People are going crazy over this Antivirus, after its Ad goes Viral

16 February 2018

The antivirus was built by a hacker to spread a virus named Antivirus. But it went viral now. To advertise it, they used a biohazard. A virus. Readers are confused now. Let me explain.

Explanation: You see, the reason we call it a virus, is because it can go viral. In fact, the vice versa is a more believable argument. But when an Antivirus advertised by a real virus goes viral, it becomes the virus itself, following the previous rule. Now the viral antivirus, was viral because it was popularised by a culture of virus, which is a symbol of the wrecked culture of unethical hackers. This culture determining culture, was basically the virus, which forced people to buy the antivirus, which was itself that virus. As soon as the people, bought the antivirus compelled by the virus, it went viral which was just after the virus went viral.

Effects: We observed people with no computers buy an antivirus. We saw hospitals buy the antivirus to cure viral diseases. We watched viral videos about the viral antivirus. Yet, we did nothing. Then we bought the antivirus ourselves. For us, the viral habit had become vital.

One more explanation, because I bet you still don’t understand it: The company Virus is run by a group of hackers and a few life hackers. They decided to sell an antivirus. So, they planned an advertisement campaign. Instead of making an ad video, they made an advertising virus, which forced the customers to buy the antivirus. This virus, literally went viral. So, in turn, the antivirus went viral. All this was done by the life hackers. Now the hackers started their game. The antivirus was actually a virus. The name of that was Antivirus.

So, the Antivirus named Virus, designed as a Virus, went Viral, because a Virus went Viral!

Now share this post on whatsapp to only 4 people, and make it go viral. (Scroll below to share.)

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Have a nice day!

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Heart Surgeon caught Red Handed amidst Surgery

10 January 2018

A wise man once said, “Never take everything literally, or you will literally be in great trouble!

The newest addition to IDIOT (International Detective Institution for Obnoxious Tasks) is a man so well versed in literature, that he has started to take every single word literally.

Lately, we have been plagued by a murderer who has broken many hearts by failing to murder the worst murderer in the world, himself, by failing to commit suicide by holding his breath. He live streamed his breath holding video on Fleshbook, and after a breathtaking hour later, the billions of audiences realised that all this time he was breathing through his mouth.

Someone in IDIOT must have mentioned about the need to get hold of this murderer and since then the literally new detective, who was very literal, had caught on to two phrases, “catch red handed” and the “man who broke many hearts”.

He browsed the list for reknowned cardiologists and cardiothoracic surgeons, the literal heart breakers, who work in the nearby hospitals, and chose Dr Redhand as his target.

Next day, just as Dr Redhand, got his gloves covered in blood while trying to graft Left Internal Mammary Artery for a Coronary Bypass Surgery, the Literal Detective entered the OT and caught red-handed Dr Redhand, red handed!

Despite the arrest, the doctor has been freed of all the charges and instead the detective is serving, one quintillion years of jail!

This is literally based on a true story!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

#365day_100word

#antarctica_daily

Doctor breaks all 206 bones of patient while sneezing during surgery

30 February, 0153: “Who can say for sure? Perhaps a frontal lobotomy would be the answer!”, said the doctor,before adding, “If science can operate on this distorted brain and put it into good use, Society would reap a great benefit!” Although, the doc said all this with an air of confidence, one hour later he tragically confirmed to the world that it was himself and not the patient who had the distorted brain!

Sneezing is good. It helps us get rid of intruders in our nasal cavity. In fact, sneezing has been regarded as a heroic act by several ancient civilizations. Often, we have observed, great empires being thrown over and newer empires being established only because the latter sneezed with more perfection! From establishing domination to ensuring victories in battles, a mighty sneeze is indeed what brave human beings look forward to!

But who knew that such a noble task such as sneezing could break hearts of so many people and what’s worse, break so many bones, in fact all, of one person. It was three days before the day after tomorrow, that is, yesterday that the doctor was attempting to attempt a frontal lobotomy, which is a pretty illegal surgery nowadays, on a 123.456 years old, rather young, as he likes to call himself, man, who had apparently been suffering from tweet syndrome, in which, one person can not refrain himself from tweeting meaningless tweets, often incomplete with invented words, especially at the middle of the night!

More Halloween Clip Art Illustrations at http://www.ClipartOf.com
Ssup Bro! How’s life?

