Shocking the fans with strange, often life changing, tweets is a common happening on Twitter. But no celebrity has ever been able to shock the fans so badly as the Count of Monte Cristo himself.
He posted onto Twitter that this Wednesday, he was really bored and to kill his time he bought 120% stocks of Google, Amazon, Apple, Facebook and Microsoft. Also, he followed up later by stating that he felt like shopping a bit more and he had also bought Barcelona, Real Madrid, Bayern München, Paris Saint-Germain and Manchester United.
He felt 3 is a lucky number and continued his shopping to buy away five more planets. He bought the four gas giants of our solar system and then in a moment of whim also wrote away a check to buy the Sun. According to reports, he was facing a shortage of space on Earth and needed to expand his Real Estate business. To explain the purchase of sun, he pointed out that lately he has been craving for barbeques and what place better than Sun for a perfect barbeque dinner.
Presently, the net worth of Count of Monte Cristo is valued at a number no human mind can fathom. As his property, he already owns a few black holes from the Andromeda galaxy!
Do you take a balance diet? If you do, don’t read this, it might be either redundant with your past or a spoiler for your future , but if you don’t, read this surely because this might treat your deficiency with determined and dedicated dexterity!
You might blame your friends for not pinging you enough, but they are innocent. It is your fault, that is causing the dearth of ‘Whatslapp‘ Messages in your account. In fact, a minute change right in this minute, can put you right back on track, with your social media accounts overflowing with caring messages from daring people.
Go to a shop and feast on some green leafy vegetables. It will give you Vitamin C or Ascorbic Acid, which will promote hydroxylation of lysine and proline residues for collagen by acting as coenzyme, enhance Iron absorption, regulate cell differtiation, act as an antioxidant and prevent diseases like scurvy along with filling up your phone memory with Whatslapp mesages, up to its brim!
If you do not believe us, try it out or ask someone who is already doing it. If you do so, you will umderstand why Whatslapp is coloured green?
30 February, 0140: The autocorrect feature was deemed to be the invention of the future when it was invented in the past. However, calling it a futuristic tool in the present has become a thing of past! Nowadays, people believe strongly that the autocorrect was invented only to popularise the Asterix Symbol signifying typo errors. But very few people ever thought that this could initiate a nuclear war. Amazingly, however it took another equally disturbing unwanted Autocorrect modification to end the war, and ensure a few more years of safe existence of the human race on this planet.
The Antarctica Government Ambassador Mr Penguin tweeted last Wednesday, “Antarctica is the coolest country #cold #freezing” from his mobile in which autocorrect was active. As a result, autocorrect silently modified the tweet as “Antarctica wants to destroy the world #bomb #bombing“. It was immediately retweeted a trillion times by a trillion twitter accounts and while retweeting the autocorrect feature in their smartphones again massively changed the tweet beyond any recognisable pattern.
Few of the interesting variants were:
Antarctica will colonise the world #ruler #ruling.
Pizza is better than Pasta #hungry #eating.
Happy birthday to William Shakespeare #writer #partying.
Harry Potter will visit Gotham #batman #batting.
Autocorrect will end the world #soon #ending.
But what followed is the worst thing that could have been. Every account suddenly tweeted in unison, “We Want World War Three #WW3 #fighting.” But then 2 seconds later, again everybody tweeted, “We Don’t Want World Three #No_WW3 #not_fighting”. But what is interesting is that within that precious 2 seconds gap every country in the world had already accumulated an army big enough to destroy the Universe. Everyone again had to disassemble the army and calm everyone down when suddenly everyone tweeted,”Antarctica is the coolest country #cold #freezing P.S. We want peace” thus ending this awesome story with exactly what it had started.
Experts have denied complains that the problem was with twitter accounts and have rather blamed the Autocorrect feature for this mishap.
“I Correct Autocorrect, more than Autocorrect corrects me.”, tweeted an expert who had recently disabled the feature.
30 February, 0124: With a lot of respect towards every other religion, the POOP (People’s Orthodox party Of Potato) has finally officially launched the new Religion POTATOISM as a Twitter account. It is the first religion in the world whose number of followers is exactly equal to the number of followers of its Twitter account.
This newborn religion focusses to worship the mighty powers of potato in its varied forms like Potato Chips, French Fries and Mashed Potatoes. The followers of Potato-ism are called Ouch Potatoes. Although idols are presently absent the Ouch Potatoes worship the Heart Shaped Potatoes. This new religion can help spread peace and help the poor and the malnourished gain substantial weight.
If you want to start following the new religion of Potato, you should daily consume a minimum of 10 kg Potatoes and upload the video of eating all those for 10 days continuously onto the Potato Website or Tag them on any Social Media.
Reported by, Venkat Ramanan
Also known as WhenCut or Potato Cut
Famous for delivering Potatoes to all leading “potato-requiring companies” like Less Chips
Does stand up comedy by sitting on a chair, like a boss
30 February, 0069: What issue could an Ohio Subway beggar urge LA Galaxy to play for in the prestigious Champions League on 7 November at Madrid? The answer, as our reporters have reported is equally breathtaking as it is startling.
Thriller writers have already started plotting up story outlines after learning what our reporters had to say regarding the issue. The beggar said that he has already foreseen an alien attack on Earth, which he believed could be only be stopped be allowing Football Star Debit Zilla to play for his rival team Laser Angel Galaxy at his homeland’s capital on a date which is equal to his jersey number in the World’s most prestigious football league ‘Champion’s League’. He said that this soccer fixture would create an unlikely event of alteration of gravitational strength of Earth’s Gravitational field that will lead to misguiding the aliens towards the sun and enjoy watching them grill in the literal solar cooker! This incident gives us hope that nothing is impossible and virtually anything is possible, including an unlikely phenomenon as unlikely as this!