Success of our lives is usually gauged with the amount of love the we have exchanged with the society. But often, to bond well, we need to brag well. Bragging as an essential skill, has discussed to some detail, in this article.
The golden rule to “brag the best” has always been about being within the reasonable limits. If you have an IQ of 124, then improving it to 142 is not a harm. However, declaring it to be 421 can be of disastrous consequences.
Bragging about your talents is a popular choice. Often, such a brag seals the deal. But more often, people without the skill say words from the reel and end up with wounds that take long time to heal. An assertion involving the unique cooking skills of yours is completely recommendable, but the exhibition of your proficiency in brain surgery is downright insanity.
You may make claims on how, had you run the world, the world would have been a better place. But don’t try to substitutue in yourself, in a lot of different shoes. Someone might have sprinkled quicksand over theirs.
Frequently sharing medical facts imbibed with technical terms goes a long way to boost your public profile, but make sure you never become a person of floccinoccinihilipilification.
All these tips when combined with a straight posture, tucked in tummy and a ton of make-up might make you feel that you are a better version of yourself now, when all that the society needed from you is simply to beyourself.
Today’s date is a numerical palindrome. Had every digit in Roman Numerals been a symmetric figure, the left half would have been a mirror image of the right.
Talking about Mirrors, let us teach you how to walk through a mirror and meet your mirror self in the mirror world. It might seem difficult and impossible, or even unpossible if your grammar is bad, at first. However, after banging your head a few times against the mirror you might end up accomplishing it.
Your aim is to end up in mirror world. You can do that by jumping into the mirror, which is difficult, breaking the mirror, which is not recommended, albiet easier or you can climb above the mirror and jump on the other side.
If the mirror is attached to a wall, walk around the wall. If the region on the other side of the wall is your neighbour’s room then do knock before walking in.
After you have done that, remove the obstacle separating you from your initial position. That could be the mirror itself or the wall.
Now enjoy the view, remember, this is the same view your mirror self would have seen had it been standing, where you are now.
If you now hold another mirror in front of your face, you can see the angry faces of your neighbours waiting to kill you for demolishing the wall. If you want to escape, then run. If you don’t however, what’ll happen next will ensure you can relax in the bed for next 6 months, if not, then forever and if not not your bed, then surely in your grave, provided your neighbours don’t demolish that as a revenge!
Taking a selfie is an art, as much, eating a pastry is dieting. Both way, you look fat, or at least, fatter than you think you should legitimately look. But in the second case, you don’t look ugly!
So here are ways in which you can take a better selfie:
Rather than spending money on a complete-face-reconstruction-plastic-surgery, try to visit exotic locations. The figuratively breathtaking scenary in the background will compensate for the literally breathtaking face in the foreground.
Try to apply filters, however, though they may boost your confidence for the photoshoot, they unfortunately do not work in real life!
Try to crop your face out of the picture.
Doodle on your face, so as to hide the skin.
Break the front camera, so that you can take pictures only with your rear camera which has better resolution, not that it will help though.
Try wearing make up, and if you are already wearing it, you should try removing it ASAP (Because, ‘why bear the weight of an unfruitful solution?’).
Try to smile, without showing your teeth and what you had last night.
Throw away the phone and blame it for making you look ugly.
Wear a batman mask in all your selfies. The MASK, is an even better choice.
Appreciate the fact, that looks don’t determine the quality of your character. What a perfectly clicked & beautiful selfie can do, a suddenly clicked & ugly selfie can do too, for they are both totally useless. Instead, turn your eyes towards the scenary in the background instead of showing it your back. (OPTIONAL: Now ask your friend to click a picture. This will look comparatively better than the selfie!)
30 February, 0150: Equality is the basis of Democracy. We learnt it. He applied it!
‘He‘ refers to an unnamed IIT aspirant from Mumbai, India. His belief is that if IIT Aspirants get negative marking for wrong answers in the JEE Exam, then the Cricket teams should get Negative marks if they lose the match. The idea has won followers over many social media platforms.
As you can see, His facebook post was liked by more than half the human population within only 9 milli seconds! Even on Twitter he was the boss…
We managed to get a screenshot within nanoseconds of Him Tweeting this. But in the next 4.5 microsecond his tweet became the most tweeted pic ever! His account became the most followed account ever and He received at least a trillion replies.
