Flying without wings (in an Aeroplane)


Tom, Dick and Harry were flying in an Aeroplane. Then the wings fell off. Two minutes later the plane slammed onto the ground.
Flying without wings is impossible. Flying, without wings, in an Aeroplane is possible. Flying, without wings, in an Aeroplane without wings is again impossible. Hence, the plane had slammed onto the ground, exactly two minutes after the wings had fallen off. Now you will experience the last two minutes of the flight, in first person singular, as the narration of Tom, Dick and Harry, individually.
Tom: “I sat quietly by the window, doing nothing. I wanted to do something, but I could not. The vision, of mother Earth rising up towards our flight, was stupefying. It was so unnerving, that for the next one minute and fifty nine seconds, I could not fathom that it was our flight which was falling, and not the ground that was rising. In those long, painstaking, one hundred and nineteen seconds, I came up with multiple theories that will explain the levitation of the mother Earth. First, I assumed that I was witnessing the formation of a mountain. I knew, how the Himalayas rose out of the Tethys, so I could visualize the grounds rising. Also, I entertained the thought that my eyes were zooming in by a phenomenon, yet unknown to biologists. I soon got bored of my thoughts, as the will to jump off with a parachute consumed me. Hence, I tore away the life jacket which was supposed to be used for water landings and I ran ‘out’ of the cockpit to alert the cabin crew. Just as I got to my feet, one one nine seconds after the plane had started falling, I realized the plane had started falling one one nine seconds back. And then the plane slammed on to the ground. Oh! By the way, did I mention to you that I was the Captain of the Flight?”
Dick: “I am a Cabin Crew. I was waiting to be confirmed by the captain that the plane was falling, so that I could prepare the cabin for crash landing. But the captain never approached me. And I blissfully kept on believing that the plane was not falling, even though the blood curling shouts of the passengers indicated otherwise. In the last two minutes, I observed strange things, like the weighing machine showing reduced weight of whoever standing on it. The water and associated sewage was no more flowing down the emergency drain but rather floated uniformly in the engulfing premises of the lavatory, adding an essence of antigravity and an aroma of foul odors. Every single hair on every single head, stood high up appreciating the free fall of the aircraft. But, I corrected myself, the flight was not falling, because the captain had not said so. I kept on minding my own business, until I realized that I was seated high up in the sky, probably in heaven. I saw many passengers accompanying me. But I failed to locate the captain, Tom. He probably had continued the downward journey, arguably initiated by the flight, and by now, must have had joined the demon at the barbeque.”
Harry: “I swear the flight did not fall. In fact the flight was rising higher every moment. If you ask me, the flight should not have taken off that day. It was still under maintenance. The only reason that it did take off was that a bunch of foolish passengers had mistakenly boarded the flight, followed by a smaller bunch of foolish cabin crews and then a few foolish cockpit guys. The wings of the flight were still not fixed properly, so it is not surprising that those fell off in mid-air. The flight was cruising at thirty two thousand feet when the mishap happened. Luckily, I was not in the flight. I was the mechanic fixing the wings, I ‘was’ because I no more ‘am’, and I was still on the wings when the flight took off. I was unaware of that, as I was listening to music and continued disassembling the wings while the flight was in the air! When the wings were loosened enough, I fell with it, and while falling I saw the flight miraculously rise higher up in the air. By the time, the plane had crashed I was already in the immigration section of Heaven, wondering ‘How the Hell’ did I end up here?”
The interviews were taken by reporters from Antarctica Daily, post death at venues like hell and heaven!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

GET CONNECTED 

Advertisements

This Math problem has stumped even the Legendary Cricketers


30 February, 0157: Never in a million years did anybody come up with the solution to the question posed by the world-famous mathematician and spare-time-wicketkeeper Dr Partial Derivative, not exactly because the problem was too difficult, but more so because, a million years have not yet evolved ever since he did pose the problem! This problem is not invented by him and his browser history says that he simply had fished it off Google.

Kids don’t understand this problem,
Men can’t solve this problem but
Legends always give up whatever they are doing and attempt to try to endeavour to seek to strive to solve this problem.

And such legendary cricketers are the ones who are affected the worst! Dr P Derivative, as mentioned above is a wicket keeper of a charity cricket team which plays cricket matches with World’s Legendary XI (a dynamic cricket team consisting of the best cricket players to ever play cricket!) to raise money for raising money! Whenever his cricket team is about to lose a match and he is wicket keeping, he shouts out the problem from behind the batsman. Being legends, they immediately start solving the problem. The bowler bowls and with the batsman busy, the keeper stumps forcing the umpire to raise a finger high up in the air, which if had been the neighboring finger, could have landed him in trouble! However, it was the math problem which basically did the stumping!