The surgery began pretty well, with the doc making ostentatious hand movements which dazzled the innocent interns who were either presently absent or absent-mindedly present there. Unnoticed by everybody, a vicious mosquito was advancing towards the engulfing premises of the doctor’s nasal cavity. With one last flutter of wing, the mosquito successfully succeeded in succeeding to succeed to enter where many mosquitoes have only dreamed of entering. But the utterly sensitive nose of the doctor, in a moment of haste, sprang to life and what followed is probably the pinnacle of human endeavour towards modernisation. He sneezed! Not just a sneeze but a Sneeze, a big fat mighty SNEEZE!

We are unsure of what happened next, as no soul still confined within their bodies, retained their consciousness during such a cataclysmic event. What we do know, is that the patient with tweeter syndrome has fractured all 206 of his bones including the malleus, incus and stapes of both the ears!

A surgery that could have lasted only a few hours, gave birth to a situation in which the patient required at least a year worth of surgery. Our feelings and thoughts are with him tonight. ūüė¶

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

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Brain-Dead Paralysed Patient transplants his own brain into Doctor’s head

30 February, 0138: People have questioned whether almost a decade worth of medical education is sufficient enough to build doctors who are the engineers of human body, unlike the engineers, who are the doctors of anything, that is not a human body. Although we are still as far away to prove it, as far we are to disprove it, we have come exceptionally close to proving another fact that even without education, a human, a patient above that, a paralysed one above that too, a brain dead paralysed patient even above that too can perform extremely complicated surgery upon the man who was actually supposed to do exactly the same on him.

Last Monday, one Brain-Dead Patient signed a deal with a surgeon, stating that he will allow the doc to perform a state of the art brain transplant into a cadaver’s body. Although it is still not confirmed, how a brain dead person could sign a deal, the investigation is presently postponed to a later date, as apparently the intelligence agencies are having bigger priorities. Last Tuesday, the surgery was scheduled. Everything proceeded as it should have, however, the result of the entire process was a dangerously dangerous danger.

The doctor, as the nurses have confirmed had initiated the surgery well, but got distracted, when his phone beeped once because of a notification. Later it was confirmed to be, “Your troops are ready for battle” from Clash of Clans.¬†The doctor had recently joined the legend league and could not afford to wait till his first battle. He instantly sat down on the chair beside him and started to play. The patient suddenly woke up, and in a matter of minutes, till the battle lasted, with hands of dexterity, swiftly interchanged his brain with the doctor’s. The doctor suddenly felt a change of perspective as his brain started receiving data from the patient’s sensory organs. He tried to get hold of his smartphone, but he realised that the patient was paralysed and thus he could not move his hands. Thus the doctor could not move, while the patient in doctor’s body took control of the situation.

Later it also turned out that the doctor was basically raiding the patient’s village, who was also in the legend league. Thus the patient did not waste a second and immediately surrendered. Hence the patient won the battle from the doctor’s body by controlling the doctor’s troops. But the patient whose brain was supposed to be dead was mistaken and interchanged with the cadaver. It turned out that, the cadaver’s body whose body was dead had by miracle, his brain alive. A nurse had foolishly placed the cadaver’s body in the patient’s place. Now the Cadaver’s brain was in the doctor’s body while the doctor’s brain was in the cadaver’s body while the whole world thought that the patient’s brain was in doctor’s body and vice versa. But this fact came to light only after the cadaver i.e. the doctor was buried. Now the nurses got inspired by the case and interchanged each other’s brains. All this time the brain dead paralysed patient was lying still, and observing the situation by his sixth sense. He was extremely indignant, as the cadaver, who was a lowly titan league player was now enjoying doctor’s village. The cadaver now, confidently left the operation hall, in doctor’s body, stating that the operation was successful, but the patient had died. Thus the patient was shipped to the morgue and cadaver to the graveyard, which was actually the doctor, who could not move, not because of paralysis, but because of rigor mortis.

Ultimately, when all the events came to light, the doctor was dug up and the patient was retrieved from morgue. Now, their brains were interchanged but still noone moved, as one was paralysed while the other one was dead. Hence, considering this operation to be unsuccessful, the new doctor left the room and the nurses who had interchanged the brains again interchanged it, returning to normal life and rushing to Antarctica Daily Headquarters to report about the incident(that was how we came to know about all this.)

As the end result, the brain dead patient’s brain, ended up in cadaver’s body and was happily buried full dead. The previous doctor was in paralysed patient’s body and continued his life on a wheelchair. The cadaver’s brain was in the doctor’s body, who was also the same person as the new doctor, who did the second surgery (no one recognised him as he was in a camouflage.) and continued his life as a respected doctor and a legend league player.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website

WARNING: This food causes indigestion even WITHOUT consumption!

