The Terrible Teacher


Put simply, it is insanely difficult to put it simply. I have tried in English, French, Spanish and even Python, Java and QBASIC, for all are languages, but I have failed, undeniably miserably, at expressing what I was expected to, upon being asked the question, which though, was strangely metamorphosed into a morbidly labyrinthine piece of literature, was proclaimed to be an integral part of my syllabus, by my teacher, who I have attributed with, the epithet of being terrible, in the Heading of this post. I have known people who are brick walls in accepting any creative answer and I have met people who are sewage pumps in framing questions, but never have I ever, encountered the miserable phenomenon of facing a person, who simultaneously belongs to those two categories.

Five minutes in, and I declared that I could not make any more sense with my sensible answer, than I am doing right now. And then I had to explain why, upon receiving a stimulus. And then I had to explain why I answer rhetorical questions, which after answering, I realised was itself a self-interrogatory rhetorical question! And since then, I have been answering…..

I know not, when I may Stop (breathing, for that is the only way this Viva could end!).

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
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English Movie Channels to Forecast Indian Soaps before they are Broadcasted


30 February, 0125: After a recent development in particle physics, all the English Channels like Scar Movies, Movies WowBurner Woes, Sunny Pics, etc. have made an astonishing announcement. They have promised to the viewers in every Indian household that using the concept of the string theory they will predict sequences of events which are most likely to repeat. Knowing that plots of Indian soaps are probably not an exception to  that notion and in fact, are probably the most appreciable examples of the fact, they have ventured upon a new technology to predict the future.

For example, if a specific episode was scheduled on 31st August in the Soap broadcaster channel, it will be forecasted on 32nd July on an English Movie Channel. After a long research involving the PISA (Psycho Indian Soap Analyzers) and the PIZZA (Probably International: Zzz Zzz (sleeping) Association) the producers of the movie channels have summarized the following facts:

  • Almost every Soap has a similar plot, with occasionally different character names and different actors; sometimes different actors play the same role in the same episode of the same serial, usually because everyone is accustomed to witness the changing faces of typical soap-y characters.
  • The Background music is usually borrowed from the latest hit Bollywood Movie.
  • The older the character, the crueler SHE becomes and quieter HE becomes.
  • Action scenes if to be shot, involves 3 faulty editings, 4 jumps, 5 punches and an infinite amount of camera shaking.
  • The worst insult possible is a SLAP from the most loved person.
  • The Editors are expert in Pressing CTRL+X and CTRL+V.
  • A connection of Indian Soaps to Dante Alighieri’s  Epic Poem The Divine Comedy has been established, because the number 3 is emphasised in both the cases. In Indian Soaps, every action takes place thrice, with different angles of camera, (un)pleasant background music and plethora of camera filters.

If all the data about 2 consecutive episodes are fed into a supercomputer like TRANSLTR, then within seconds the computer predicts the possible storyline for the episodes to be broadcasted in next one month.

Although the details about how String theory is useful is still a mystery, it is advisable to every soap lover that they should switch on to their English Movies Channel, and enjoy the INDIAN SOAP MARATHON from Morning 5 AM to Night 10 PM witnessing all the episode forecasts. 

Reporter: Monideepa Majumdar*

  • Star Correspondent of Leading Daily Newspaper of India
  • Understood difference between TV Soaps and Cleansing Soaps  since infancy
  • Does every action thrice with background music
  • Net Worth: Incalculable but Famous for moneylending to Bill Windows (developer of Gates OS), thrice.

*Edited by:

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website

Ronaldo requested to star in FINAL DESTINATION after his ‘Winning Penalty’ Vision


30 February,0107: Real Madrid are unstoppable. They have won 11 Champions League finals and surely deserve the title of ‘The Best in Europe.’ They have defeated Atletico Madrid 3 times in a row in consecutive seasons and proven to be too good for their city rivals.

In the final match, both teams played exceptionally well. Especially the passing of balls, both among the same team players and in between the different teams have been exceptional. Atletico Forward Antoine Griezmann missed an unfortunate penalty but the young Carrasco managed to level with Ramos’ goal in the second half. But the match was so entertaining that the players themselves refused to end it and played till the last millisecond of 120 minutes of extra time.

In the penalties however, Pressure took the better of Juanfran and he missed a penalty. Then Ronaldo stepped up and this is where the story begins. He scored a beautiful goal and Real Madrid won the cup.

But the underlying mystery remained hidden until the post-match interview. Ronaldo, said that he had a vision of scoring the winning penalty and told his manager Zidan that he will take the last penalty.

Film-makers were waiting for this opportunity (as they told us, but how did THEY have been waiting? Did they too get a vision?). As soon as the match ended they  started running after the Ronaldo who is probably, the best footballer in the world. But Ronaldo directly denied the request.

After the denial, the film-makers have been reportedly been chasing the Defender who had played in that final, and had mesmerised the world with his innovative ACTING.