Experts say that the math problem is actually not a problem at all but rather the description of the Lagrangian of the Standard Model. It is so long and dense with mathematical symbols that it takes the legends forever to understand why on Earth, or for that matter, in the Universe would the wicket keeper shout out such a elemental historical fundamental physical mathematical factual real description to them at the middle of the match, and ask them to solve it and in the meantime the wicket keeper Dr PD would have already stumped them out!

main-qimg-fd3dcdfe0f1d8961ea34efe8fd18a88e

🙂

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

GET CONNECTED 

IIT Aspirant files PIL against IPL to introduce Negative Marking


30 February, 0150: Equality is the basis of Democracy. We learnt it. He applied it!

He‘ refers to an unnamed IIT aspirant from Mumbai, India. His belief is that if IIT Aspirants get negative marking for wrong answers in the JEE Exam, then the Cricket teams should get Negative marks if they lose the match. The idea has won followers over many social media platforms.

As you can see, His facebook post was liked by more than half the human population within only 9 milli seconds! Even on Twitter he was the boss…

Fake iPhone Text Generator iOS

We managed to get a screenshot within nanoseconds of Him Tweeting this. But in the next 4.5 microsecond his tweet became the most tweeted pic ever! His account became the most followed account ever and He received at least a trillion replies.

Among his other ideas, was that, IPL teams can choose to play which game they like. Therefore they may attempt and play only the games they want to and no points will be deducted. Also he asked for increase in the number of games to 90 for the perfect point of 360 as he demanded +4 for every win and -1 for every loss. Plus, he added that every game should be completed within 3 hours. Players will be vigorously checked before entry into stadium and no bluetooth communication devices will be allowed. Players can wear only loose fitting clothes like Track suits. Also they are not allowed to bring their own bats and balls and protective equipments and they will be supplied by the stadium authority.

With such immense success in spreading the word to make life harder for cricketers, we believe that his initiative will surely succeed in succeeding and hence introduce negative marking in a cricket league. His PIL has been supported by everybody in this galaxy including the IPL cricketers themselves!

PS: Another story by such an unknown “HIM”.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Our Simple yet Elegant Website 
Our Not So Simple Yet Elegant Website

Ronaldo requested to star in FINAL DESTINATION after his ‘Winning Penalty’ Vision


30 February,0107: Real Madrid are unstoppable. They have won 11 Champions League finals and surely deserve the title of ‘The Best in Europe.’ They have defeated Atletico Madrid 3 times in a row in consecutive seasons and proven to be too good for their city rivals.

In the final match, both teams played exceptionally well. Especially the passing of balls, both among the same team players and in between the different teams have been exceptional. Atletico Forward Antoine Griezmann missed an unfortunate penalty but the young Carrasco managed to level with Ramos’ goal in the second half. But the match was so entertaining that the players themselves refused to end it and played till the last millisecond of 120 minutes of extra time.

In the penalties however, Pressure took the better of Juanfran and he missed a penalty. Then Ronaldo stepped up and this is where the story begins. He scored a beautiful goal and Real Madrid won the cup.

But the underlying mystery remained hidden until the post-match interview. Ronaldo, said that he had a vision of scoring the winning penalty and told his manager Zidan that he will take the last penalty.

Film-makers were waiting for this opportunity (as they told us, but how did THEY have been waiting? Did they too get a vision?). As soon as the match ended they  started running after the Ronaldo who is probably, the best footballer in the world. But Ronaldo directly denied the request.

After the denial, the film-makers have been reportedly been chasing the Defender who had played in that final, and had mesmerised the world with his innovative ACTING.

Manager sacks Club Owner and sells them in Transfer Window


30 February, 0106: An unlikely happening happened last month while the Transfer Window was open for Mancheater United. The club manager or the head coach, Jose More-Eno (who always sufers from digestive problems) was angered by the refusal to spend funds for the welfare of the team by the club owner, the Glacier family and as a result the “Raid Evil” Manager sacked the Owners instead of the other way around. In terms of a layman, More-Eno sacked his Boss.

Manchester_United_FC_crest.svg.png

The Worst Logo of the Universe winner (3 times)

Players have displayed mixed emotions. Striker When Ruining broke down crying where as youngster Antonic Marshmallow declared that it was the most brave act he has ever seen in his long life of 20 years. Another youngster Mount Rushmore said that when he grows up, his aim would be to be a substitute player and then sack the owner, which would be the bravest act possible, according to him. Meanwhile midfielder Bustation Liontiger tattooed his eyelids, with the name of their ex-owner. Another Midfielder, Join Mota did 8 back flips and sent a friend request to Shellsea boss Greek AbramoRich on Fleshbook in an attempt to return to his old club, picturing his future. Most Notably Goal Keeper, Dravid de Goa said, “The future of our team is now independent of the past” which raised several  question involving Grandfather’s paradox, Entropy, already overthrown Laplacian determinism and Thermodynamic arrow of time.

As a replacement the Manager has been spotted talking to Bill Windows(who is famous for developing the OS Gates) about taking over the ownership of the club. One can tell that a never desiccating fund was the motive behind the rendezvous.

