10 ways to Show off that You Show off

14 April 2018

To show off is not a sin. To show off that you show off, is not one either. So, why not do it?

  1. Buy a House, live on the street, tell people that you live in your other house and this is your vacation home.
  2. Write a useless book, sell it on amazon with a fake account and give an awesome review to yourself from your real account. Then post it on Facebook and claim that you are an author.
  3. Adopt a foreign accent. preferably French. If you are French, adopt Russian.
  4. Eat an apple everyday and claim that you are a die hard Apple fan.
  5. Walk into a store, talk into your phone loudly. Discuss about your bank details of swiss bank while on the call.
  6. Travel from New York to LA in a flight that goes Eastwards and claim that you have travelled the whole world.
  7. Do anything in life and then point out that precisely doing this was specifically your dream in life.
  8. Point to a random person in the Subway and say that you forgot to bring your pen and would give the autograph on his/her shirt the next day.
  9. Buy a movie ticket and two mars chocolates and say that you have “a ticket two mars”. Never write this on a poster however, this is only to be said.
  10. Call customer care and curse them for horrible VIP services.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

A Sarcastic Saturday Post

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Apple Fanboy in coma after using Android

12 April 2018

Shock can come in many ways. It can come in an unknown way, in a scary way, in a well documented way, but the worst shock usually comes in a shocking way. It is this kind of shock that can send you into a coma and shock your family members and send them into a coma which can shock theirs and the chain reaction continues. Luckily, in our topic of discussion, only one boy had ended up in coma. That boy was a fanboy. An Apple fanboy.

We cannot blame him. He was innocent. He had never seen a home screen distinguished from the app screen. He had never imagined that he could selectively add shortcuts to his home screen and change layouts and add widgets and customize them to an extent that calling him the King of the world will probably not be an overstatement. He knew not, what custom launchers could do. He had never seen a store so full of apps and prices so cheap, all with its reviews and ratings. He had never seen so big a screen. He had never let Google Assistant do so many of his tasks which Siri would have professionally messed up. He was in a dilemma. Whether to give up his status of being an Apple fanboy or go back to his iPhone X.

With hormones raging, he finally made the decision. He belonged to the ecosystem of Google. It was in his veins. It was his destiny. With fear and anticipation, he finally dumped his iPhone X and moved on with his life.

But life is not easy. He could not AirDrop anymore. He missed the control center. He missed Siri’s voice, not that it was very different from Google’s, but still. He started to panic. Soon, he took his first dose of a prescription drug. That was the point of no return. One day, he was found collapsed on his arm-chair with the Android device beeping out notifications loudly in his breast pocket. Ever since he has been in the ICU and has been only responding to Siri’s voice.

With the example of this story, we want to highlight the fact that no matter whether you use Android devices or Apple’s latest phone, you are lucky. For there exists weird people in this world, who take their smartphones so seriously that they never hesitate to mess up with their life due to trivial reasons. Also, we want to boldly state that Android and iOS are both good, but none of them would ever beat the swag of the invincible old Nokia 3310.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

A Technical Thursday post

ThanOS might replace MacOS

26 March 2018

The Infinity War is on. So is the war of Infinity Display. Both Apple and Samsung are trying their best to let the customers enjoy the bezel less experience. To stay one step ahead, Apple is deciding to minimise the bezels in their upcoming MacBook Air, while Samsung is focussed on improving the smartphone experience.

The new Apple Macbook Air 2018 is speculated to have a display bigger than the size of the computer. This will be achieved by using a foldable Retina display which could be unfolded whenever a headphone jack is plugged into the USB-C type port, because the headphone port will probably not be included. To ensure the perfect software hardware integration, apple is deciding to replace their infamous MacOS with the all new ThanOS, which is known to handle the infinity and foldable displays better.

The ThanOS is originally an alien tech. This means that the OS was originally developed for the Dell Alienware, but was not used because a company named Avengers, prevented them from doing so. Hence, the ThanOS developers, introduced the new concept of infinity stones, which allows the screen to get bigger with usage.

Hence, when you buy it, the Apple Macbook Air 2018 might be shipped with a 20 inch display, but with consistent usage and proper folding of the screen, one year later you might have a 100 inch screen.

However, a dispute between ThanOS developers and Avengers has been developing which will be solved at the Supreme Court on 27th of April.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Editor in Chief

Antarctica Daily

Cars to have an Incognito Mode in 2019

16 March 2018

History will be made as History won’t be made. Intstead, it’s gonna be deleted. Not only your Browser history. You now have a chance to hide your Cruising history.

