The Door that Knocked Itself


Moving into a new house can be a little tricky sometimes. You have a ton of compromises to make. From adapting to the new environment, to familiarizing yourself with the neighbourhood, it can often take a toll on your daily life experience, especially so, if the door that your house has likes to knock itself.

Mornings are usually less disastrous. You wake up humming a song which is stuck in your head since the last week, but you still can’t identify it beyond doubts. You come alarmingly close to recognising the song, and, there is a knock on the door. You rush frantically towards the door because you were expecting the Amazon delivery. With a smile on your face, and anticipation in your mind, you open the door only to find out that your garden looks greener than usual, probably pertaining to the fact that it had rained yesterday. But there is no one at the door! At least no one who is not invisible. You start questioning the existence of Harry’s invisibility cloak, while scanning the surroundings with darting eyes. For a second, you are convinced that you did indeed hear a door-knock but the next moment you are back to the kitchen merrily humming the same old song.

Few minutes later, another knock draws your attention. This time you are sure you have heard it. You take long steps to the door, take a deep breath, and open the door. But, NOPE. There is no one! You smell a mystery, actually you smell the essence of wet soil, but you pretend that it is a mystery. You walk out of the house and being a careful person as you are you close the door behind you, right when you hear another knock. The smell, which while sniffing earlier seemed to be of mystery, now was of downright suspense. You walk up to the door so slowly, that a time-lapse video would have looked normal. You bang open the door, or at least you plan to, but you don’t because you are struck metaphorically by lighting and literally by a thought, which is whether the knock came from inside? For if the answer to the aforementioned question is yes, then it will explain every strange phenomena you have been experiencing since the morning. You realise that the reason you have not been able to locate the knocker of the door is because you have been searching in the wrong place altogether! The one who knocked was not physically placed outside your door, but was rather sharing the comfort of your own home! Now you carefully open the door and hold it still at a forty five degree angle with the usual open or usual close position and start surveying both the outside and the inside.

You hear the door knock again. Now you are convinced that the natural and normal knocking of the door is undeniably supernatural and paranormal.

No one is inside, no one is outside, yet the door got knocked. You hear another knock and you plan to knock down the door! A kick and a punch later you stand victorious, in your doorway with no doors to make it one. Almost as a miracle, a garbage truck was passing by, you hail to the driver, ask him to stop the truck, then you throw the door onto the truck and as the truck sails away, rather rolls away, or even better, gets driven away, you start missing the self-knocking door for the first time which you yourself had knocked down. You return back into the house, with emotions of nostalgia and reminiscence flooding your mind, because you have just realised that you start to value something, only when it’s gone. Missing your door you spend the rest of the day trying to push the image of the gaping doorway away from your mind.

That night a thief breaks into your home, rather walks into your home and steals away every valuables of yours.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

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Doctor breaks all 206 bones of patient while sneezing during surgery


30 February, 0153: “Who can say for sure? Perhaps a frontal lobotomy would be the answer!”, said the doctor,before adding, “If science can operate on this distorted brain and put it into good use, Society would reap a great benefit!” Although, the doc said all this with an air of confidence, one hour later he tragically confirmed to the world that it was himself and not the patient who had the distorted brain!

Sneezing is good. It helps us get rid of intruders in our nasal cavity. In fact, sneezing has been regarded as a heroic act by several ancient civilizations. Often, we have observed, great empires being thrown over and newer empires being established only because the latter sneezed with more perfection! From establishing domination to ensuring victories in battles, a mighty sneeze is indeed what brave human beings look forward to!

But who knew that such a noble task such as sneezing could break hearts of so many people and what’s worse, break so many bones, in fact all, of one person. It was three days before the day after tomorrow, that is, yesterday that the doctor was attempting to attempt a frontal lobotomy, which is a pretty illegal surgery nowadays, on a 123.456 years old, rather young, as he likes to call himself, man, who had apparently been suffering from tweet syndrome, in which, one person can not refrain himself from tweeting meaningless tweets, often incomplete with invented words, especially at the middle of the night!

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Ssup Bro! How’s life?

The surgery began pretty well, with the doc making ostentatious hand movements which dazzled the innocent interns who were either presently absent or absent-mindedly present there. Unnoticed by everybody, a vicious mosquito was advancing towards the engulfing premises of the doctor’s nasal cavity. With one last flutter of wing, the mosquito successfully succeeded in succeeding to succeed to enter where many mosquitoes have only dreamed of entering. But the utterly sensitive nose of the doctor, in a moment of haste, sprang to life and what followed is probably the pinnacle of human endeavour towards modernisation. He sneezed! Not just a sneeze but a Sneeze, a big fat mighty SNEEZE!

We are unsure of what happened next, as no soul still confined within their bodies, retained their consciousness during such a cataclysmic event. What we do know, is that the patient with tweeter syndrome has fractured all 206 of his bones including the malleus, incus and stapes of both the ears!

A surgery that could have lasted only a few hours, gave birth to a situation in which the patient required at least a year worth of surgery. Our feelings and thoughts are with him tonight. 😦

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

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Blood-Tasting Dracula safer than Blood-Testing Clinic


30 February, 0139: Footballers are known for scoring own goals. Cricketers are known for getting dismissed by hit wickets. Now Blood Sampling Clinics will be known for calling it a day for the Blood Sampling Clinics!

In a strange study conducted last month, which Doctors from Dutch Institute of Emergency (DIE) had published publicly on the internet, we have gathered that Draculas are more helpful than scary.

According to the study, an average sterilised syringe can still introduce about a million harmful germs into our bloodstream. However, if the syringe is replaced by a blood sucking Dracula, then the number of germ intrusions decrease exponentially from millions to negative billions, i.e. instead of getting in the germs go out of our body. Not only do we succeed in providing our blood for sampling, we also purify our bloodstreams.

Moreover Draculas can instantly detect a plethora of diseases and vital signs just by tasting the blood within seconds.

After discussing the inferences of the study, doctors from all the nations have concluded that from today, all the Blood sampling clinics will shut down and instead Dracula calling Units will be set up in every locality.

CALL A DRACULA NOW

We hope that humans and Draculas will function symbiotically and make our world a better place to live in.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: Our Simple yet Elegant Website

Ǝɿɘʜ ᗡnuoʇ ɘd ᗡluoɔ luʇɘƨu Ꭾniʜƚon


30 February, 0117:

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Tʜiƨ iƨ ʜow you will dɘ wɒƨƚinǫ ƚʜɘ nɘxƚ ʇiʇƚɘɘn minuƚɘƨ oʇ youɿ qɿɘɔiouƨ ƚimɘ.

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