Aeroplane Flushes Kill more people than Crashes


30 February, 0135: Have you ever been to the restroom while flying? Yes of course. Did you walk out alive? Well, I did but on a stretcher after the emergency landing.

If you can relate the preceding text with your life and if you are still alive then you should probably thank the modern medicine. A study conducted last April found out that, Out of 35,000 who ‘walk’ into the plane restroom, only 3500 are lucky enough to walk out. About 10,000 are carried out and the remaining, their souls simply increase their altitude a bit further and reach their final destination.

In case, you still have no idea what we are talking about, well, it’s the restroom FLUSH. It has been metaphorically compared to mount Vesuvius by the great author Pliny. Meanwhile, Shakespeare and the contemporaries have kept themselves contented by regarding it as the Thunder. In fact, according to historians, it was believed by Great thinkers in Ancient Rome that the Thunder was nothing but a Flush from a plane restroom. Several instances from the stone age suggest that it was such noises from the plane restroom which has taught the early men the importance of Noise Cancelling Headphones. Anthropologists have blamed such flushes to be the reason for the Great Paleozoic Extinction and also the reason for the Dinosaur’s extinction.

Beware, FLUSHING KILLS.

Now let us ask an experienced Pilot about how he feels after flushing? He answers,” That is the scariest thing I ever did in my life. The sudden boom , which is indeed a sonic boom, gets echoed inside the cramping restroom and somehow manages to knock me out every single time. In fact that is why airplane companies have added this external restroom door opener, to forcibly open the restroom door even if it is locked from inside.” We won’t deny but we found the last statement, well, DISTURBING. So much that we immediately discontinued taking the interview.

But we hope, that mankind will overcome this problem. Just like they learnt to fly one day, they would, one day, learn to silence the Restroom Flush. With this beautiful thought in our mind, let us count till 12 and then we all will be silent.

PS: In case you have no idea why, check out on Pablo Neruda.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website

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The First Class Suite of AirBusrt A880 now has Open Air Balcony and much more….


30 February, 0118: Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy you a state of the art Open Air Balcony in mid-air.

The first thought of having an open air balcony in an airplane is attributed to a Mental Asylum inhabitant of Ranchi, India. Reports say that the idea was thought of by him amidst a terrible LSD induced hallucination and was somehow overheard by AirBurst CEO Dr Firmament Fly. Although we are not sure how the CEO of the leading aircraft manufacturing company ended up in the audible zone of a mental asylum inhabitant, it has been proved with Satisfying Evidence that Nothing is Impossible. In a planet, where a hundred years ago, a flying machine would have been deemed as fantasy, a hundred years later from then have succeeded in building a Flying Machine with Open Air Balcony and other exciting luxuriously comfortable equipments.

The features of the “Dream Flight” AirBurst A880 are listed below:

  1. As the heading reads, it has an Open Air Balcony with a Bungee Jumping Spot. The Balcony is accessible only when the flight rises above the height of 80,000 m, so that the passengers can enjoy the soothing effects of anoxia along with suffocation. This ensures that the journey remains memorable.
  2. It features a Gym with all the modern equipments for training on the Go.
  3. It has an Indian style Market or Bazaar with a fish market having fresh stocks from the day’s catch at Bay of Bengal. This addition was made to honour the Mental Asylum Inhabitant whose original idea it was.
  4. The aeroplane has a government of its own with 3 different bodies, the Flyegislature, the Flyexecutive and the Flyudiciary. They have their own laws and impose taxes on the aircraft. Promoters can buy properties and several Tax free zones are also present to encourage industrialization on the flight.
  5. A tennis court, two football stadiums, golf course and Cricket grounds are present along with basketball and baseball courts.
  6. Few amusement  parks, movie theaters and the first ever on the air Hospital also find their places in the aircraft.
  7. It weighs approximately 0 Kg as the manufacturer used equal amounts of matter and antigravity matter in the construction.
  8. The flight has extremely low fuel consumption due to negligible mass and hence can attain speeds up to that of light in 3.4 seconds.
  9. Dark energy is used to meet the Energy demands on Board.
  10. The manufacturer is even known to have added a few robotic Cabin Crews who serve the passengers.
  11. A mountain taller than Mt. Everest, 76 rivers and 3 oceans are also present in the ‘Respecting Nature” Neighbourhood of the flight.
  12. Cruise ship, helicopter and Jumbo Jet services are available on Board for the navigation of the flight.
  13. It can accommodate a maximum of 3 Trillion passengers.
  14. The manufacturer has promised that the next production of the company AirBurst A980 will be powered by matter antimatter annihilations and will be large enough to accommodate the entire Multiverse.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Pun Wit MeMe

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