: No more worries! Scientists have found out the solution to every single problem that can ever boast itself to be problematic enough, to be a problematic problem. It is not everyday that we witness some scientist running right through the middle of the National Highways, shouting out EUREKA, completely unmindful of his invisible clothes which if were transparent, were obscene and if were opaque, were absent! Many viewers from London, who exactly saw that last Wednesday, were suddenly captured by nostalgia, as the lively image of Greek Scientist Archimedes and the lively videos of Roman Numeral 30 flooded the minds of the onlookers.



Money double, No trouble!


However, instead of shouting out Eureka, the running scientist whose name was later confirmed to be Dr Tremendous Enigma, was blurting out, “My Tall Sis” or something similar, as reported by an extremely unscientific observer. Had the observer been any more scientific, it would not have been not much of a Pre-frontal Cortex  Scratching Job to appreciate the fact that all Dr Enigma was screaming about was MITOSIS.

MONEYTOSIS: A trick to double the money you had…

But we can not blame the Doc, neither can anyone, who has been intrigued by the title of this post, as he clearly had scientifically proven that Money CAN undergo MITOSIS! What that means is that if you treat money i.e. notes or bills or coins with a specific enzyme and then submerge it into a specific nutrient medium at a specific temperature, then within a specific time your money will double itself. If you had a Dollar Bill, you will end up with 2 bills and if you had 5839 pounds, you will end up with 5839 pounds*2=11678 Pounds!

Dr Enigma was probably running towards the Royal Society of London, but his run ended on a shocking note when a Bugatti Veyron run him over. Police have not been able to identify the Veyron Driver as the car was so fast that it was apparently moving at a speed a little faster than that of light, and before light photons could strike the car and return to the eyes of the observer, the car had escaped!

Presently, Dr Enigma’s house is being searched, where he had secretly hid the secret to secretly double his money. As a heartbreaking truth, we are regretting to state that though it is confirmed that money can double all by itself, we have probably lost the recipe to do so. 😦

 Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Antarctica Daily
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