Brain-Dead Paralysed Patient transplants his own brain into Doctor’s head


30 February, 0138: People have questioned whether almost a decade worth of medical education is sufficient enough to build doctors who are the engineers of human body, unlike the engineers, who are the doctors of anything, that is not a human body. Although we are still as far away to prove it, as far we are to disprove it, we have come exceptionally close to proving another fact that even without education, a human, a patient above that, a paralysed one above that too, a brain dead paralysed patient even above that too can perform extremely complicated surgery upon the man who was actually supposed to do exactly the same on him.

Last Monday, one Brain-Dead Patient signed a deal with a surgeon, stating that he will allow the doc to perform a state of the art brain transplant into a cadaver’s body. Although it is still not confirmed, how a brain dead person could sign a deal, the investigation is presently postponed to a later date, as apparently the intelligence agencies are having bigger priorities. Last Tuesday, the surgery was scheduled. Everything proceeded as it should have, however, the result of the entire process was a dangerously dangerous danger.

The doctor, as the nurses have confirmed had initiated the surgery well, but got distracted, when his phone beeped once because of a notification. Later it was confirmed to be, “Your troops are ready for battle” from Clash of Clans. The doctor had recently joined the legend league and could not afford to wait till his first battle. He instantly sat down on the chair beside him and started to play. The patient suddenly woke up, and in a matter of minutes, till the battle lasted, with hands of dexterity, swiftly interchanged his brain with the doctor’s. The doctor suddenly felt a change of perspective as his brain started receiving data from the patient’s sensory organs. He tried to get hold of his smartphone, but he realised that the patient was paralysed and thus he could not move his hands. Thus the doctor could not move, while the patient in doctor’s body took control of the situation.

Later it also turned out that the doctor was basically raiding the patient’s village, who was also in the legend league. Thus the patient did not waste a second and immediately surrendered. Hence the patient won the battle from the doctor’s body by controlling the doctor’s troops. But the patient whose brain was supposed to be dead was mistaken and interchanged with the cadaver. It turned out that, the cadaver’s body whose body was dead had by miracle, his brain alive. A nurse had foolishly placed the cadaver’s body in the patient’s place. Now the Cadaver’s brain was in the doctor’s body while the doctor’s brain was in the cadaver’s body while the whole world thought that the patient’s brain was in doctor’s body and vice versa. But this fact came to light only after the cadaver i.e. the doctor was buried. Now the nurses got inspired by the case and interchanged each other’s brains. All this time the brain dead paralysed patient was lying still, and observing the situation by his sixth sense. He was extremely indignant, as the cadaver, who was a lowly titan league player was now enjoying doctor’s village. The cadaver now, confidently left the operation hall, in doctor’s body, stating that the operation was successful, but the patient had died. Thus the patient was shipped to the morgue and cadaver to the graveyard, which was actually the doctor, who could not move, not because of paralysis, but because of rigor mortis.

Ultimately, when all the events came to light, the doctor was dug up and the patient was retrieved from morgue. Now, their brains were interchanged but still noone moved, as one was paralysed while the other one was dead. Hence, considering this operation to be unsuccessful, the new doctor left the room and the nurses who had interchanged the brains again interchanged it, returning to normal life and rushing to Antarctica Daily Headquarters to report about the incident(that was how we came to know about all this.)

As the end result, the brain dead patient’s brain, ended up in cadaver’s body and was happily buried full dead. The previous doctor was in paralysed patient’s body and continued his life on a wheelchair. The cadaver’s brain was in the doctor’s body, who was also the same person as the new doctor, who did the second surgery (no one recognised him as he was in a camouflage.) and continued his life as a respected doctor and a legend league player.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website

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“Less Chips” saves 182 patients from Suffocation


30 February, 0122: Desperate times call for desperate measures. Last Night when the Hospital of Eastern Land Patients (HELP) caught fire, it was theoretically impossible to evacuate the patients from their life support system in the ICUs. An intelligent Doctor, namely, Dr Murderer thought of an ingenious plan and ordered a ton of Less Chips Chilli flavoured from the nearest medical store.

On asking Dr Murderer, “Why on Earth was a medical store having Less Chips?”, he has answered, “It was on Earth as on any other planet life is not yet discovered!”

As the fire cut out the electric supply and burnt all the oxygen which, turned out to be highly combustible, the patients in highly critical condition had trouble breathing. So the doctor opened one packet of chips which was 99.96% air (Nitrogen) and allowed the patient to breathe from the packet.

Crazy hahaha.jpg

This act of ingenuousness saved 182 lives and also confirmed that Nitrogen could also be used as a supplement for Oxygen and hence should no longer be called Pnictogen!

PS: The Less Chips is a fictional brand and any resemblance with real world brand is Highly Unintentional…

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website

If You like the Idea Thank Dr Murderer, HERE.