Car collector and history deletor Dr Shift Del said, “I always felt like my car was getting tracked by someone. From now on, I can be confident about my privacy”. On being asked about the first thing she plans to do after buying such a car, “I will drive my car from Cape Town to Vladivostok without telling that to anybody” was her reply, although we are sure that she had just told us about it. Maybe she mistook the incognito mode for a delete history button.

This feature allows only Car Manufacturers and your Internet Service Provider to keep track of your location, which is creepy because presently no one keeps track. But they claim that very soon we will have organisations which will have an eye on every car and then plan an organised car autopilot hack, due to which, you might find your car parked next to your Boss’ with an appreciable scratch on his car. Or you might wake up to find that your car is parked in the middle of a highway.

It is not clear whether having the Incognito Mode will be a boon or bane? But, being deletors of History as we are, you can pretty much guess the answer.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Driving License is now Mandatory for buying Toy Cars

9 March 2018

If you have failed your driving tests then you have failed the opportunity to make a child smile. A child smiles when a toy car is gifted. But you can’t buy if you don’t have a driving license. We will answer your burning question, namely, “Why the Hell?”, in this article.

2 days ago, a man who had failed 184,839,029 driving tests bought a Ferrari from a toy shop. But, on his way back home, the remote went out of control and the toy car directly hit another car’s tyre and was run over, destroying the tyre that it did strike in the first place.

After this incident, people unanimously voted against the buying of cars, even if it is just a toy, by inexperienced drivers. Immediately, the stock price of toy manufacturing companies fell, the anger of toy manufacturers rose higher but beating everything, the toddlers filled the air with exhilarating laughter, which was later understood to be as their sarcastic protest.

For now, one thing is certain, even if you have the strongest of desires to buy toy cars, you simply can’t, unless you have a driving license, which from my experience, isn’t the easiest of docuemnts to earn.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

No Jobs? Sell Apple. No Gates? Build Windows.

6 March 2018

Motivational speaker Successful Lee is doing a great job showing people the path of life they really wish to follow. But the reason he has attained fame so fast is because he only uses 2 words to answer any question. And reading between the words, we discover the brilliance of Lee.

Sarry Bage and Lergei Prin, founders of a tech giant, had asked him once what to do if they had no jobs. To this, Lee had replied, “Sell Apple”. The hidden meaning was that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, and by selling apples they can cut down on their health care expenditure while earning money.

Robert Langdon, a professor at Harvard, had confessed his fears of claustrophobia and being in a place with no gates. Lee had smiled a little and answered, “Build Windows”. Langdon had understood, that by opening the mind’s window he can counter his phobia of closed spaces.

However, asking Lee any question whose answer is trivial, results in him sating two words whose intials are ‘f’ and ‘o’, and considering it to be a little profane, we are ignoring it in this article. The hidden message is to go on and have a baby which could answer your childish queries.

But, since last week the world has stood still. They are waiting for Lee to complete his answer as all they have heard till now is an one word answer, which by his standards, is incomplete. An irritating man from an online ad has asked him a one word question, “Hotel?“, to which Lee said, “Trivago“. What the hidden meaning in this answer is, nobody could tell, as everybody is still waiting for the second word and shall wait, forever

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Waking up to a Fully Charged Phone (feat. Nightmares)

1 March 2018

It is a joy beyond what words can express. A completely charged smartphone lying next to you when you wake up has the strange power to wash away all your worries and can cure the bruise imposed by the scary nightmare, that you had dreamt just before you opened your eyes.

It reminds you how pure, the love that exists in our world really is. It motivates you so much, that you find yourself fiddling with it till the first two digits of your three figure charge wipe away. You post screenshots of your phone onto social media and declare that those three digits at the top right corner make you happier than seven new digits at the end of your bank balance.

Immersed in joy, you completely forget that last night when you had gone to sleep, it was displaying the “Connect Your Charger” message with only six percentage of battery power to boast about. Had I reminded you that fact, you would have been scared immeasurably because you live alone, and if you didn’t charge your phone then there is possibly no way it can charge itself to the round figure of a hundred percent.

But happiness, as you might have already realized, is transient. You just opened the gallery of your phone. And one of the recently clicked images, disturbed you a little. You clicked on the thumbnail and threw away the phone in disbelief.

A picture of you sleeping on the bed in the house that you lived alone would have been scary but what you saw, was worse. You saw, a dark figure lying next to you, with sparkling eyes making direct eye contact with you. Your eyes were open. There was a hand on your mouth that was not yours.

Although you did not get who charged your phone, you just understood that the nightmares you had dreamt last night, actually did happen last night.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com