The Terrible Teacher


Put simply, it is insanely difficult to put it simply. I have tried in English, French, Spanish and even Python, Java and QBASIC, for all are languages, but I have failed, undeniably miserably, at expressing what I was expected to, upon being asked the question, which though, was strangely metamorphosed into a morbidly labyrinthine piece of literature, was proclaimed to be an integral part of my syllabus, by my teacher, who I have attributed with, the epithet of being terrible, in the Heading of this post. I have known people who are brick walls in accepting any creative answer and I have met people who are sewage pumps in framing questions, but never have I ever, encountered the miserable phenomenon of facing a person, who simultaneously belongs to those two categories.

Five minutes in, and I declared that I could not make any more sense with my sensible answer, than I am doing right now. And then I had to explain why, upon receiving a stimulus. And then I had to explain why I answer rhetorical questions, which after answering, I realised was itself a self-interrogatory rhetorical question! And since then, I have been answering…..

I know not, when I may Stop (breathing, for that is the only way this Viva could end!).

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
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This School Teaches you to Swim in Air


30 February, 0158: Despite being three dimensional beings, humans are always confined on the two dimensional ground, because of a force called gravity. Poets across centuries have hoped to grow wings, so that they can fly away and escape into the third spatial dimension, but much to their disgust they all were born with nonsensical hands. Common people when frustrated with their life have found it to be exhilaratingly satisfying to state that they will fly away if certain demands of theirs are not met. Having stated that, it is not difficult for a person who is well grounded in reality to appreciate the fact that the ability to fly, will affect the human society with a lot of unforeseeable consequences.

Just when people were beginning to wonder about flying without a machine,

a Woman was beginning to wander about, flying without a machine!

She requested us not to disclose her identity saying that, “Do not tell anyone that my Name is Dr Albatross Flight and I am about to inaugurate an Air Swimming School that will teach the students to fly! However, through the columns of your esteemed newspaper please advertise about this new school.”

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Even Animals Can Join

We immediately visited the school to find about the courses in Air Swimming School (ASS). The journalist whom we had sent, learnt the skill successfully with flying colors, came back flying, with the reports. The courses encompass a wide range of strokes by which human beings can literally swim in air and figuratively FLY! However, flying costume is mandatory and so is signing a deal saying that, ‘I will not pollute the AirSpace I’m flying in’, to enroll into the course.

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This is how the first lesson begins!

People from all over the world have already started flying in the air, and as a result drone sales have plummeted down faster that the ones who forget the strokes in mid air! She-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named has clearly done a tremendous job and we hope that people will use this newly learned skill for the benefit of mankind (although we must admit that, that is HIGHLY unlikely! )

🙂

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily

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Physicists introduce 3 MORE Laws of Motion


30 February,0092: Students worldwide are extremely eMOTIONal due to the fact that 3 more laws of Motion are to be added to their syllabus along with 3 preexisting laws of motion by Newton. Meanwhile, teachers have concluded that motion laws would be the primary factor retarding the students’ progress.

Upon several heated press conferences, the Physicists let the cat out of the bag and we were enlightened with the 3 new laws of motion.
Assuming that our readers have a fine idea of the first 3 laws, we are directly publishing the 3 new laws publicly.
4th LAW: Hennessey Venom GT has the highest top speed in Asphalt 8.
5th LAW: The Fastest is not always the best, it is often the most furious.
6th LAW: The velocity of your car is inversely proportional to the no. of friends in your car and directly proportional to the square of the distance from your home when the direction is away from your home.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com

HOW TO PASS A DIFFICULT TEST EASILY?


30 February, 0063: “If exams scare you, you ace them.”, One of not-at-all-the-greatest quotes told by South African Teacher Sober Sobobobo proves the fact that Exams are more frightening than Ghosts.

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That’s why Antarctica Daily has decided to help you play card with exams and ace them perfectly. Here are few hacks to ensure you top your upcoming exam:-
1)Firstly, remember that the one who sets the question paper is usually the question paper setter. The type of paper he sets is in direct agreement with his mentality and hence if you know his mentality you get to know the question paper, or if you know the question paper which is quite recommended,  you get to know his mentality which isn’t quite recommendable.
2) Always try to drink as much water as you can as water improves concentration but don’t drink more than 6 litres of water as it might kill you due to over dilution of blood.
3)While Answering questions never question the answers.
4) Remember time and tide waits for none, but the supervisor is neither time nor tide so he or she might wait, all you need to have is a firm grasp over your paper and an ability to repeat the line,”just one second extra, please.”
5) Use the bench to do rough work, don’t ever use paper, REMEMBER, rough papers cause deforestation (you know how!).

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Some Stats...

6) Grow the habit of asking for the answer paper instead of the question paper, as writing questions for given answers is easier than writing answers for given questions.
7) Either fail badly or don’t lose any marks and get full marks as getting only a few marks less from the full marks is the worst result one could have. Neither are you perfect then, nor are you a failure. You might suffer from identity crisis.
8) Always bring the books with you but don’t read them, just think about them, about how innocent, informative, virtuous they are or how cruel, vicious and simply put, bad, they are depending upon the exam situation.
9) Don’t carry books in a bag carry bags in the books.
10) Lastly, don’t feel you will fail unless you fail neither be convinced that you will pass unless you really pass as future isn’t written yet and no one knows what might happen.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
Website: http://www.antarcticadaily.weebly.com