30 February, 0148: It is clear that distributing Pepsi can handle any magnitude of protest. Even if you allegedly end up calling the 7th richest country of the world, where the 10th richest person still has double your net worth – POOR, it is quite evident from the latest Pepsi ad that Handing over free Pepsi can handle any such backlash due to the consequence of your apparently nonsensical actions.
Snapchat handing over Pepsi
Hence, the CEO of snapchat has utilised this special trick to control the anger of the Indians, after potentially insulting the Ancient world Golden Bird, the largest democracy and one of the fastest growing economy which is also a subcontinent with rich heritage and history. We still do not have any news about the response of the angered Indians to this Free Pepsi Handover Scheme.
30 February, 0129: Professor Snape has already declared that in the upcoming Triwizard tournament, the contestants will have to contest in a sarcasm competition to win this years bumper prize of uPhone 7, which is so costly that even wizards can’t afford it and have to win tournaments to get hold of one!
Not just in the world of Wizards, but even muggles have announced that from 2020 Sarcasm will be played off as a sport in the Olympics. In case, this new game intrigues you, know that you are in the right place, just continue to read the article:
This game has humble beginnings, in the households of poor farmers tormented by landlords.
This game got popularised with the help of some terrible governments and their horrified public.
Only people with IQ higher than 150 are allowed to play this game.
It is almost like a rap battle, only that you will not have to rap and it is not a battle!
To win this game, the players must insult each other using just words which are SFW enough to be heard by a 1 second old infant but intelligent enough to not be understood by the man with IQ of 149.99! (That was not the factorial sign!) (Neither was this!) (Or this.)
If you use even a single a pun in the competition you will be disqualified. Be strictly sarcastic.
The SAD (Sarcasm Authority Department) has already published reports proving that this game can help one deal with the situations of contemporary times #Like_A_Boss ! Also this game could be more effective in controlling seemingly uncharacteristically non-hyper verbal natures of some politicians on ascending the throne and quite characteristically hyperverbal buccal cavities of celebrities and TV stars and normalize the bureaucratic capitalism of unequal distribution of speech!
Reported by, Ankit JHaHaHaHa*
known galaxy wide for his Punny Sarcasms.
Owns a motorcycle, which has a steering wheel.
He is immuned to every disease. Mosquito suffers from Dengue after biting him.
30 February, 0113: Preventing the prevention of environmental degradation of Earth is a shame as it was the first planet to be discovered by the human beings. Though many of us still doubt the existence of our home planet, Earth, and several others eloquently express so, it is widely accepted that caring for the nature which cares for us is a beneficial and a good deed that would convert Earth into paradise and also seal our place in Paradise. Assuming that you have already guessed how the arguments are progressing I would save a little energy from both my and your side by substantially reducing the mass of this seemingly meaningless introduction!
Here are few modern ALTERNATIVE SOURCES of ENERGY:-
Hatred: Scientists from the University of South Pole have succeeded in channeling the hatred that exists both intra and inter human beings to something useful. (The technology is simple. Irritate a person by repeating the name of one he dislikes and he will use up ATP to add velocity to the glass object near his strong hand which can be used to turn a turbine and generate energy. Scientists have agreed that names of Celebs like Justout Barber can appreciably improve the technique by irritating the person to never-seen-before levels.)
False Promises: This is a pseudo-energy source as it can improve the performance output of the suppressed class by FALSE promises made by their bosses. Many powerful people have already adopted this method to improve productivity at the expense of exploitation.
Tether Earth and Mars: Since the distance between Earth and mars is variable, tethering Earth and Mars can lead to storage of elastic potential energy in the rope used to tie them.
Glucose: Only Applicable for humans who are easily fatigued by their 8-hour 5-week work schedule.
Disproving the LAW OF CONSERVATION OF ENERGY: Researchers and scientists from the Universal University of Universe, have succeeded in finding counterexamples to the Law of Conservation of Energy. According to a study by them, “Human behavior is not in accordance with conservation of Law of Conservation of Energy as they always overreact in simple situations and shut up in demanding situations”. The habit of talking behind the back has considerably aided this research in UN-understable ways!