30 February, 0157:Never in a million years did anybody come up with the solution to the question posed by the world-famous mathematician and spare-time-wicketkeeper Dr Partial Derivative, not exactly because the problem was too difficult, but more so because, a million years have not yet evolved ever since he did pose the problem! This problem is not invented by him and his browser history says that he simply had fished it off Google.
Kidsdon’t understand this problem, Men can’t solve this problem but Legends always give up whatever they are doing and attempt to try to endeavour to seek to strive to solve this problem.
And such legendary cricketers are the ones who are affected the worst! Dr P Derivative, as mentioned above is a wicket keeper of a charity cricket team which plays cricket matches with World’s Legendary XI (a dynamic cricket team consisting of the best cricket players to ever play cricket!) to raise money for raising money! Whenever his cricket team is about to lose a match and he is wicket keeping, he shouts out the problem from behind the batsman. Being legends, they immediately start solving the problem. The bowler bowls and with the batsman busy, the keeper stumps forcing the umpire to raise a finger high up in the air, which if had been the neighboring finger, could have landed him in trouble! However, it was the math problem which basically did the stumping!
Experts say that the math problem is actually not a problem at all but rather the description of the Lagrangian of the Standard Model. It is so long and dense with mathematical symbols that it takes the legends forever to understand why on Earth, or for that matter, in the Universe would the wicket keeper shout out such a elemental historical fundamental physical mathematical factual real description to them at the middle of the match, and ask them to solve it and in the meantime the wicket keeper Dr PD would have already stumped them out!
30 February, 0142: 666 people were injured, 66 people were killed and 6 people were executed as 6 day old 666 m high building collapsed within 6.6 seconds in front of 66 Million people witnessing its inauguration. Police have blamed it totally onto the 6 Board members who were in charge of naming the building and executed them immediately, because what they had done, was apparently a Crime.
You can name your building Zeta and it will have a great potential. You may name it Gamma and it will radiate energy to the neighbourhood. You may also name it Epsilon as it is quite permissible. But, do, not, ever, name, it, PSI. Please! As it will collapse as soon as it is observed.
In case, you still have no idea why, it is because Psi or Ψ is used to denote wave function in Physics. According to the rules of quantum mechanics, as soon as an electron or a similar particle is observed, its wave function collapses into one of its quantum states. Hence, if the building you were building is named Psi, it too collapses. And the result is that, multiple people die. MULTIPLE INNOCENT PEOPLE DIE. 😦
Last Monday, as soon as the new building was inaugurated, the restless crowd of 66 Million people, threw a heavy glance at the Building and observed it which immediately succumbed to the Copenhagen Interpretation and Collapsed!
May the souls of the departed, Rest in Peace.*
*And the Souls of the horrible building namers, who were executed, be given a exquisite super deluxe tour of Dante’s HELL.
30 February, 0123: Beware it might be in your plate. But if it is not in your plate then also, be equally Aware. It can lengthen your medical bill and substantially lengthen your time on the toilet seat, even if you have never seen it, heard of it, let alone touched it, smelt it or even worse tasted it.
The Pharmaceutical companies are perplexed on this latest discovery and have not yet reflected on the possible preventions of indigestions and diarrhea which result due to THE FOOD.
A Recent study has found out that this FOOD, available in North America and Asia, is probably a poisonous fruit that can cause indigestion in the Human Beings even if it is not consumed by the victim. This makes development of drugs, to prevent the symptoms and sufferings, IMPOSSIBLE.
After biologists from around the world have been clueless on how to tackle this problem, physicists have meanwhile suggested two hypotheses explaining how a food can cause INDIGESTION even WITHOUT consumption.
Initially, they blamed it all onto the presence of tachyons inside the fruit. Tachyons are hypothetical particles with imaginary mass, which travel faster than the speed of the light and TRAVELS BACK IN TIME. That could be the reason why this food can have effects even before it is consumed.