Mango tree mysteriously bears bitter gourds after local people forcibly cut away some of its branches


30 February, 0065: Nature has been angered and here are the consequences. No more mango its just bitter gourd.

image

What it was...:-)

image

What it is and would be....:-(

Last day a group of people from a Sri Lankan village cut the branches of a mango tree which was known to bear the sweetest mango ever and donated them to a group of scientist who offered to manipulate its genes and create more mango trees like that with the payment of a nominal fee. The mango tree clearly declared that cutting branches wasn’t a deal, but people didn’t care. Today morning just as everyone went to the tree to pluck a few fruits, they were socked to see that all the yellow, red mangoes have been replaced with green pale bitter gourds.
This news teaches us that, Greed is the end of all good.😰😥😰:(😱😨

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com

2026 Football World Cup to be held on the Moon


image

30 February,0053: Football fans grab your tickets and your space ships because the next to next to next football world cup will be held on the Moon! Last day the President of SIFA(Solar system’s Institution of Footballing Action) has declared that the football world cup will no longer be terrestrial but instead will venture out into space (place from where footballers like Lion Crazy, Nintendo Torrent, Fishtiano Owngoaldo are supposed to have come) and will have the next tournament on Earth’s only natural satellite, the Moon. “This would be a unique tournament as there would be no home teams and no home crowd, so it’ll be kinda impartial world cup!” said SIFA prez. Diego Belladonna. The low gravity of moon will add a magical touch to the skills and dribbles as footballers would be able to keep the ball in air for a long time. However, the biggest problem haunting SIFA is that making a stadium on moon would be insanely expensive. An alternative to avoid this problem is to deliberately hydrate the lunar atmosphere and grow oxygenic anaerobic organism like cyanobacteria and then introduce angiosperms and eventually protistans and fungi to populate the surface before growing bryopsida members along with lichens to ensure proper soil formation, ultimately ending the process by introducing the kingdom animalia and other photosynthetic life forms. Although the previous idea is a bit cumbersome, biologists have started taking concrete steps to convert the impossible into possible(or more of child’s play).

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com

Footballer awarded Oscar for “Innovative and Genuine Playacting”


image

30 February, 0044: “Convergence is the goal of the Twenty First Century.” But people seem to have taken the statement a bit too seriously. Whenever we talk about convergence we usually mean the convergence of topics like communication and transportation but fields like that of football and acting were till recently considered to be spaced too far apart to be converged in a single go. And guess what, World famous footballer When Clooney did it! Last fortnight, there was a match between Mancheater United and Black Forest Cakes which was the final fixture of the present season between the two teams. When Clooney did a marvellous backflip-cum-falldown-cum-slide inside the penalty box to win a penalty for their team. The playacting was ‘so beautifully choreographed by him and he did it in so much rhythm with exact feelings and               expressions perfected with appropriate gestures and supreme body language’ as put by the commentator that not only the referee was mesmerised(and as a result granted two penalties instead of one) but also the film corporations nominated him for the best acting done by a male actor! He won a lifetime achievement award, two penalties, as a result the match and also a gilded, gleaming, glistening and glowing Oscar prize. The day which started for him with a run on a green field ended with a walk on the red carpet, in other words, the world of entertainment and sports had just been converged!

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com

Umpire receives the Man of the Match trophy


30 February, 0032: Cricketers are mostly rewarded with a man of the match award for their brilliant performance in a cricket match. Umpires however remain utterly sublime for their honesty and proper conduct during the game. But yesterday something strange happened. Mr Steel Burger was awarded the man of the match award for his brilliant fielding! In other words, the umpire was awarded the man of the match! Let’s get into details now, as a news without statistics is equivalent to a ship (not the modern ones) without sail. India scored 320 in the first innings. Australia was restricted to 160. Simply a 160 run victory for India. But don’t think that India played marvellously well because there performance was quite ordinary. It was due to the brilliance of Burger who had saved almost a few hundred fours and a few thousand two or three runs while he had been umpiring at the leg! He even dismissed Whatson as somehow he managed to jump at the right time to avoid the approaching ball which resulted in catching the ball with his lower jaw and neck. Ultimately he along with the other Indian eleven managed in restricting Aussies to just half the target.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com

Botanists to organise “Phyto Olympics” for plants


30 February,0027: As we know, equality in opportunity is the motto of the modern world. However, sometimes this search for equality result in never- thought-before ideas and raises never-asked-before questions. One such modern example is the decision made by the botanist to introduce the first Phyto-Olympics. Botanists worldwide have been angered by the increase in the number of sports especially for the animals like dogs, cats, horses, etc. “Both of us are equal in status, but still the zoologists have races for their organisms while we perish simply studying our textbooks and classifying plants. This should be put to an end.😈”, said an Australian botanist. Some people have hailed this strange version of the Olympics games as “The Revolution of The Plant Kingdom” while others(mainly zoologists) have laughed at its imbecility. Its still unclear, however, how could plants participate in races, because they are sessile and sedentary but the botanists have advice everyone to stay tuned for the action.
The game begins tomorrow at 5:30 GMT.
         Live coverage here.(click on it)

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com