Among his other ideas, was that, IPL teams can choose to play which game they like. Therefore they may attempt and play only the games they want to and no points will be deducted. Also he asked for increase in the number of games to 90 for the perfect point of 360 as he demanded +4 for every win and -1 for every loss. Plus, he added that every game should be completed within 3 hours. Players will be vigorously checked before entry into stadium and no bluetooth communication devices will be allowed. Players can wear only loose fitting clothes like Track suits. Also they are not allowed to bring their own bats and balls and protective equipments and they will be supplied by the stadium authority.
With such immense success in spreading the word to make life harder for cricketers, we believe that his initiative will surely succeed in succeeding and hence introduce negative marking in a cricket league. His PIL has been supported by everybody in this galaxy including the IPL cricketers themselves!
30 February, 0147: Saving electricity is fundamental to ensure the sustained weight of your purse. So here is our earnest attempt to elongate the shelf life of your notes and bills. Follow what follows and your Net Worth will be appreciably given an unavoidable stimulus to increase the number of lagging zeroes behind the figure.
Sleep in Fridge: Buying an AC is OK. Buying a fridge is OK. Paying the electricity bills for both SIMULTANEOUSLY is surely not OK. So for the sake of your status you can buy both, but for the sake of your bankruptcy status you should use either. Though placing the food items in an AC room is tempting, sleeping in a fridge is, by far, ADVENTUROUS.
Convert your FAN into Generator: Simple. Your fan is run by a motor which is run by electricity. Use its mechanical rotational energy to turn an axle of a generator and feedback the electricity produced to the fan itself. Too bad, you cannot run the fan by the electricity it generates (blame the Second law of Thermodynamics for that) but you can surely cut down on the electricity consumption.
Don’t Watch TV: Just don’t. Please.
Steal the Sun: And you will have enough electricity for the next 5 Billion years. Just buy enough solar panels that will surround the entire solar surface area, or else you might just get a tan without even going to the beach.
Attach a steam turbine proximal to Gluteus Maximus: Given the fact that children read our newspaper, we won’t elaborate on this one.
Use your Anger: If you are angry on your boss or government, just use the amount of heat produced in the swearings and cursings in heating your food. Also anger is contagious, so stay ready with a bowl of food, for the first domino to topple. Make electrifying comments and use it to charge your mobile phone.
Read Antarctica Daily: This way you’ll be able to read the post you are already reading and learn methods to save electricity.
Buy Torpedos: These are chondrichthyes fishes which generate electricity and then you figure out a way to charge your laptop with these things.
Work longer in your office: That way you will use less domestic electricity and pay less demanding bills.
Migrate to a town with no electricity: This is clearly the best trick. Your electricity bill will plummet down to zero instantaneously!
These were voted to be the best methods by the scientists all over the Universe.
30 February, 0063: “If exams scare you, you ace them.”, One of not-at-all-the-greatest quotes told by South African Teacher Sober Sobobobo proves the fact that Exams are more frightening than Ghosts.
That’s why Antarctica Daily has decided to help you play card with exams and ace them perfectly. Here are few hacks to ensure you top your upcoming exam:-
1)Firstly, remember that the one who sets the question paper is usually the question paper setter. The type of paper he sets is in direct agreement with his mentality and hence if you know his mentality you get to know the question paper, or if you know the question paper which is quite recommended, you get to know his mentality which isn’t quite recommendable.
2) Always try to drink as much water as you can as water improves concentration but don’t drink more than 6 litres of water as it might kill you due to over dilution of blood.
3)While Answering questions never question the answers.
4) Remember time and tide waits for none, but the supervisor is neither time nor tide so he or she might wait, all you need to have is a firm grasp over your paper and an ability to repeat the line,”just one second extra, please.”
5) Use the bench to do rough work, don’t ever use paper, REMEMBER, rough papers cause deforestation (you know how!).
6) Grow the habit of asking for the answer paper instead of the question paper, as writing questions for given answers is easier than writing answers for given questions.
7) Either fail badly or don’t lose any marks and get full marks as getting only a few marks less from the full marks is the worst result one could have. Neither are you perfect then, nor are you a failure. You might suffer from identity crisis.
8) Always bring the books with you but don’t read them, just think about them, about how innocent, informative, virtuous they are or how cruel, vicious and simply put, bad, they are depending upon the exam situation.
9) Don’t carry books in a bag carry bags in the books.
10) Lastly, don’t feel you will fail unless you fail neither be convinced that you will pass unless you really pass as future isn’t written yet and no one knows what might happen.