Recently, String theorists have even pointed towards quantum entanglement. According to them the food has entangled particles with our bodily atoms and fermions. Any macroscopic interaction of the subatomic particles of the food hence instantly decides the state of existence of the atoms of our body.
No one has any idea what is the real cause or the prevention. Incase you have any query you can let us know down in the comments or HERE.
30 October,0093: Very soon, the end would be very near. Scientists have clearly declared that the longer the KILO- prefix exists in our Units and measurements, the worse the safety for physicists will be. They explained WHY on asking WHY?!
President of SPGS(Self Proclaimed Group of Scientists) Dr April Fool said that,” What we believe is that, it was the prefix kilo that has been the reason of death of all the famous physicists of this planet, especially the ones whose names start with O. To understand why, let us consider the unit of Resistance OHM, 103 OHM is read as KILO-OHM or KILL-OHM. Similarly, KILL-NEWTON, KILL-AMPERE, KILL-PASCAL, etc. are used and poses a great threat to the world-famous scientists. Although, the claim has not yet been approved by all scientists, it is believed that in future, the prefix KILO- will be replaced by something more gentle and rewarding like, LIVO-.
30 February,0092: Students worldwide are extremely eMOTIONal due to the fact that 3 more laws of Motion are to be added to their syllabus along with 3 preexisting laws of motion by Newton. Meanwhile, teachers have concluded that motion laws would be the primary factor retarding the students’ progress.
Upon several heated press conferences, the Physicists let the cat out of the bag and we were enlightened with the 3 new laws of motion.
Assuming that our readers have a fine idea of the first 3 laws, we are directly publishing the 3 new laws publicly. 4th LAW: Hennessey Venom GT has the highest top speed in Asphalt 8. 5th LAW: The Fastest is not always the best, it is often the most furious. 6th LAW: The velocity of your car is inversely proportional to the no. of friends in your car and directly proportional to the square of the distance from your home when the direction is away from your home.
30 February, 0077: Last Monday, a conference was held in the middle of Bermuda Triangle which was attained by all the leading Physicist of the world including Ampere, Volt and Ohm.
Andre Marie Ampere was overwhelmed to meet Volt and he instantly started appreciating every aspect of Volts behavior including the way he walked, his charge and the amount of work he does. Towards the end of the ceremony Ampere was seen appreciating the Potential of Volt in overturning the future of Human kind (As if it was already decided) and changing the course of history forever.
His contemporary Ohm was however skeptical in the ‘over-appreciation’ of Volt, according to Oersted’s terminology, and instead was restless to share some shameful mistakes done by Volt in his life like his constancy in parallel connections and differential behavior in series connection. However, due to some Godly power, he was able to control himself and resist his temptation to share the electrifying comments he was about to.
30 February, 0076: Many news channels reported that a live wire electrocuted an entire passenger bus leading to the death of 39 people on board. But all the sources had shared the incomplete news and just according to our reliable promise, we hereby, bring to you the full story regarding what happened in Iceland when THE LIVE WIRE electrocuted the bus.
After a luxury passenger bus left the capital of Reykjavik it was caught in a thunderstorm when a tree was uprooted and it fell on an electric post which in turn fell on another, which in turn fell on another,which in turn fell on another,which in turn fell on another,which in turn fell on another,which in turn fell on another,which in turn fell on another,which in turn fell on another, and the next one slammed on to the bus while the electric wires radiating our of the post electrocuted the entire passenger and literally toasted all the passengers within with utmost efficiency of an Eco friendly toaster. However it was later investigated out that the conductor of the bus did not die in the disastrous disaster. He somehow managed to escape out of the eager electrical currents excited to electrocute any human in its circuit. On a little more intense investigation done by the reporters of our newspaper we found out that the conductor was actually known for cheating and earning money in anti-social activities. In other words, he was a BAD CONDUCTOR.
After consulting a few physicists we were confirmed that he was such a bad conductor that even he did not conduct 1000000000 volts of current. We would like to narrate this story again anad again to stress upon the fact that Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining and “Bad is actually Good.”(when it comes to electrodynamics).