30 February, 0123: Beware it might be in your plate. But if it is not in your plate then also, be equally Aware. It can lengthen your medical bill and substantially lengthen your time on the toilet seat, even if you have never seen it, heard of it, let alone touched it, smelt it or even worse tasted it.

The Pharmaceutical companies are perplexed on this latest discovery and have not yet reflected on the possible preventions of indigestions and diarrhea which result due to THE FOOD.

A Recent study has found out that this FOOD, available in North America and Asia, is probably a poisonous fruit that can cause indigestion in the Human Beings even if it is not consumed by the victim. This makes development of drugs, to prevent the symptoms and sufferings, IMPOSSIBLE.

After biologists from around the world have been clueless on how to tackle this problem, physicists have meanwhile suggested two hypotheses explaining how a food can cause INDIGESTION even WITHOUT consumption.

  1. Initially, they blamed it all onto the presence of tachyons inside the fruit. Tachyons are hypothetical particles with imaginary mass, which travel faster than the speed of the light and TRAVELS BACK IN TIME. That could be the reason why this food can have effects even before it is consumed.
  2. Recently, String theorists have even pointed towards quantum entanglement. According to them the food has entangled particles with our bodily atoms and fermions. Any macroscopic interaction of the subatomic particles of the food hence instantly decides the state of existence of the atoms of our body.

No one has any idea what is the real cause or the prevention. Incase you have any query you can let us know down in the comments or HERE.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website

 

“Less Chips” saves 182 patients from Suffocation

30 February, 0122: Desperate times call for desperate measures. Last Night when the Hospital of Eastern Land Patients (HELP) caught fire, it was theoretically impossible to evacuate the patients from their life support system in the ICUs. An intelligent Doctor, namely, Dr Murderer thought of an ingenious plan and ordered a ton of Less Chips Chilli flavoured from the nearest medical store.

On asking Dr Murderer, “Why on Earth was a medical store having Less Chips?”, he has answered, “It was on Earth as on any other planet life is not yet discovered!”

As the fire cut out the electric supply and burnt all the oxygen which, turned out to be highly combustible, the patients in highly critical condition had trouble breathing. So the doctor opened one packet of chips which was 99.96% air (Nitrogen) and allowed the patient to breathe from the packet.

Crazy hahaha.jpg

This act of ingenuousness saved 182 lives and also confirmed that Nitrogen could also be used as a supplement for Oxygen and hence should no longer be called Pnictogen!

PS: The Less Chips is a fictional brand and any¬†resemblance¬†with real world brand is Highly¬†Unintentional…

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website

If You like the Idea Thank Dr Murderer, HERE.

T-Rex’s HEART found to be BEATING 100M years after FOSSILIZATION

30 February,0101: A whole lot of¬†speculation is already there surrounding the life of the Great Dinosaur Tyrannosaurus Rex. But it was beyond the imagination of even the fiction writers and prolific film directors that one day its heartbeat will be calculated.”We were and in fact still are in pretty much of a shock. Just like everyone we too associate the fact that the heart is beating with the fact that the animal is still alive. Although not much of flesh is left in the degraded fossil of the dino, a beating heart is enough to scare us of a resurrection.” ¬†said Australian Botanist Dr. Kang Roo.

On careful calculation the heart beat turned out to be about ’26i’ per minute, where¬†i is the imaginary number. Mathematician Jerome Boka was the first one to theoretically predict on pen and paper the probable heartbeat and then measured it using a headphone (as a replacement for stethoscope). Although there has been no confirmation about the matter from the experts in medicine and anthropology, the mathematicians and, due to an unknown reason, Botanists seemed to have uncovered a tantalising potential hidden in the recently discovered fact.

As the theory goes the t-rex’s heartbeat is not exactly what we mean when we talk of a heartbeat. It was observed¬†to be a¬†simple harmonic motion of the¬†degraded heart muscle tissue which was oscillating at a plane perpendicular to the median sagittal plane. Instead of using vector notation, in a moment of brilliance the Mathematician modelled the heart beat using complex numbers and found its time period to be another complex numbers which in turn yielded the heartbeat of 26i per minute.

Several questions have already arisen like,

  1. How can a degraded muscle tissue in a fossil represent a heart?
  2. If the heart is beating is the t-rex dead?
  3. What does the fox say? (fox=anthropologist)

and most importantly,

4. What EXACTLY was a mathematician doing with T-Rex Fossil???

IF YOU CAN ANSWER ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, PLEASE DO IT HERE.